You're right, there's no way of being subtle about this, nor should you be. Are you overreacting about an STD? No, you are not. Or, to put it another way, "no, you are not." I guess what I'm really trying to say is, "no," (dramatic pause) "you are not." Or, to translate from the original French, "no, you are not."

Mais non.

Herpes isn't a death sentence, but it is one heckuva a life sentence. More troubling than his past sexual behavior, which unfortunately resulted in his contracting the disease, is his apparent withholding of information relevant to your future sexual behavior. I don't know how intimate you two have become, but you need to ask yourself, "should he have told me by now?"

I'm guessing yes.

I'm not saying you should break up with Mr. Forthcoming—although your choice to describe him as "this guy" doesn't make me too optimistic—but there'll come a time (and it sounds like it might be soon) when he Should tell you the full height, width and depth of his medicine cabinet. If he doesn't open his mouth, I wouldn't open your...uh, heart.

There are greater stakes here. Taking off your pants takes about, what, three seconds? Herpes is a lifelong commitment.


Kevin Bleyer is the co-author of I Love You, Nice to Meet You: A Guy And a Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up. He is an Emmy-winning writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and previously was a writer for “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.” He has been featured on NPR’s “All Things Considered,” “Weekend Edition” and “Marketplace.” He also founded the LA-based sketch comedy group “The But Franklies.”