“What does the woman want for her life, what is in the way of her wishes if commitment is an issue? Many women that I see need to first clarify their wishes, and then begin the process of looking deeply into their lives,” Dr. Vazquez says.  

Single Mistake: Dating men you’re not really interested in.
Clara on the other hand dated men she did not desire. “Knowing they would worship me, I could do some of the rejecting and gain an ego boost.”

Several reasons women have trouble with the ability to commit are “childhood experiences of loss. At the core of avoiding commitment is an issue of basic trust—the ability to feel safe and cared for by another human being,” Dr. Vazquez says.

Learning from my single mistakes.
I realize now the people that end up in healthy relationships remain themselves, and don’t settle for a piece of a man, but instead have the power to walk away from something that they do not want. I always ended up wanting more but shorted myself from the beginning because I was convinced that men did not want to be with me. Saying I didn’t want a commitment was a way to avoid the inevitable, that he would not want to keep me, love me, or give himself to me exclusively.

Waiting around for a man’s love, hoping for it and trying to make it happen because you want to be with him is not the way a healthy relationship should begin. Be actionable, and stick up for yourself. Through being dynamic, believing in yourself, staying true to your wants and needs and enjoying someone and building a relationship with them you are taking a step in the right direction.  

Dr. Vazquez suggests “if you no longer wish to be single, state this wish clearly to yourself, be assertive! Act according to your wish, if you want a committed relationship, pick people who also want the same. Be prepared to get out of an undesirable situation quickly. If you find that past history is seriously interfering with your ability to find prospective partners, seek professional help.”