When getting to know your date, it is important to utilize open-ended queries that allow him to reveal his personality. Avoid close-ended questions or those that have a forced choice. Better, "Tell me about the last stripper you dated,” than "Are looks important to you?" With the former, you are creating a format for an open dialogue with description and insight into your date's preferences and dislikes. With the latter, you are pinning him down to a simple "yes/no" response with little to no room for expansion.
Of course, the content is as equally important as the style. As we all know, there are certain taboo questions on first dates: "How much money do you make?" or "Can you meet my parents tomorrow?" and "Don’t you hope I'm ovulating the first time we have sex? You know, about 11 months from now?" are all deal-breakers. These questions demonstrate shallowness, poor boundaries and prudishness, respectively. Additionally, asking questions about topics that are unfamiliar or undesirable to the average man is ill-advised. "What brand of tampon did your last girlfriend use?" and "Which episode of The View last week was your favorite?" are examples of poor questioning.
They say never to discuss religion or politics in polite company. Beyond that and keeping in mind both style and content, I would avoid questions such as these, as they violate all the laws of good conversation:
"I don't enjoy sex or sports, so would you rather spend today knitting a blanket or simply crocheting a shawl?"
"You don’t like beer do you? Because in our family we are only going to drink water.”
"How much are you going to spend on my engagement ring?"
"I have an excessively long menstrual cycle and refuse to take Motrin. Is this a problem?"
Dr. Dobrenski is a practicing Psychologist in New York City. When not helping people become mental giants, he writes his twice weekly column at ShrinkTalk.Net. He is also working on his first book, a behind-the-scenes look at mental health. Upon completion, he will accept the first of many Pulitzer Prizes.
Back to Advice Uncensored panel
|LILA -- Los Angeles|
|thanks for the tip on how to ask questions on a date -- not just which ones to NOT to ask!|