SM: How can you distinguish between being negative and being “real”?
Lisa Nichols: [A negative thought] is disempowering and it doesn’t feel good. We can look at things from several different angles and one way will empower you, the other way will disempower you. It’s so important to ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” If you answer the question honestly —key word—then you’ll find there are a lot of times where we’ve become numb to feelings that don’t feel good, thinking we have to have them.

SM: How can you stay positive and think positively when in hard situations beyond your control, like losing a loved one?
Lisa Nichols: The value of the situation isn’t it just happening, it’s the lessons we get inside it. As you think positively, you can take any situation and bring the reason it may occur out of it. When I lost my step-mom four years ago, it was devastating for everyone. All I could say in my darkest hour was “Okay, God, what muscle are you developing in us?” and NOT the question, “Why me?” You’ve got to ask a better question: “What lesson am I to learn?” and really listen to the lesson because then you’ll see every situation is wonderful no matter what it is—either it will end up the way you wanted it to and you’re excited about the outcome or you learned a great lesson from that situation and you never have to learn it again.

SM: Ideally we want positive thoughts but is it ever okay to have negative thoughts?
Lisa Nichols: I don’t think there’s ever a time when negative thoughts support you. The question really is: “Is feeling bad okay ever?” Why would you want to do that? You’re not a frog. You don’t want to play in the mud. There’s never a time when it’s okay to just feel bad—I think that there’s enough times we’re going to have to.