The fact that you never reach partner-orgasm says something about your ability to let go with a guy. Losing control can be a scary feeling, but you will learn to enjoy it and even trust its ‘suspended animation’ state. Maybe you are worried how you might appear, with a scrunchy face or curling toes or eyes squished as you yell or moan. Here’s a wild idea: Try faking the signs of an orgasm not the orgasm itself. You may find that when you’re on your back, breathing heavy, lifting your pelvis up and down, even letting out an audible sigh or an “Oh, yeah, baby,” you’re more likely to provoke your body into orgasmic release.

According to some studies, 3 out of 4 women have trouble getting to the big “O” through good old sexual intercourse (penis-in-vagina-sex). That doesn’t mean that you don’t like it or love it, it’s just the least effective way to reach female orgasm. Direct or indirect clitoral stimulation is always going to be your pathway to such bliss. YOU are responsible for your own orgasm, not him; so this is your chance to get down to really knowing yourself and your own sexual response—how to get turned on and aroused; how to stay that way and move into the heightened state of that “just before” moment; and then how to surrender to the passion.