SM: Were you ever scared for yourself?
Lindsay: My scariest moment was when I had to walk up stairs to get to my car after a secret run. The next thing I can remember is being at the bottom of the stairs, bloody and bruised. I had passed out at some point, but when I regained consciousness all I could think about was getting home so that no one would know I was out running. I got in my car, not thinking that I could easily pass out again and kill myself or someone else, and went to a gas station where I rinsed my hair in the sink to wash out any trace of a workout.

SM: You were passing out and still working out? What else was going on with your body?
Lindsay: My health was so shot from the lack of nutrients that I got pneumonia and was sick almost every month. I actually grew this peach fuzz—it’s a fine hair that grows on your body to insulate you when you don’t have enough body fat. I had it on my face, my stomach, my chest. My circulation was so slow that not enough blood and oxygen were getting to my brain, so I was constantly lightheaded. You know that lightheaded feeling you get when you stand up too fast?

SM: Yeah.
Lindsay: I had it every time I stood up, no matter how slowly I stood up.

SM: And mentally?
Lindsay: Mentally I was so unstable that I began contemplating suicide on a daily basis. I felt like if I was forced to have people take care of me I could finally let go of this eating disorder, but I couldn’t ask people to force me because I was so scared of it. It was like I couldn’t live with this disorder, but I also couldn’t see myself living without it.