Heading off to college, you expected higher education—the brilliance of Shakespeare, the complexities of Organic Chemistry, the terror of Econ 101. But what you may not have anticipated was another lesson, perhaps the most important, that you’d be learning outside the classroom: How to live peacefully with a roommate—be it your best friend or a total stranger.

No matter who you live with in college, it’s imperative that you set ground rules. They’ll help you avoid the inevitable anger with your roomie when she eats your groceries or brings a guy home the night before a big exam.

“Try to be as clear as possible about boundaries and tasks from the get-go,” says Michael Roloff, a professor of Interpersonal Conflict at Northwestern University. “Create a schedule of when things need to be done. If you can’t agree on that before you move in together, you might never be able to—and you better look for a new roommate.”

Should conflicts arise anyway, make sure to deal with them face-to-face. “Most roommates avoid confrontation and try to influence each other indirectly by trying to set a good example, hinting, or simply avoiding each other,” says Roloff.  “The best and hardest thing to do is disclose the problem and suggest alternative ways to solve it.”

Night guests.
Bringing guys home at night is an especially important issue to broach with your roommate early in the school year. You may think it is totally acceptable to have your boyfriend—or even a random hookup—sleep over. Your roomie may feel differently.

“Don’t bring a guy back while your roommate is there. It’s not fair to kick her out of the room while you’re with him—or worse, let her stay while you are two feet away with a boy in your bed,” says Jessy Arisohn, a senior at Washington University in St. Louis. “If the two of you are close friends, have an understanding that it’s okay to bring a guy home for a few hours while the other leaves and hangs out with friends.”