Is it? In the grand scheme of things, no. However, let’s think about why it’s inconsiderate. For one, there’s a practical reason—who wants to fall in the toilet half-asleep in the middle of the night (that’s happened to me and it wasn’t pretty for me or him!). Here we have a real reason why it’s an issue. Then there’s the part about not acknowledging our (female) presence. It’s like our form of territory just as leaving the seat up may be for our partners. “He’s not living with his brothers anymore,” says Monica about her live-in beau leaving the seat up. “He has to recognize he’s living with a woman now.”

Verdict: It’s not a cause for a break up, but if it bothers you there’s no reason you can’t “fall” in the toilet the next time the seat’s up to make your point loud and clear.

Scenario No. 2: Code-switching
It’s not unusual for coupled individuals to act differently with their buddies—it’s what we call “code-switching.” But sometimes our partners can take code-switching to another level. Recently-engaged Tamara knows this well: “I overheard my fiancé talking with his boys—he didn’t know I could hear—about women as if he was a pimp! It made me question if I really knew who I was going to marry.” How did Tamara’s fiancé respond when she confronted him? “He said I was overreacting and making a fuss about nothing because that’s what guys do.”