When a Savvy Miss member had the following question, we turned to Dr. Patti Britton for her expert opinion.

I’ve never had an orgasm but fake them with every man I have sex with. My boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for three months and I’ve been faking every time. I’m ready to have an orgasm and want him to help me achieve it, but worry about his self-esteem if I tell him I’ve been faking just to make him happy. Should I tell him? And, in general, is faking a bad idea?

Dear Faker:
Oh, sweetie. My heart goes out to you and the millions of women around the world who think they have to fake an orgasm to please their man (or woman). Faking is bad because it hurts you and it hurts your partner, once the cat is out of the bag.

Knowing how your own body works (what gives you pleasure and what specific moves you need to POP) are part of good sex with a partner or alone. So, if you are not orgasmic through masturbation, stop reading this, lie down with an erotic novel and get to it. Yes, knowing how to make your own body shiver and quiver in ecstasy is the gateway to sharing with a partner.

The fact that you never reach partner-orgasm says something about your ability to let go with a guy. Losing control can be a scary feeling, but you will learn to enjoy it and even trust its ‘suspended animation’ state. Maybe you are worried how you might appear, with a scrunchy face or curling toes or eyes squished as you yell or moan. Here’s a wild idea: Try faking the signs of an orgasm not the orgasm itself. You may find that when you’re on your back, breathing heavy, lifting your pelvis up and down, even letting out an audible sigh or an “Oh, yeah, baby,” you’re more likely to provoke your body into orgasmic release.