Before the wedding, both the man and the woman should be as introspective as possible and think about both their strong and weak points. Then they need to share all of those strengths and weaknesses with each other. Both parties need to honestly consider whether or not they can deal with the other’s weaknesses. –Stephen Arnold, Birmingham, Ala.

In the marriages that make it, people don’t say, “That isn’t what I bargained for when I got married.” When there is a change in the marriage, for example where the wife goes back to school, or the husband changes careers, the most important thing a spouse can do is be adaptable and support changes in the other spouse. –Patricia Ferrari, New York, N.Y.

Have marital discussions in the “I” form instead of the “You” form. Conversations that begin with “you never” aren’t productive. Begin your sentences with “I feel.” Don’t speak about your spouse in “always” or “never” terms. –Helen Christian, Salt Lake City, Utah

People court their lover, but not their spouse. Couples need to do the same thing for a husband or wife that they would do with a new girlfriend or boyfriend. To keep the marriage alive, people need to keep surprises in the relationship. –Lowell Sucherman, San Francisco, Calif.

The secret to a good marriage is to find your equal partner. Not someone who is going to dominate you or who you can dominate. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose and trust. When a couple has those things there ain’t nobody who is going to break that marriage up. –Allen Zerman, St. Louis, Mo.

Reprinted with permission from The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Married (Volt Press) by Wendy Jaffe.