Find Out What REALLY Goes on at Bachelor Parties

Continued from page 5

SM: What can women do about bachelor parties?
DB: If there’s one thing I learned it’s that if there’s a role for women it’s encouraging men to do this. Because I think if there were more opportunities for guys to get together and bond then there would be less worry about the bachelor party.

My advice to women is to go light on guys. There’s not much to be gained by setting up this rigid ‘I don’t want you to look at another woman again’ thing. It doesn’t work out well for anyone.

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Ambiance

I can't tell you how happy I was to find Savvy Miss yesterday in my search for information on Bachelor Parties. But I must say I am not reading anything here about what REALLY goes on at these parties. Ladies did you know that the girls who do batchelor parties do not wear a thong? Did you know that they open themselves up and show PINK? Did you know that they run toys of all kinds in and out of their bodies while merely inches from your married husbands? Did you know that if anything is done by someone it is KNOWN that not ONE MAN opens his mouth even to his wife about what happens? Conspiracy Theory that I have already experience myself, this is not fictional. I was naive and thought it was just some titty flashing that they can not touch the women... I thought it was like a strip club - wrong.... While I can enjoy the erotica of a beautiful woman and can enjoy a strip club with my man, what I can not stand is married men covering up these situations and allowing such negative energy to surround weddings. I gave permission for my fella to go to a strip club and have fun but nothing more. No ones house, No private parties, no weekends away with "women". PERIOD. I will not tolerate what I have already seen around someone elses wedding be included in mine. For the women who say "you have to trust them" its not about trusting your man... its about the committed men who to go these functions and use a beautiful event to get a nut while others know adultry is occurring and possible at these marital functions. I'm sorry, if men want to get together for bonding purposed then go play golf, go play pool, even go to a strip club together but don't carry it to an unwelcome extreme. After all I have experienced with batchelor parties I am now thrown into the mix again because my sweetheart's brother is having a weekend getaway in Nevada where prostitution is legal. He would not even allow me to see the invitation. He did tell me that no cameras were allowed. The bride found out about the invitation and made some changes to the evite and set things right. "plenty of food and women" "please keep this only among trusted friends and family" and no cameras - these statements were promptly removed. I might add that my sweetheart kept telling me its all married men they won't do anything infront of their friends. I would like to add that the mad who sent out the invitation is already currently married. I have only stated facts here. Women heads up - there's more going on than these men are telling you.... I didn't mention the girlfriend of mine who walked in the party after the paid girls had left... she was disgusted by the nasty sheets that were left behind. I'm sorry after that I have zero tolerance....

9-5gurl

I appreciate knowing that I can be sexy and turn on a man, I really do, it's empowering to feel sexy and attractive and desired. But I don't do it for dollars.

Again ladies, who is to blame? Is it the strippers, or the men?

I love what lily said about her friends who were strippers who think they're "taking advantage of guys"-- it really made me think about the whole thing. I've always looked down on strippers and equally on men who support (give dollar bills, etc) to strippers. I appreciate knowing what goes on with men & strippers -- scares the crap out of me, but still...who's to blame? If there weren't any men who paid strippers there wouldn't be any strippers...if there weren't any strippers, there wouldn't be men to engage in these acts...tough call, but either way I don't support either especially when it involves a man who is either engaged or married...bottom line, engaging with a stripper is cheating...it isn't some exception to the rule like "it was a stripper so i didn't cheat" and for strippers "he had a ring on but i was being paid so it was business" -- that's terrible and disgusting.

I'm a feminist, but I've done strip clubs (male and female) and of course the male one's are much more about laughing at his speedos than being turned on, but I'm a realist, people go to strip clubs, it happens.

Ideally I would love a love life where no man I know would go to a strip club but unfortunately if that happened he'd probably turn out to be gay...because men do go to strip clubs and I just most of all am relieved to hear (although disgusted) of what really happens...so thanks.

And again ladies, let's decide once and for all, who is to blame: is it the men we love, or the strippers, or both -- I'm going with both!

judjudy

I'm going to say what I think... liz88 the article was to give women information on what happens at bachelor parties (if you read the title I think you would notice that) anyway the author is giving the information on- like what the title says- what happens, not to sugar-coat it. Were all allowed to express our opinions but, in my opinion the person who wrote this article took alot of time to write it and don't say rude things because it's rude and how would you feel if somebody said annoying and disrespectul things about an article you took along time to write? So keep your rude opinions to yourself because you never knows whose family members you are saying rude things about.

liz88

Great discussion! I'm so glad this fueled a dialog.
First and foremost, don't get me wrong: I LOVE Savvy Miss and think it's a really important and necessary web-site and I hope it grows to be the new Glamour or Vanity Fair.
But I think the problem with this article is that this book wasn't written for women... it was written for men, and from the authors' tone, it sounds like is a machismo-congratulating kind of article and I don't think that the author deserves any kudos, because I really doubt his goal is to inform women about the sordid endeavors of bachelor parties.
As a women's studies major (I'll be a junior at Mount Holyoke this fall), I personally just see this book as expanding the perceived schism between women and men, which, in the opinion of many feminists is what creates communication problems between men and women and promotes sexism.
However, in any context, perhaps it was okay that this article was published, because it sparked so much important dialog among readers.

uptownbaby

It's really unfortunate that David seems to suggest that men should be given more opportunities to bond, even if it is exploitative or comes at the expense of women. Despite it being disturbing to read, I think it's important to hear what really goes on and understand what's behind the "tradition." I certainly don't think Savvy Miss is condoning or agreeing with David, but I do think they did a good job in giving the real scoop, even if it squashes our hope that men don't really act or think like this :( I would rather know the truth and deal with it.

Betsy -- Torrance
I think knowing about what happens isn't the same thing as condoning it. I would never want my future finance to have a stripper, but if he does, I would want to know what goes on.

lily -- Los Angeles

I agree. I am really curious what goes on at Bachelor Parties. I would not want my boyfriend to go, but I trust him enough that he won't be one of the "one in ten" that participates in "extra-curriculars." And I don't think that men's actions there should be justified as "living out a fantasy." It's unexceptionable really, but it is interesting to see how a guy can justify this. But do you ladies think that strippers will ever stop stripping? I have friends that turned to stripping that came from middle class neighborhoods. They describe what they do for a living as "taking advantage of guys." Is this ever the case?

9-5gurl

I agree with liz88 that condoning fiances to disrespecting women is outrageous-- well said! But I work incredibly hard hours for less money than many strippers make so I don't feel bad for them whatsoever--they may not have had opportunities as liz88 said, but I didn't either and you won't catch me giving lap dances for dollar bills. And let's not forget some even dabble in prostitution. Who's to blame, the men or the strippers? Or both?

As a woman who has male friends (and boyfriends) who have gone to strip clubs it's nice to hear what really goes on so I appreciate the article and the authors candor, thanks!

MinnieSheila
Oh my gosh, this article was so crazy! My boyfriend is never going to one of these parties! I'm so glad I know what really goes on, even if it is a little scary...

brownhairbabe

Personally, I want to know what goes on at bachelor parties, and I'm not going to have the naiive notion that men don't like to look at strippers, even if it is misogynistic.
The article also isn't saying women should condone this, it's saying they should talk to their partners about it and be realistic about their expectations. After reading this I talked to my boyfriend about it and we got into a discussion about strippers and their place in society and I feel like it was a very positive thing for each of us to learn where the other was coming from. Also, if you read closely, he says a lot of guys feel pressure from society to do these things. Maybe if we're more aware of them we can change that. But pretending it doesn't happen won't change anything.

liz88

As a long-time Savvy Miss reader, I am deeply concerned to see this thoroughly misogynyistic article published here.
This book clearly has no goal of helping women; it's aimed to glamorize men's sexist antics and make money. So why it is being lauded or publicized on a web-site for "intellectually-curious, fun-loving women" is beyond me.
I am very disturbed that this author is urging soon-to-be brides to condone their fiances so disrespecting women, not just as individuals, but as a gender (let's keep in mind that the vast majority of strippers are disenfranchised women who have not had opportunities, so they have to take their clothes off for a living. Statistically, strippers live in poverty... so why are we lauding men who exploit them?). We get totally offended when Laura Bush, a powerful woman, stands behind her husband's anti-woman decisions to try to curb women's access to birth control, abortion, and education... but standing aside while our fiances exploit women at strip clubs is in the same category.
There has been a lot of talk among the women's movement about how the reason why we are losing our rights is because we so condone the antics of men who disrespect us... George Bush and David Boyer alike.
I really like Savvy Miss, but I'm becoming more and more concerned with the kinds of articles that are being published here (the interviews with the Playboy bunnies was disturbing, as well).
Let's stop pretending that we want to be "one of the guys" and take part in exploiting women who have less than us, and try to get some respect from the men in our lives.

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