SM: Like you, I’m not exactly dying to have babies. But does that reluctance change when you find out you’re pregnant?
Risa Green: It didn’t change for me. With my daughter it was a good six months before I was like “Okay I can see why people do this and say it’s great.” Or tolerable. “Great” actually probably took until she was eighteen months. When they’re just those little boring things and it’s all give and no take—it’s just not my thing.

SM: So when people say to “wait” before having children, what do they really mean?
Risa Green: I think they mean, wait until you’re with someone who you know you really love, because it is not easy. And for women in particular, no matter how equal your marriage is, the bulk of it comes on to you. Not something I realized. You’d better be with somebody who you think you can get through that with.

SM: Is there anything we should do or get out of our systems before having babies?
Risa Green: Do all the things you want to do, because once you have kids, your life—it’s just not about you anymore. And this is the thing you’re never ready for: Wait until you’re really ready to be unselfish. And I think everyone should be selfish when they’re young.