An overreaction would be to bring out the blow torch and make sure none of those little beasties could make the trip from him to you.

You’re walking a fine line with our good friend Trust, though. You speak up and the chance of the relationship going anywhere could be mortally wounded, and not by the blow torch either. If he learns you’ve been snooping, then the alarm bells start ringing that you’re his own “fatal attraction” and the subject of trust between you both will always be an issue.

The question you need to tackle is whether this guy is someone you want to risk your health with? If the answer is yes then you need him to raise the subject or, better yet, you demand that you both go to the STD clinic and get tested, so you both know that you’re clean. In a world with continued news stories of the increase in sexually transmitted diseases, there are a lot of people out there, quite possibly unknowingly, packing some kind of awful heat.

If he refuses to get tested then by all means continue to date him, but make it very clear that your pants are staying firmly on, and so are his. There isn’t a more sure-fire way to get a guy to take notice than to cast him out into the desert for a few weeks. And if he isn’t willing to earn your respect and trust by doing something which is for the benefit of both of you, then do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t respect you or your health?

Being tested will give him a natural way to bring up that he caught herpes—much better than trying to engineer the subject into conversation. It also allows him to talk about it in a mature way. The clinic should be able to advise him on the best way to tackle it in the future and minimize the risk of passing it on to you.

Then comes the big question: Do you like him enough—and think the relationship is strong enough—to love him despite the virus and his potential to pass it on? If he tackles the problem responsibly, herpes is a controllable condition and outbreaks can be managed through changes in his lifestyle, diet and specific treatments.