2. Follow up. After you’ve both had some time to reflect on the argument, check in with your partner, see how he feels about the situation, if there is anything unresolved, and share how you feel as well.

3. Don’t hold a grudge. Covalt says this is the worst thing you can do. “After you complete the argument, make sure you say to yourself, ‘I’m not just going to remember what’s bad about this person,’ but try to shift into positive thought or feelings,” she says.

The best way to work through an argument is if both people approach it maturely, with a positive attitude, and with the goal of coming to a constructive resolution, not winning or topping their partner in a name-calling match (so you may want to leave this article around for your partner to read before your next disagreement). But even if the other person is uncooperative, you can still be mature and follow Covalt and Toler’s advice—this is one instance when it doesn’t always take two, but there’s a good chance he’ll follow your lead.

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