SM: But wallowing can be a comfort zone for people.
Lisa Nichols: It’s a lazy zone. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments where I just want to be miserable, but inside that moment, the best thing you can do is be honest with what you’re choosing to do. “I’m wallowing. I’m not going to blame anyone. I’m not going to say that I’m not wallowing.” But I don’t think there’s a time when beating up on yourself makes sense. You’ll have to walk through all those doors and deal with those feelings because they’re going to come on their own enough. Don’t bring them onto yourself.

SM: How can negative thoughts affect the activity you’re doing?
Lisa Nichols: When you’re thinking negatively about something you’re about to do, it makes what you’re about to do very difficult to get done. You don’t feel energetic about any of it because [negative thoughts] zap your energy. Also, just because you feel bad about something doesn’t mean you get to do a redo, so you’re robbing your minutes of joy in your life.

SM: How can you counteract a negative thought?
Lisa Nichols: First recognize it because the more you expose your negative thoughts, the quicker and the more you develop the muscle to expose them. When your trainer tells you to write down everything you eat, are you not conscious of what you’re putting in your mouth? I have people press the left side of their heads [when thinking a negative thought] as if they’re pressing “stop,” like there’s a CD player in their head. You will become more conscious of it. You can’t erase it, however. Once it happens, you can’t go “Oh no, I thought something bad!” because now you’re going down a whole other negative spiral. Be gentle and kind to yourself throughout the entire process. I’ll start to have a negative thought when I look at my butt in the mirror and go, “Oh god, I still got that butt.” The first thing I do, because I’ve exercised the muscle of pressing stop or pressing play, is go, “Wait a minute. This is mine. I want it to change and be something different, but today I’m going to love it right where it is.”