1. The partners tend to NOT split household duties according to traditional male and female roles.  

2. Both partners believe the other has equal influence over important decisions.

3. Both partners feel they have equal control of the finances and reasonably equal access to discretionary funds.

4. Each person’s work is given equal weight in the couple’s life plans.

Beyond being deeply collaborative, Schwartz explains that buddy marriages place an emphasis on friendship (hence the peer/buddy description): “Peer marriages embody a profound psychological connection.”* Here you won’t find a woman singing along to Destiny’s Child’s Cater to You or wanting to be put on a pedestal. Instead, both she and her partner are looking to be perceived as an equal, a best friend in the relationship.

Why is sex such an issue then?
If buddy marriages experience a greater sense of commitment and intimacy, shouldn’t the sex be great as well? Schwartz explains, “Traditional sexual tension is anchored on difference; male leadership and control of sex is regarded as inherently erotic. The man’s power and status over the woman turns them both on.”*