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How many times a day do you apologize for something? Pay attention to the number of times you say “I’m sorry,” even when there is nothing for you to be sorry about. Women are constantly apologizing. They do it unconsciously. It is as automatic as saying hello and good-bye. Gender communication expert Deborah Tannen describes this phenomenon as a conversational ritual for women. Ritual or not, when you say that you’re sorry all the time, it becomes a form of self-depression. By accepting blame even when you are not at fault, you are giving away your power and jeopardizing your professional image. Men like to deflect blame whenever they can. So when you say that you are sorry, they are more than happy to oblige you and let you take the blame.

“For some reason, I’ve found that women in discussion or in group environments always apologize first. We say, ‘I’m sorry, I might not have understood you.’ Why do we say I’m sorry? Why don’t we just say what we really mean? When I hear myself doing that, I find myself thinking, ‘Now why am I doing this?’ That’s something I think we all need to work on,” says Sarah Hudanich, a former computer company executive.