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How to deal: “Nearly half of all loans to friends and family members are not repaid,” Dr. Frankel says. “It's almost impossible to ensure ten dollars here or twenty dollars there is ever repaid without damaging the relationship. For example, you might say, ‘Hey, Susan, I'm wondering when you're going to repay that ten dollars I loaned you two weeks ago.’ Now this puts you in an awkward situation. So when ‘loaning’ these small amounts you might best consider it a gift if the person doesn't offer to repay it. When it comes to larger amounts, you want to put in writing the expectation of how and when it will be repaid. The other person should sign the ‘loan’ agreement. If you're not willing to do this, then you shouldn't loan the money because getting it back is pretty iffy.”
Big-ticket activities.
“One time my friends wanted to go to Palm Springs for the weekend, but I had literally no money in my bank account,” says Sarah, 23. “I told them I couldn’t go but they whined and said ‘It won’t be any fun without you!’ and my friend said she’d loan me the money for the weekend. I finally agreed, but it was miserable. I couldn’t enjoy myself because every time I spent any money I worried about paying my friend back.”
How to deal: Frankel says: “Honesty is the best policy. [Say] ‘That sounds like a wonderful activity and I would love to join you, but my budget just can't afford it. Thanks for including me and let me know next time—maybe I'll be in a better financial situation.’ Then do not succumb to someone who says, ‘I'll loan you the money’ or ‘I'll pay for you.’ Your response needs to be a firm, ‘I'm so glad you're such a good friend, but I really do want to pay my way.’” Remember, true friends won't want to drive you in debt just to spend time together.
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| MorganC | |
| This just happened to me the other day. I was at a celebration dinner for my friend and and four of us decided to split this REALLY expensive pitcher of Pimms. I know I couldn't afford it, but I gave in. Then, when we went to divide up the cost, and I realized that the friend of honor wasn't going to be paying because this was her night. Then one of the other girls decided--I only had a sip so I don't think I should pay. I ended up spending like 30 bucks for this stupid drink. And it's not like everyone signed a contract you can hold them to. | |
| coquis81 | |
| I have a friend who would never bring cash with her because she "did't have a job", so everyone was always picking her part of the tab. Some of us finally got fed up and decided that the easist thing to do would just be to say no. It was actually hard, but you can't let friends just weasel you out of your hard earned cash! It's different when a friend who doesn't have a job because she's trying and can't get one, compared to someone you know that is just sitting at home watching soaps. | |
| crashing_nightingale | |
| This article is so funny because I thought I was the only one that felt this way. Thank you Savvy miss! :-) I have a friend who LOVES going to expensive restaurants and all the so-called "hot" hollywood hotspots. She has mom's credit card to use; I, on the other hand, have to work 50/hrs a week and pay off student loans. She likes to order LOTS of food, so when we go out to dinner, I would always give in whenever she wanted an appetizer, cocktails, and dessert so it wouldn't look like i was being cheap. I finally told her I think it's ridiculous whenever she orders food/drinks she doesn't even eat and I feel pressured to pay for half of it, and I am being more aggressive in saying "no." now, thankfully. | |
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