SM: For years I’ve heard friends say, “I’m ready to have a baby, to be a mom.” Is anyone ever truly ready for that?
Risa Green: I don’t think so. I think it’s one of those things where you have to say: “Let’s just do it and get it over with.” We have two kids now and when we got pregnant with my son that’s exactly what we said to each other. We were through the worst part with my daughter by that point and we were like, “If we wait any longer, we’re not going to want to go through all that hell again with babyhood.”

SM: Like you, I’m not exactly dying to have babies. But does that reluctance change when you find out you’re pregnant?
Risa Green: It didn’t change for me. With my daughter it was a good six months before I was like “Okay I can see why people do this and say it’s great.” Or tolerable. “Great” actually probably took until she was eighteen months. When they’re just those little boring things and it’s all give and no take—it’s just not my thing.

SM: So when people say to “wait” before having children, what do they really mean?
Risa Green: I think they mean, wait until you’re with someone who you know you really love, because it is not easy. And for women in particular, no matter how equal your marriage is, the bulk of it comes on to you. Not something I realized. You’d better be with somebody who you think you can get through that with.

SM: Is there anything we should do or get out of our systems before having babies?
Risa Green: Do all the things you want to do, because once you have kids, your life—it’s just not about you anymore. And this is the thing you’re never ready for: Wait until you’re really ready to be unselfish. And I think everyone should be selfish when they’re young.