dating rut, how to get out of a dating rut

It seems many of us fall into a dating rut where the same thing happens again and again, but we don’t know how to change it. Instead of beating ourselves up over it, we asked Marni Kamins and Janice MacLeod, authors of The Dating Repair Kit, how we can stop the cycle and have the fabulous love life we all deserve.

SM: What are some ways we can get out of a dating rut?
MK: Stop saying yes to everyone who asks you out. Because I know sometimes you can get in a rut and then you go out and [think], “This guy just said I’m cute, and he’s a lawyer, and he lives here, and he’s really great except I’m totally not attracted to him, but I’ll go out with him anyway and maybe I could be attracted to him.” The thing is: If you can’t be attracted to him then you can’t be attracted to him.

JM: If you’re dating the same person over and over then that’s a pattern in you, it’s not a pattern in them. So what you want to do is look at what is similar in all these guys and go, “Hmm, clearly that’s my problem.”

SM: What day-to-day activities can we do to meet new, quality people?
MK: The best way to seriously break out of a rut is to change the energy around you. It may sound new age-y, but the energy around you really influences the way you feel and the way people act around you. Some ways to change the energy around you is to exercise (if you don't already). Do something different. If you normally bike or run, go on a hike in the mountains or go swim in a pool. Acupuncture is also an easy way to change your energy. Try committing to acupuncture twice a week for a month and see how that changes your "rut."