No matter how you slice it, snooping is just not a good idea. So don’t do it. Ever.

Goodies.
The gift thing: not so simple.

Here’s a scenario:
You have seen one another four times. Now it’s your/his birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Hanukkah … something festive. What do you do? Simple courtesy requires a gesture of some sort. I always figure when in doubt, a potted plant is a good idea. Maybe a book. But certainly nothing too fraught with meaning.

And what if he gives you a gift that is obviously a mere token? In that parallel universe, anything less than the “perfect” gift is grounds for immediate exile. In the real world, however, it would be completely unfair to judge the worthiness of a potential partner on the kind of gift he gives you at this point in the relationship.

Here’s what happened on my birthday the first year Mr. Romantic and I were going out. We’d been seeing each other for just over two weeks. He asked what I wanted. I told him all I wanted was for him to make love to me all day. Of course, I fully expected him to pick up a little something for my birthday. Suffice it to say, I didn’t get so much as a card from him, though I did get what I asked for.

It got to be February 14. I gave him a card and one of those heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. He gave me nothing. I was crushed and I told him so. And for my birthday that year, he gave me something I’d always wanted, which, naturally, he knew I’d always wanted because I had told him.

In the parallel universe, I would have dumped him after that first birthday. Which would have been a very sad and foolish thing to do.

But what if the man is a keeper but his gifts are the pits?

You gotta tell him, but you can’t say something like, “What the hell is this? You call this a present?” How about this as an alternative: