group sex

Group sex can be an exciting new experience for you and your partner, but before you venture out for some more-than-one-on-one fun, read our tips for staying safe and keeping your relationship intact.

1. The single most important rule to expanding your erotic life beyond your primary relationship is this: You must be completely honest, honorable, reliable and trustworthy about the agreements you make when you try group sex or any other kind of polyamory. If you aren’t prepared to tell the truth, behave with integrity and keep your promises, it won’t work out, so you needn’t read any further.

2. Discuss with your partner what specifically interests you about group sex. What delights you? What terrifies you? What would you like to discover for (or about) yourself in the experience? Is your partner interested in exploring as well? What would they like out of it? If they are not interested, would they be open to your trying it alone? Under what, if any, circumstances would it be okay with them? (Perhaps a workshop would be okay, but a private party would not.)

3. What kind of erotic play do you each want to explore? If you want to explore Tantra and your partner wants to explore BDSM, it’s likely you’ll need to go to different events to get your needs met. Will you accompany each other to events or attend different events (on the same night or different nights)?

4. Decide what size and type of group would be best to serve your needs. A small workshop? A large play party? A medium-sized swingers’ evening? Would you prefer to go to a couples-only event or not?

5. Make mutually agreed-upon rules for yourselves. Which activities are you comfortable with and which are you not? For instance, you and your partner may decide that you’d love to have sex in a group setting, but only with each other. If you and your partner are comfortable being sexual with others, set limits. For example, perhaps it’s fine with you if your partner gives someone a hand job, but not a blow job. Your partner may be comfortable with you participating in a BDSM scene so long as there is no genital contact. Perhaps all lower chakra penetrative sex is off limits, but oral sex is not. Whatever your rules, follow them scrupulously! If you find them too restrictive, don’t break them and then tell your partner; follow them and then discuss modifying them with your partner later.