Not giving you as much as you gave him: There’s the first problem. When did it become tit for tat or who does more for whom? These kinds of feelings are childish, unless he was a completely selfish, arrogant asshole who did nothing for you and there was no sense of balance and love—in which case you did the right thing.

You kept it moving and now you have to keep it running and don’t look back. With a relationship of four years, of course it will be difficult to get over. Not many marriages even last that long, especially these days. But even with that said, you felt how you felt for a reason and going back won’t solve anything. You’ll be back to the same problems. You are reminiscing about all the good and leaving out the negative, all while not giving any newbies a chance. You will get over him, you simply need to really let go. Think of him as a whole person, both the good and the bad, and then tell me: Has he called you and asked for you back, saying that he wants to change? If the answer is no, that alone should lead you in the right direction—away from him.

Solie is currently partying her life away after more than 12 years of serial monogamy. She works as a fundraiser and event planner in Boston.