Have marital discussions in the “I” form instead of the “You” form. Conversations that begin with “you never” aren’t productive. Begin your sentences with “I feel.” Don’t speak about your spouse in “always” or “never” terms. –Helen Christian, Salt Lake City, Utah

People court their lover, but not their spouse. Couples need to do the same thing for a husband or wife that they would do with a new girlfriend or boyfriend. To keep the marriage alive, people need to keep surprises in the relationship. –Lowell Sucherman, San Francisco, Calif.

The secret to a good marriage is to find your equal partner. Not someone who is going to dominate you or who you can dominate. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose and trust. When a couple has those things there ain’t nobody who is going to break that marriage up. –Allen Zerman, St. Louis, Mo.

Reprinted with permission from The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Married (Volt Press) by Wendy Jaffe.