spice up your sex life

When a reader had the following question about spicing up her sex life, we went to Gloria Brame for the answer:

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. Our sex life has always been good, but lately it feels more like a routine than something we look forward to. What are some new and creative ways we can spice up our sex life and make things exciting in the bedroom again?


Sooner or later, even the most passionate couples go through phases when the sparkle seems to vanish from their love life. Those exciting new things you did together are now things you've done dozens of times. You find yourself having sex in the same old way, saying and doing the same old things and usually in the same old place too.

As a sex therapist, I can tell you that couples who use these lulls to experiment with new ways of having sex end up happy. And those who let these periods create a rift in their intimacy—by not dealing with it or playing the blame game—end up being ex-couples. So, for the sake of your sexual pleasure and the health of your relationship, my advice is that you view this as an opportunity to try new things rather than a stumbling block in an otherwise good relationship.

Here's a hot list of five of the best ways for couples to break out of the bedroom blahs and spice up your sex life.

1. Do it in another place. Oddly enough, sometimes just changing the place where you have sex wakes you up from the sexual doldrums. If you always (or only) do it in bed, next time try it on the living room floor or on top of the kitchen table. If privacy is an issue, try a shower-for-two—the running water will muffle your moans. If you enjoy the outdoors, grab a tent and find a quiet spot where you can make love under starry skies. Add a dose of spontaneity (grab him by surprise when he walks through the door and have your way with him then and there) and it's sure to liven things up.