Even though some might call us stupid, naive or irresponsible, denial is nothing of which to be ashamed. Remember, we slip into it because we do not have the tools to solve crises. The problem, however, is that typically the things we deny exist; they are impending tidal waves that have the power to eventually destroy our lives. When we use denial as a way to “solve” the problem, we are strapping on those inner tubes in the wake of tidal waves. Sure, in the beginning of the storm, we can blissfully float through the situation, letting the inner tubes of denial keep us afloat. But eventually, because crises will only get worse, our inner tubes will form holes and, before we know it, we begin to sink. If you have ever felt like you were drowning or sinking, this is a sign that denial is slipping out of control.
  
So, if the reality rule says: “Living in denial does not really solve problems,” how does one start living a more truth-telling life? Here are three steps:

1. Make your “Living in Denial” list. The truth about denial is that we all know what we are denying. We know the drunk is drinking, the cheater is cheating, the user is using. If you are not sure, you can usually identify denial areas through the things that scare, anger or disempower you. Make your list.

2. Make a list of how denial has helped keep you afloat. In other words, what is your “payoff?” Believe it or not, you are getting a payoff for not addressing the issue. Payoffs can come in the form of remaining “the nice one,” “the perfect one” or avoiding abandonment issues, etc.

3. Remember, you do not have to have all the answers today on how to solve your problems. The first step to addressing the elephant is to simply recognize its existence. In other words, admit there is a problem. Once you do, God, life, the universe and people will create the path and answers to help you choose a better tomorrow.