SM: What do you think it was that triggered this in you? Why couldn’t you diet in a healthy way or accept your body as it was? Was this really even about the way you looked?
Lindsay: I thought at first it was all clearly body image; looking back now it was my feeling of losing control focused in on my body image. I was always very muscular. In seventh grade I was called, um, “manly” by some of the boys because I was in a lot of sports. But I remember it stuck with me.

My father has a lot of issues as far as body image goes. I had had comments from him about my thighs, like “Oh, you better watch out.” He loved to work out and I believe a part of my desire to work out was to please him and be with him more, but I took it to a more obsessive level.

It’s almost as if with an eating disorder you can’t say, “Oh it stems from one thing.” It’s a bunch of little things that just start piling up and coming together and, if you have the right personality, something can just trigger it.

SM: What kind of personality?
Lindsay: A perfectionist. I’m a compulsive people-pleaser: I want everyone to love me.

SM: So how long did it take from “putting the burger down” to developing into a serious disorder?
Lindsay: It took me six months to get to being so scared to eat anything. [About that time] my mom began to see the changes in my attitude and body, so I began to see a therapist and nutrition counselor to appease my family. But I didn’t see what they saw. I didn’t think that I was skinny and [the voices in my head] told me everyone was trying to make me fat.