When a Savvy Miss member had the following question we turned to Dr. Joy Davidson for her expert opinion.

I was molested as a child. Now, twenty years later, I enjoy sex but still cannot give or receive oral sex. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and he’s been understanding and patient, but he continues to try to give me oral sex and I continue to be uncomfortable. I want to get over what happened and to be able to enjoy oral sex like everyone else, but I don’t know how. Is there anything I can do, or anything we can do as a couple, to help me enjoy oral sex?

Let me tell you a little secret: Some women love nothing better than oral sex, and some think it’s rather tame and dull. Nowhere is it written that you “should” love it. In fact, focusing so intently on oral may be creating a pressure that is getting in the way of enjoying it. My advice is to give the whole oral struggle a rest and move on to new and different erotic glories. Your boyfriend especially needs to back way off, because his insistence is a big part of the problem.