Are you a Booty Call?

By Ian Kerner

Sex? Love. Sex. Love? There comes a time in a dating woman’s life when she finds herself wondering if the guy she’s hanging out with is after a piece of her heart, or after a piece of something else. The confusion of men saying one thing and doing another combined with the overanalyzing of every detail by our girlfriends can leave any woman wondering how to know if she’s about to have a serious boyfriend or end up a booty call. Curious ourselves, Savvy Miss turned to sex & relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, Ph.D., for his expert opinion.

Dear Ian,
I’ve been hooking up with this guy and I still can’t figure out if he really likes me or if I’m just a booty call? He says all the right things, but actions speak louder than words, right?

Right. Turn down the volume and look at what he’s doing, not saying. I knew one guy who always used to say, “I don’t know if I believe in love, but I sure do believe in saying I love you.” Talk is cheap, so look at his actions: Do you go on actual dates together, or do you typically get together for a drink or two before sex? Does he make a plan in advance to see you, or does he call out of the blue? Have you socialized with his friends and family, or is sex always the main component of your encounters? Are you spending the night together, or is one of you going home when all is said and done?

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Displaying comments 1 to 3 out of 3

KatWilder -- Marin County

I don't know, Morgan. You both would have to experience each other in a different way to start.

But the woman can lead it. If she decides she doesn't want to be his Love Thang, she can say it to him, and then carry on with her life (and mean it, too, and not get weak and give it up again). If he decides that he wants more than that with her after all, he'll be back — the right way.

And, my bad — my blogs are at http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder .. not blobs!!!!

MorganC
Can booty calls ever develop into relationships?? I've always wondered that...

KatWilder -- Marin County

Just by the way she herself describes the relationship — "I've been hooking up with this guy" — pretty much says it all to me. If you check in with yourself and listen to what you say and feel about what's going on, you'll be in touch with your "gut."

Like what Dr. Kerner says — If he wants to see you and do things with you outside of the bedroom (or wherever you're trysting), then he's interested in you for things other than sex — regardless of what he says. If not, well, save yourself the heartache of wanting more than what's there.

Read all my blogs at http://blobs.marinij.com/katwilder

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