As far as never loving anyone as much as him again, you will. That feeling of hopelessness probably stems from the fact that you have never resolved this situation and it seems like you regret it very much. Before I get into answering the question about what you should do, I want to touch on something that struck me about your story—the decision you made to break up with this person, whom you loved. The fact that you are still agonizing over that decision two years later leads me to believe that you ended things in order to illustrate a point to him. You wanted him to change his behavior but when you communicated with him, there was no change, so you took a drastic measure. If you were truly not happy with him and were resolved with the fact that he could not make you happy, you wouldn’t be agonizing over this decision two years later. It is almost like you made this decision as a power play.

Everyone has specifics about their personalities that are difficult to swallow and you either choose to love them in spite of them, or you move on. I guarantee that the traits that drove you to end the relationship are traits that he exhibited all along. However, in your head, you operated under the assumption that he would eventually change. Sometimes people change, but most of the time they do not. No one you date is going to give you everything you need. In the beginning, it is in our best interest to sift through the love haze and see people clearly. If there is something that you cannot accept and can’t work out, then end it and remain confident in your decision. Eventually you’ll find someone you want to work it out with.

Okay, so what to do now. I realize that most women’s magazines would not encourage this but… just call him. If something has affected you this deeply for this long, it needs to be dealt with. While you always have to maintain a sense of pride, sometimes you need to let it go and be vulnerable. I’ve been through this and ultimately the only way I was able to put my own agony to rest was to pick up the phone. After I made that decision (and after some time), it became clear to me that I had been pining away for someone that I probably should not have wasted two months on. You may not have that same experience, but I am sure certain questions will be answered. If you stay honest with yourself, getting in touch with him could relieve your pain in one way or another. Call him, talk with him, close the door and move on. If you made a mistake by breaking up with him, admit it. The only way to purge someone like this from your thoughts is to bring them out of the fantasy and into reality.