The “ideal” female figure is a cruel, cruel torture device encoded into girls’ DNA that makes them believe that attainment of this “ideal” figure is actually possible. In all cases, if a girl sets a certain weight to be her “ideal” weight and after months or years happens to reach that weight, rest assured that it’s not a time for celebrating a job well done. Instead, it’s time for the next round of self-flagellation, whether it’s:
  • “My breasts aren’t big enough,” (popular choice);
  • “My ass is too big,” (god forbid);
  • “My upper arm flab is disgusting,” (admit it, you’ve thought that… but guys don’t).
At this point, that inevitable answer (“No, babe, you look gorgeous”), curt and uninterested as it may seem leaving a guy’s mouth, is nonetheless just as heartfelt as before. Because you really aren’t too this or that, and there’s a Berlin Wall separating what’s in your head and what’s in his head when it comes to contextualizing your body.

Women might fear that such self-critique makes them look insecure. It does, but men find a sane level of insecurity attractive in women. We dread the day you reach the pitiable stained-T-shirt-wearing, hand-down-the-underwear level of comfort with yourself that we enjoy on a daily basis. Men aren’t annoyed by the “fat” question as much as we are intrigued that you take a pride in your appearance that we refuse to.

Men are keenly aware that sometimes, the “fat” question is hollow, usually thrown out as a ploy for attention. Translation: “I want you to look at me, right now, and then compliment me on my body like the subject just came up naturally through conversation,” (it didn’t). Some girls are just loath to actually demand attention in a straightforward way, lest they see themselves as attention-hungry and needy.