Relocating for Love...Everything You Need to Know
Don’t drop bombs.
Promise both him and yourself not to throw the, “I left my life behind for you!” bomb into every argument. He is aware of your sacrifice and reminding him will not make him feel sorrier for you, it will make him feel sorry for himself. Marc and I made a deal long before I moved out to California: In order for our relationship to work, it had to be on its own terms, not out of his sense of responsibility.
Be reasonable in your expectations.
Your boyfriend can be your best friend and the love of your life; but he cannot be your girlfriend, parent, job consultant, chauffeur, encyclopedia and psychiatrist. “I didn’t have a car, a job – anything,” says Amy, whose relationship fell apart four months after the move. "It’s an uncomfortable power balance because you’re on their turf, they know everything and you know nothing. And you don’t want to feel clingy, but what other choice do you have?”
Because you inevitably will rely on your boyfriend for many things, it is good to talk about why this is, and what you are doing to change it.
Always remember who you are, and who he fell in love with.
That night while I was crying at the diner, my friend said: “If you hate yourself, how is he supposed to love you?” Damn her for being so intelligent. She didn't recognize the weeping girl in front of her, and neither did I. The following week I went to a baseball game and enrolled in dance classes – and Kiefer Sutherland bought me a drink. (Technically, he bought everyone in the bar a drink, but that's beside the point.) And, as silly as it sounds, at the time that was all both Marc and I needed.
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I enjoyed this article and I appreciate the offbeat topics you tackle. This is a real tough one. I would advise that no matter how great you think the guy is, if you can't really see yourself in his city or state without him, then I wouldn't make the move. You have to see yourself getting along there as much as you see yourself there with him. But that's probably not very romantic. The other issue is: how long does your true love planning on living there? If he's not really at "home," maybe it's not worth the bother. Oh dear; that's even less romantic. Well, those are my thoughts, b/c I'm grappling with that same issue.
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oh god, how true! i am now facing the toughest 2 1/2 months of my life, having relocated across the world for my husband (then fiance). Without a job (no identity, no income), no friends (his friends aren't really considered mine now, are they?), an 'inherited' housemate who abhors my presence because i am perceived as a 'freeloader' even though he knows my circumstances, and people from my country of origin who automatically assume that my life is perfect now and refuse to hear me say anything negative about it, for some reason, it's inevitable that i sometimes wonder if i made the right decision after all. it's a BIG decision, so THINK HARD and do your homework before making the leap!
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