Story of a Sexual Assault Survivor
SM: Why were you blaming yourself?
Lindsay: My mother always told me growing up that nothing good happens after midnight. I was coaching myself into believing that had I been a better decision maker, if I had been home doing my homework, not had a drink, not gone in the apartment, then it wouldn’t have happened.
SM: How was your body afterwards?
Lindsay: All morning I was throwing up blood, I was physically ill from what had happened. The back of my neck was covered in bruises, I had handprint-like bruises on my arms and legs and scratches around my wrists where he was trying to hold me down.
SM: If you didn’t press charges and didn’t tell anyone about it, how did you deal with the rape right then?
Lindsay: I started consuming alcohol as a means to survive. Before I was really involved in school with all these Christian-centered collegiate organizations and, at this point, I totally shut down. I started drinking and stayed wasted ALL the time.
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Your comments
| fun_in_the_sun | |
| Lindsay's story is very inspiring. I wish more people could hear her story because I know of too many girls that don't tell anyone about being raped because they blame themselves. | |
| o0lilypad0o | |
| My heart goes out to Lindsay and all victims who read this. I was raped while in college as well, only difference being that it was a stranger who attacked me. All what you described, I endured. When I read this article, I cried. I never reported it, and, soon enough, I had isolated myself from the world I thought I knew, became depressed, had panic-attacks, messed around with all sorts of guys, my grades plummeted, took up alcohol and drugs as my coping mechanism, and had wandered away from family and friends who didn't quite get what changed in me but nevertheless wanted to support. Fortunately, my academic counselor recognized my potential, and, while she had no idea what had happened to me, advised that I seek therapy. It took my a long time to trust even my therapist, but ultimately I came out of the experience re-learning how to love my body and re-discover my self-worth. It is a battle, but the time and energy you put into the healing process will aid you immensely in re-connecting to the world. I, too, was terrified at the prospect of reporting the incident because I feared being judged. I encourage any victim of sexual assault to ask for help because you will help yourself recover sooner than you realize. As for me, I have taken part in a campus-sponsored mentoring program for young girls in the community, participate in V-Day productions, and am committed bringing light to this taboo phenomenon. | |
| bella -- ojai | |
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Lindsay, I sincerely admire your courage and strength to persevere and again become the "captain of your ship". Yours is an important story and I thank you and Savvymiss.com for sharing it with all of us. I wish that no one would ever have to think they did something wrong when they were the victim in such a terrible crime. I will be pulling for your continued success and for the success of all the innocent women who have suffered this horrible violation. |
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