The Dos and Don’ts of Fighting Fair
2. Control your breathing. “Stop and take relaxing breaths as often as you can. That has a powerful effect when you’re in the middle of an argument,” Covalt says.
3. Give yourself time to calm down. “Never discuss serious issues in the heat of the moment, always wait until later when everything’s fine and say ‘this is how I felt when that happened,’” says Judge Lynn Toler, of the shows Divorce Court and Decision House.
Strategy Two: Calm down if you’re already in the middle of a brawl.
Some fights just can’t be avoided, but even if things have escalated to a volume the neighbors can hear, there are some ways to bring it back down and resolve the issue:
1. Stay in tune. “Make sure you feel pretty confident that the other person is being heard. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. Just because I’m listening to you does not mean I agree with you,” Covalt says. Listening is one of the most important things you can do in an argument.
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My boyfriend hates to argue, but sometimes I have to bring things up that bother me. I have learned to talk with him as more of a discussion, and less as an all out yelling match.
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| -- Westwood |
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Sometimes it is so hard for me to avoid a grudge. After I get into an argument with my bf, I want to bring it up all of the time...I'll say something like "remember when you were grumpy and said that I was ______. Well, you're pretty _______ right now too." It makes for such great comebacks, but as I've learned, it just makes you enter the argument over again. I'm working on trying not to do it!
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