Rejection is one scary thing most of us experience during our first job search, much as we do in the world of dating. Me, I was Rejection Queen during my first (and second, and third…) attempts to find a job. (Notice, I work for myself now, where I will be rejected no more!) Truth is, rejection is actually a good thing. If we are rejected for an opening, it does not necessarily mean we lack competence; it simply means that someone else out there was more qualified or better suited for that particular job. It is not our loss, as much as it feels like it. It is simply the route we didn’t take.

The best way to deal with rejection is to confront it head-on. If you don’t get a job you interviewed for, be gutsy and find out why. It may be that you were the second choice, and that the job went to someone who had five years more experience than you or an insider connection. The interviewer may also be able to offer you tips on how you might improve your candidacy (remove an uncomplimentary reference from your list, get more experience in a particular area, tone down the self-important attitude during future interviews).

That said, the real reason to find out exactly why you were rejected is that doing so will make you feel more in control over the situation. That, in turn, will make you feel at least a bit better about yourself. If you’re like me, the knowledge will also prevent you from conjuring up all sorts of horrible reasons why you were not chosen, all of which are probably highly exaggerated in your mind.

One last thing. During this time of professional uncertainty, many of us are vulnerable to depression. Now is the crucial time to get emotional support from friends—especially those who are going through the job search too, who will be great for commiserating—family, or anyone else who can remind you how great you are.