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testsavvy10 -- Smalleville

I like the new interactive features.


inf2k -- Novosibirsk
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inf2k
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inf2k
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greg -- Del Mar
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greg -- Del Mar
long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test... long message test...

inf2k
Here's a tip: Drop your cookies before you re-visit a site. Otherwise, if prices have dropped in the meantime, they'll still show you the price from the last time you visited.

nicole007 -- ?
harley is a sweet dog who loves savvy miss and dearly wants to comment & chat & meet new members

nicole007
talking

testsavvy10

Good blog entry!


testsavvy10

michael was here.

Where's the beef?


testsavvy10

I like this blog.


cannonbose

LA never seemed like a walker friendly city. Sure walk along the beach, but drive to them.


babye070
I like to think there are "walking areas" in L.A. It is just toooo big to walk everywhere and the public transportation sucks!
It goes like this:
drive somewhere (i.e. the Grove), walk around. Drive to another somewhere (i.e. 3rd St. Promenade). Park.
Walk around. repeat.

bella
a few years ago a friend of mine and her husband moved from new york (lots of walking and good public transportantion, plus cabs, etc)to L.A.,which has almost none of the above. In New York they didn't own a car. After two weeks in L.A. they each had to buy a car. That says it all to me.

bella
we definitely get pressured by all the magazines, TV, movies that stress "thin is in" and "skinny is beautiful..." I even have a girlfriend who called her boyfriend from the dressing room of a classy boutique while trying on bathing suits.She was in a total emotional melt down because she felt so fat. And this girl was gorgeous. it was all in her head..not her hips.
So we've all had these experience when we listened to society tell us how we are suppossed to be and now it's telling us what "beautiful " is.

cannonbose

The breakup is a time for change and renewal. It seems like the beau is living in the hopeful, but not, past. It seems like a good time for you to move on and find a new favorite spot.


bella
Sounds like he is trying to keep the relationshp alive..ie. the "accidental running into each other". This could be a whole new area of divorce law. "ok this is my turf, you find your own deli" as part of the settlement. There could be entire streets one or the other would not be allowed to drive on. You must live in Califonia.

sarabel

Did you see that the celebs are not going to be taxed for the free stuff they get at awards show. So ironic that once someone is famous and can afford all this stuff they get it free. I totally agree with you on this. Of course if I got free stuff I wouldn't be complaining.


bella
i don't know where you could draw the line except to tax the free clothes, jewelry, etc. Lets face it the celebs only get it so the rest of us will want to wear what they wear. And i don't know about you but I don't look as good as Jennifer Aniston looks in a pair of designer jeans.

shmishek

I understand because I always procrastinate, I would first think about your laundry, put in a load and then chill out. Pick out outfits and know you can wash stuff when you get to your destination. Go to the airport 1.5 hours before and if possible carryon your bags to avoid lines, and do internet checkin too so that you can relax. Everyone hates to think they'll be there mom, but we got to face it, its in us...but we can be more relaxed and keep taking breaks for yourself so you don't get overwhelmed...good luck though on your trip hope this helps!


slyman

You know I actually lost a lot of friends in high school because people didn't call, or call back, or something like that. I came to realize that things come up, and if the friend is important to you a missed phone call or visit is okay. We all get busy and I certainly flake a good portion of the time. Life is busy and there's only so much you can fit into one day. Oh and those friends in higschool who got so mad about the calls...they all ended up getting mad at each other for the calls and now no one is friends!


slyman

Boston girl this is called LA culture! East coasters boast about their public transit and all that. Angelinos revel in the car culture. We drive from one end of the strip mall to the other (with a circle or two to make sure we find parking right in front) to avoid the walk. This is the land of cars. You're sized up by the car you drive so you'd better be seen in it as often as possible!


nicole007
I was living in Boston at the time. I had just moved there. Two weeks before my parents had left Boston, heading for Los Angeles on American Airlines flight 11--the same Boston to Los Angeles flight that on 9-11 crashed into the first tower. I, like everyone, will never forget that day. I will never forget the silence of the streets, the city and the sky...I will never forget the love & comfort that strangers gave to one another.

Sydney44
I was in NYC when 9/11 happened, and I can tell you that I still get chills when I remember that day. I was working at a coffee shop downtown, about eight blocks from the tower, and suddenly you just heard this noise, then deafening silence, and then a few minutes later the sound of yelling and running. And then thousands of people, just rushing through the streets. We turned on the radio, and didn't know what to do at first... then the first tower collapsed and they told everyone to leave the area. We handed out juice and water to everyone passing, until we ran out. I'll always regret that we ran out of water as the people coated in dust started to walk past. Then we closed up shop and walked home. I had to walk 90 blocks to get home. It was amazing, every store opened up to people and were handing out water, food, even the little stalls of Chinatown were giving away those embroidered/beaded little slides to the women walking in their suits and toe-pinching high heels. It really showed how when it comes down to it, people are truly good--even when... especially when... hell is breaking loose all around you.

Carita

As I’ve become accustomed to in situations of world wide chaos, I heard about the planes hitting the twin towers through a text message from my brother. I was sitting in a class room on the other side of the world, my teacher telling me how to write a news story. Yet when I said something about the towers he said we would have to wait until the end of class to turn on the television. He didn’t know. We didn’t know. How could we?

We sat there for six hours, just watching it happen. The first time with disbelief, and every replay with fear. In 22 years, I had never felt closer to a global war than on this day. It might well have been the end of the world, except they were showing Everybody Loves Raymond on channel 4.

I took this opportunity to reconnect with a friend I had fallen out with. I figured, if the world would go under, maybe this would be our time to reconcile. I was wrong. She now approached life with the attitude that if these were her last days on earth she wasn’t going to waste them on people she didn’t like. So we didn’t reconcile. And the world didn’t end. And I suppose after all that happened the world didn’t change much either. In fact, yesterday when I turned on the TV, there it was again, towers collapsing and Everybody Loves Raymond. And I wonder what we learned.


MissNewJersey

Yet another reason I love Spain! As if the tapas, beautiful plazas, cafes, and flamenco were not enough...


sarabel

I was staying with my then boyfriend in Southern CA. When I woke up and turned on the news I thought they were showing a terrorist attack in the middle east. It took me a good 5 minutes to realize it was at home. It was a tense morning getting a hold of family members who work in the Pentagon, those in NYC, and those travelling abroad. I remember after the attacks driving around Los Angeles and every single car had an American flag. Every single one.


sarabel

Sheila it's like you read my mind. Men have issues with women who are too clingy but then the indpendent gals who aren't have an attitude? ?? Can you please pick one! I too live by the moto, treat others as you would like to be treated. I don't want some guy depending on me for everything and I'm sure he doesn't want me depending on him. I do think that independent women scare most men. It takes a certain maturity to not be threatened by a woman with a career, house, car, life.


shgoss

Sarabel, I like your last statement. Yes, the man must be mature and I've learned maturity is a state of mind and has nothing to do with his age...lol


CoffeeAddict

Sounds like the problem is that that guy isn't independent... he's clearly clingy and wants someone to mutually cling to!

You've clearly got yourself together, and any confident and independent guy is going to love that. He'll respect that you've got your own thing going on. And, he'll feel more loved by you because he'll see that you're together because you WANT to be, not because you NEED or HAVE to be.


yjauthor

You know Shelia its funny that you would bring this topic up on this particular day. I'm not sure if you are familiar with Michael Baisden, but this happens to be the very topic of his show today and I'll tell you, I finally gave up trying to call in and will be darned if I pay to sign up for a chat room to voice my opinion. These are my thoughts on the issue: 1) I don't think women would be deaf to the suggestion that we be old fashioned. You know how God really meant it to be, back in the Adam and Eve days. But truth be told, BOTH Adam and Eve screwed up. But let me just fast forward a little bit. Our grandmother's and grandfathers and great grands etc, knew their roles, and yes ladies as much as we hate to hear that, during that era we had roles. Now stay with me here. It is these roles that men want US in, but with a twist....they want us to be seen and not heard BUT still bring in money to the household and so on. So in essence men want their cake and eat it too. I don't think you would get too much of a fuss from a woman who had or has a man who is fullfulling HIS role as the man in the relationship. With a man fullfilling his rightful and TRUE role, a woman has no choice but to fulfill hers. 2) Men have failed to realize that THEY are the creation of today's independent women. How? Do you ask? Back in the day, even though I don't condone it, Papa may have been a rolling stone, and snuck around, but Papa always made sure home was taken care of. Little Johnny always had Mama and Daddy there in the same household raising him. Now with a large population of OUR men specifically (i'm not making this a racial issue but it is true) in jail, gay or on the down low, or just plain losers, we don't have much to pick from. Men are leaving women to raise little girls and little boys at alarming rates and have the nerve to say how dare a woman try to play the role of both mama and daddy to the child. You left her no choice. Thus the creation of the Independent woman. The woman did what she had to do, raise those children. Teach Susie how to be a lady, teach JOhnny how to treat a lady. Play dolls with Susie and play football with Johnnie. So in the process women then realized, hey, I'm doing it okay, and thus realized that she no longer had to settle for just anything or anyone for the sake of having a man. She realized she had choices. The same choices and values she instilled in her children about being the best they can be and not settling for just anything and that they deserved the best, they started to realize this about themselves. So now men are intimidated by us. Men, just because we say hi doesn't mean we are interested. Just because YOU say hi doesn't mean we are insterested. If we express that we are not interested in a man, we are stuck up, snoody and the B word. Men these days are holding on so tight to their money as if they can take it to Heaven or Hell with them. Then they get a woman who doesn't need their money and they have a problem with it. Then get this... they flash their money, cars and bling to attract and get a woman and then when he does have the nerve to call her a Gold Digger! Well geesh.. stop showing the Cookie Monster your cookies fool. Men want a woman to play the woman role which is true, but then wants to spend her money and hold on to it, and wants us to glorify him as THE MAN that he is not living up to. Now ladies, lets get real, this is more about men's egos than anything. They have created this so called monster called the independent woman and now can't handle it. That's kind of like being an abusive parent and then puzzled with the child grows up to beat up on women or kill people. Duh. I think that that is why it is good to communicate. Both the woman and the man need to have an understanding, and I mean a TRUE understanding. Don't say you can handle it when you know you can't. Now before I make this next statement please be advised that I am NOT a lesbian, and don't down anyone that is, but wanted to clarify that before I made this next statement. In this day and age, where women make their own money, own their own homes and cars, mow their own lawns, change their own oil, a healthy supply of AAA to D batteries, 2 healthy hands with 10 agile fingers, and the uprise of Lesbianism and stores like Adam and Eve.com and Condoms to go, Men, you really need to get yourselves together, because sooner or later, you won't need to be on the down low, because all you all will have is each other. Now I know that probably wasn't nice, but someone had to say it. On the flip side, women, if you are in a relationship with a man and you're holding your own, it is still no reason to disrespect the men in our lives. Treat him like the king he is, but as Selina Johnson sings, If you want to be the King, you have to wear the crown.


yjauthor

Now I agree that the guy has to be mature as well as independent to appreciate the independent woman..but the age thing.. I'm going to have to agree to disagree.. cause older man, although all age groups have their issues, do it for me. Just me though. :-)


bella
they are subject to the same rules as the rest of us, they just have better lawyers!

shgoss

CoffeeAddict: Exactly...I would think a man would want a woman who wanted to be with him and not just because of his bank account.
YJauthor: Right...show him respect...but the man definately has to act like a King...mean treat his woman like a queen to get royalty treatment. P.S. - I'm a little more open on the age thing...but that's another blog topic :)


bella
For everyones physical health and self esteem I hope this is the beginning of a very positive movement. Yea for the Spanish!

nicole007
I agree--it's gross and embarrassing the way our society is obsessed with every aspect of a celebs life--including their children.

But, since you brought it up--(while she's darling) anyone else think 4mnth old Suri Cruise looks about 2 years old?

JaneyL2
I know! She does look old, but not only that, she's looking into the camera in every photo except the one where she's eating Tom's nose. And she looks frightening. Like she'll dominate the world one day. And you know she will. Her and Maddox.

NYNatalie

Have you guys every seen the paparazzi hounding someone? It's terrifying! I saw them surround Sarah Jessica Parker a couple months ago--she was with her kid. He must have been so scared! It's just not right... even though I'm completely guilty of reading those celeb mags too.


ClothesMinded

I don't know girls--those older men seem to feel pretty entitled. I'll stick with the guys closer to my own age who aren't jaded yet!


sarabel

Are you kidding me? These people feed off of our attention for their obscene salaries and then they expect to hide an aspect of their lives from us? They are public figures. There are plenty of people who don't make their kids a center piece. If you sell a picture of your kid for millions of dollars what do you expect? That people will suddenly lose interest. Not buying the pity act over here.


CoffeeAddict

When is the US going to put this into motion? I was just watching coverage of fashion week online last night, and the skinny, rib-showing abs of the models just aren't sexy... and aren't healthy! Go Spain!!!


Gabby06

Yes it's all about the memories... but if you've lost that much stuff you're clearly pretty careless! You should treasure these things along with the stories. Think of all the people who lost everything in Katrina or fires who are left with nothing, by no fault of their own.


Gabby06

I know! Celebs knew what they were getting themselves into. And I get so sick of hearing them whine when they're pulling in $20 million a movie.


NYNatalie

Yes, that's true that celebs knew what they were getting into. But their kids didn't agree to any of this. The paparazzi should leave the kids alone.


slyman

I saw this on the news the other day. Apparently 30% of the models couldn't walk in Madrid. Of course they had everyone else saying they'd never do it and that these women are "born" this way. They don't have eating disorders. What a load of crap!


Gabby06

There are so few women in charge of Fortune 500 companies. I'd want to hear from a CEO of a major company like Ebay's Meg Whitman or Avon's Andrea Jung.


MissNewJersey

Jeannette Walls, author of The Glass Castle

Georgia Lee, writer/director of the hit indie flick Red Doors

JANE Editor-in-Chief, Brandon Holley

Deborah Fine, president of NBC Universal's iVillage properties.

I'll keep thinking...


ClothesMinded

I'd want to hear from Vera Wang or Kate Spade! Or Diane von Furstenburg... any of these amazing women who are not only running their own multimillion dollar corporations, but are also influencing and deciding what the next big thing that women where is! That's some serious power.


jessicamorgan
I would like to see you interview Gabrielle Giffords. She is currently running for a seat in congress in Arizona. She is a very young woman who has been dedicated to women's rights and helping the disadvantaged.

sarabel

Fly girl I hear you! I just went away for the labor day weekend and it was a pain to get there. Once I was there it was awesome, and before I had to pack I was so excited, but those 24 hours leading up to the flight weren't so fun. With all the restrictions on liquids I had my water bottle confiscated (and received several dirty looks from the security staff), but snuck through all my other cosmetics. I got on the flight and the absolute WORST smelling man ever sat next to me. I changed to another middle seat because I couldn't breath.

Now after this big rant I must also agree I'm turning into my Mother. When did this happen? I mean I love her and she's the most amazing person I know but I sound just like her!!! Help!!


CoffeeAddict

Did you see that India jumped on the band wagon and is banning too thin models from their runways, too! :)


CoffeeAddict

It's funny, my worst walk of shame moment didn't even involve getting any... just the illusion thereof.

I was staying at a guy friend's house--who actually was in love with me, but I didn't know it—and one night my quasi-boyfriend... aka the hot Brazilian soccer player... called me up and invited me over to his frat house (Frat boy—there was problem number one). So I asked my guy friend to give me a ride over (I SWEAR I didn’t know he liked me) and went over to snuggle up and watch Varsity Blues (that was problem number two, I mean come on… what’s up with Dawson and the whipped cream bikini girl). The movie was so boring that I fell asleep for awhile, and in the wee hours of the morning stumbled back to my guy friend’s house, who looked at me like I had just killed his puppy while telling him the truth about Santa when I walked through the door.

Things didn’t work out with bad-taste-in-movies frat boy, but I’m happy to say that things are still going strong with guy friend (now boyfriend). But I’ve never told him what really happened that night… just to keep him on his toes. ;)


MissShannon

The Walk of Shame doesn't get any worse than the night after a Halloween party at which you dressed up like a "sexy nurse." Sigh, enough said.


sarabel

Well my first thought is the new one didn't live up to the old one's standards... if you know what I mean (wink wink). In regards to your question about making the man give it up... no way! She should embrace her new experience. I do have my doubts that the transplant really happened. Definitely a good story. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'll definitely bring it up over cocktails with the girls.


sarabel

I once made the mistake of borrowing his scrubs and shirt to replace my black mini and black sparkly halter and then put my heels on with the whole outfit. Nothing screams walk of shame like clothes swallowing you whole they're so large and then a pair of cute heels... at the bagel shop. I keep asking myself why I didn't go shoeless!


JaneyL2
Ok. So. It was in college. And it was a Thursday night. I was out with my friends and we got a little bit drunk. Ok, more than a little. Apparently, since I turn into Scarlett O'Hara when I'm intoxicated, I had set up a dinner date with someone, pirouetted my way home, fallen onto a car and set off its alarm and CONVENIENTLY forgotten about the whole night.

I was slightly mortified when my "date" called to make sure my address was correct and I didn't know who he was. Needless to say it didn't work out.

Oh well.

MissShannon

This definitely sounds like some sort of urban legend. Is it really true?


Lesley456

I read this on Yahoo News today too! It's definitely true but I can understand how it sounds fake. What guy would give up his penis for any girl? That's crazy talk.


Lesley456

HILLARY CLINTON!!!!!!!


slyman

You know I'm not so much a walk of shame type girl, or at least not in the morning. I do mine at night. It's easier to return home with a little less shame at night and not have to deal with the knowing glances. I have done my fair share of walk of shames at night. They are always in my own clothes because if I borrowed I would be obligated to get a hold of him later.


slyman

I totally saw this today too! No way that a guy would allow a woman to make that call, at least not here. In the good old USA the guy would be making pornos once he's healed. I hear John Bobbit is quite the porn star now.


scrippsie
ok ok... i've had many walk of shames that i'm not proud of...one of the recent: i just moved to nyc and in to a doorman building. i went out on a thurs and got dressed up all cute for a night out...went home with a boy i'd been dating who lives in another doorman building. nothing like going home on a friday morning and walking past TWO doorman and countless numbers of randoms on the street on the way to work. and then, in my lobby, having to see my neighbors. my lobby is always empty... except for that day. gotta love those walk of shames....

CoffeeAddict

Wow... I never really thought about it but you make a REALLY convincing argument for never having children.

I say, borrow the little rugrats from your friends for the afternoon if you're ever feeling in a family way... then send 'em home coated in cotton candy and let their parents deal with their sugar-high crashes. All the fun of kids, none of the responsibilities or exhaustion. :)


sarabel

It makes sense to not want children so that you can spend time on your family and those you love. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids and no one should ever say there is. I'm not sure if I'll ever have them but I do love them in all shapes and sizes, except screaming. I do not like the screaming ones.

I'll admit I do find it odd when people don't find them cute. It's like not finding puppies cute. They're so little and clean and fresh to the world. Granted when they're screaming not so much but the little smiles and the things they do. Ohhh I love being an auntie. Okay I'm a sucker for kids but I'm not ready for my own yet. One of the best things about kids is that you get to give them back to their owners. Maybe kids aren't for me after all...


nicole007
oh-no, definitely don't date in the dorm--been there done that. Although if you must, make sure someone has a single!

nicole007
Women LOVE to be fought for--give it a try--but make sure she's worth it!

LILA
I am going to send this article to all my peers and might just bust it out if my boss continues to pound the work on me! I've always been slightly obsessive with the email checking, so I cannot wait to turn that email chime off. It's completely interfering with my being thorough and, therefore, not allowing me to feel confident about the work I produce. I am glad you guys are featuring this article. Great content. Keep up the good work.

CoffeeAddict

I LOVE this--it's so dead on! My first date ritual? Getting ready to the same "frat party" mix CD that I've been getting ready to since junior year of college. I dance my nerves away as I do my hair and makeup.


CoffeeAddict

I read this article yesterday, and I've already made a change. Despite being a "Coffee Addict," I'm limiting myself to only 2 Starbucks' a week and I'm making coffee at home every other day. I've already saved almost $10! (Those raspberry white chocolate mochas are pricey little devils... but so damn good.)


CoffeeAddict

I don't really understand why there has to be this whole secret selection process at all. Why can't anyone just join a sorority, like all the other clubs on campus? I understand that there's limited space in the sorority house, but couldn't making it into the house be the whole secret selection process (like making varsity) and that way everyone else is still in the club, they're just not one of the chosen few for the house!


NYNatalie

I am so impressed by female firefighters... I'm not sure I would have the guts to do what they do, both the running into burning buildings and the working with an almost all-male team. The latter must get disheartening.


NYNatalie

Does anyone know a good way to tell if meat is done cooking, beyond just cutting it in a million pieces to make sure nothing's raw (which is what I do now... makes for terrible presentation when I have dinner parties.) :)


NYNatalie

Oh my god: How could anyone take advantage of a child like this... or any human for that matter. How do these human traffickers and the men who essentially rape these children sleep at night?


Gabby06

I have never known ANY dorm relationships that worked out. It's just a recipe for disaster.


Gabby06

Does anyone know how they can calculate shipping costs when they sell stuff online? I always want to sell, but I want it to be worth my while after I pay all the packing/shipping costs (but I'm too lazy to go to the post office before I post to EBay). Catch-22.


Gabby06

Well that plan wouldn't work because then there would be like 400 girls trying to be in the cool sorority. How could anyone have any fun or make friends with that many people?


ClothesMinded

Is it a bad thing if you NEVER get jealous in your relationship? I always feel like there's nothing to worry about... and if there was, there wouldn't be a relationship any more anyways. Why stress?


Alliekat03

These are really great tips but, seriously, it's really hard to go one day- let alone many days- without buying a coffee! If you really can't stop yourself (like me) give yourself a coffee budget; load up a Starbucks card with X dollars every month and only let yourself spend what's on the card.


Alliekat03

I guess there's an exception to every rule! I met my boyfriend in the dorms our freshman year. He had a single, so that helped, and we didn't technically make things official until the end of the year. Definitely take things slow- I think that's what saved us. We've been together for almost four years now!


Alliekat03

I just tried making this and it's really good. The apples might sound random in the sandwich, but they add a really nice contrasting flavor with the bacon.


Alliekat03

I feel the same way. Jealousy is the sign of an unhealthy relationship. Why would you be with someone if you aren't sure they want to be with you more than anyone else?


Lola
I thought this was great because you can take away a little bit of advice from each person. But, I especially agree with Dr. Schwartz: if the relationship is serious, an important question like this should be addressed without beating around the bush. Though, like Giuliana says, it's not okay to bring it up at inappropriate times...like while he's changing the oil in the car.

Lola
Ha, this sounds like so many arguments I've had with past boyfriends! I guess I tend to attract this type of guy for some reason: the one that will storm out after a fight and then come back the next day on his knees. I've put up with it a few times, so this gave a really good perspective on how to deal with all the issues if it ever happens again. Hopefully I've ditched all the crazy men in my life for now, though.

Lola
I'm just a little bit stressed; I recently hit myself in the face while trying to put on sunglasses while simultaneously carrying books and unlocking my car. Being so on-edge could stem from my insistance on multitasking. Good to know.

Lola
ebay has a shipping calculator:
http://payments.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?EmitSellerShippingCalculator

hope that helps!


cannonbose -- Portsmouth

Though not really dating anymore as I'm married, my wife really likes it when I take a shower to get rid of the days grime. Despite working from home and sitting in the office all day.


Jessy -- Boston
I had to comment ,this article made me smile. I am years out of college but broke all these rules with my boyfriend who lives down the hall in my apartment building. ha! It is true that this situation can fast forward a relationship..but it sure is convienent ;)

page7 -- Los Angeles
My cable is out--will you PLEASE fill me in tomorrow.

sarabel -- Los Angeles

I love the article but can't relate. I went to an all women's college and I'm straight. Since then the apartment romance has come up. All I'm going to say is... the walk of shame is a lot shorter with a neighbor :)


sarabel -- Miami

Thanks for the advice Ian. I came across this very same dilemma recently. I called him. It worked out well in the short term. The long term had nothing to do with the call. I really only did it because I really liked him.


sarabel -- Miami

I used to do the starbucks card thing but kept going over. I finally started making my own at home. At first they didn't taste as good because I didn't use as much of the sweet stuff. Now I like mine better thn the coffee shop and they're healthier!


GemmyBean -- Cambridge
Oh my god it was SO good! But how can you NOT want Meredith and McDreamy to be together? They're perfect for each other.

I started crying last night when he finally told her he loved her. It was so romantic!!!!!!!!!!!

GemmyBean -- Cambridge
This article is so great! I dated a guy in my dorm, and it would have been so much better and easier if we didn't live in the same dorm. It was REALLY hard to keep the mystery going.

Sydney44 -- New York
Writers should also buy a "The Writer's Market" book each year, which lists pay scales, contact information and article types for every publication in the US.

slyman -- Santa Monica

It was good! I too want Mc Dreamy and Meredith together. I'm so happy it's back. I felt like last night was a builder episode for big drama to come. I can't wait for the rest of the season. I wish the show were like 2 hours longer!!!


nicole007
The first time I read this I thought cool, but was only experiencing anxiety ridden work dreams (which are just wrong)-- then last night I dreamt I was dating a certain celebrity and I had to come back to this article. Love dream interpretations!

nicole007
maybe we should all scream at once--think how loud it would be.

Sydney44 -- New York
This is so cool... can you guys do a tarot how-to too?

Sydney44 -- New York
One word kids: McGuilty! :)

lauren73 -- Chicago
Yeah and palm reading too! It would be fun to know how to do all this and then have a big psychic party with friends!

lauren73 -- Chicago
Poor Izzy! She's my favorite. i hope she stays in the surgery department. And i love that Christina is getting more human - she used to be sucha robot!

legs2006
My guy watches porn, he isn't secretive about it, i just let him know i am not into it. I feel like it's his perogative. I would rather him watch porn in the privacy of his apt than be out at the strip clubs or worse...cheating. besides he gets horny and I reep the benefits!!!

bella -- ojai
geat article--it's nice to get a broad pospective on a college and the city or town it's in, getting the whole picture. Let's face it going away to school is more than just academics.

bella -- ojai
i don't think this is too complicated...dump the bf... he should care enough about you to be cool with your best friend! Best friends are sacred territory.

rivergirl
I'm just wondering, would any guy actually tell his girlfriend/wife that they are fat? If they really were. I really doubt it, for obvious reasons. I will admit that the "do I look fat?" question is usually a ploy for attention like you said. But, it is very hard to believe a man, when they say, "no honey, you look great." I know women probably shouldn't even ask it, but It's only because we need reasurence from time to time. The media is constantly throwing images of the "ideal" body in our faces, and men drool all over it. So how are we supposed to feel attractive if we have extra pounds and a body which could use more exercise. I'm not trying to critizize your article, I really liked it. I'm just someone who is, I will admit insecure when it comes to this topic. I would like to see what other people have to say on the subject. I'm hoping I will understand better.

Thanks for any comments in advance.

Rivergirl

MissNewJersey -- Dayton

Thanks for blogging about this - that article on Forbes.com was so outrageous! http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html

These guys (except Chris) know better!


bella -- ojai
i couldn't agree more with MissNewJersey. Most men are not threatened by a career, goal oriented women.

lltndv -- Fremont

All my life, I have been telling people that I want to be President of the United States - some people laugh, others don't and support me. My husband talks about it like I am already elected and he is planning out his duties as the "First Dude". I think it is great that there are men who are not "threatened" and can realize that smart and brainy is beautiful!


Carita -- Altadena

I have never met a man who is threatened by a woman's career. In fact every guy I know has been incredibly supportive - if not turned on - by a woman's ambitions. I need to have more to talk about than daytime TV!


Carita -- Altadena

Remember in the first season when Derek and Meredith have breakfast in the kitchen with Izzie and George. That's what I want Meredith to have again. Enough with this drama, let the woman have breakfast.


nann

I wish I would I would of read this before I became close to my co-worker. We hung out with each others family, our kids, friends, etc. I even introduced her to my neighbor at the time. They hit it off and I wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore because she got jealous. That created so much tension but we/I did get through it by accepting how she was. Then, I was promoted and it got even worse. I'm not sure if it's just women in general that don't know how to appreciate friendship or if it is because we were just work associates and I mistook it for more. All I know is that I would never trust or try to get close to any co-worker ever again. It's just not worth it when it goes wrong and work begins to affect your off time.


shmishek -- San Diego

You know sometimes you just need to take a walk, and on a friday grab a drink to appreciate whats outside of the office, but being young and working hard is normal and it will pay off in the end


cannonbose -- Portsmouth

yes


cannonbose -- Portsmouth

support ticket to mediatech submitted


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
The selection process isn't just for the sake of being exclusive. Gabby's right- if anyone could join then everyone would go for the "cool" house. Rush allows girls and houses to get to know one another, and narrow their choices down based on where they fit in.

lorena

I am so used to being swamped that it seems normal to me. I can't even imagine that last time I felt like I had nothing to do.


Sydney44 -- New York
Cheese? Seriously? That just feels to me like the least sexy food. Remember Sex and the City when Harry and Charlotte go out for the romantic dinner and get food poisoning from the cheese cart? "The F'in for formage... It was the F'in formage!!!!"

Talk2MsV
Having a vagina does not mean you're core purpose in life is to birth children. IMO, it's admirable to see people who KNOW what they want and are confident enough to verbalize it. However, your reasons come off to show that deep down you have a very negative perspective of what it means to have children. I wonder why the negativity. We all have preferences, selfish preferences even. And when we have a preferences that is not derived from something deeper - we tend not to feel the need to justify our preferences or convince others that our preferences are the 'right thing' for us.

elsie -- Virginia

AllieKiley
OMG!!! I love Degrassi. I have seen every episode. I'm such a dork. My super cool roomie and I tivoed the 'every episode ever' marathon~ all 100 episodes in order! Its so addictive and entertaining. Who's your favorite character? Mine is Emma.

Alliekat03 -- los angeles

You could buy a meat thermometer. They aren't too expensive, and all you have to do is poke it into the meat, which is much easier and makes for better presentation.


tnsweetpea -- Clarksville
I am currently in a relationship with a heavily attractive man, and have been for more than a year. But for some reason have wondered what it would be like to be with a woman and don't know why. I got into this relationship while going through divorce. I also have thought of being with a man and a woman. Whats going on with me?

tnsweetpea -- Clarksville
I am wondering if you or someone who reads this can help me. I am in a relationship with a great looking, very attactive man. I started seeing him while I was going through my divorce. I have had thoughts of being with a woman, and being involved in a threesome, with either two men, or a man and a woman. Whats going on? Should I follow through with my thoughts to experiment, or just keep it to myself and don't think anymore about it? Yes, I can relate to the article above, I have wondered alot about what it would feel like, and if it would make me feel good.

hippiemama
This is a wonderfully written interview with a smart and savvy subject. If I had a kid going into college soon, I would definitely encourange her to apply to CSULB. And Allie's a doll! Great job, Ms. Firestone! Cheers, Hippie Mama Bree

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Ms. Firestone really does a good job with this interview. I look forward to more articles by her!
Proud Mama!

Deerwoman
This is not really a story but a comment/bit of information relating to breast cancer. I am inspired, however, by a woman I know who underwent a mastectomy on Monday, went home on Tuesday, and was out hiking on Wednesday (with a drain taped to her chest!). She was 65 years old at the time. She's now in her early 70s and still hiking!
Anyway, here's the info: you can help raise money for breast cancer research when you donate your used iPod, cell phone, printer cartridge, etc. and the recycler will pick up the postage it costs you to send it to them. Please go to: www.recycleforbreastcancer.org for all the info. I was directed to this site by someone who read my environmental protection column on ways to donate/recycle computers, peripherals, and CDs. (www.charityguide.org/ volunteer/ fewhours/ obsolete-technology.htm)

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I totally agree. I think it's sometimes hard for our parents to understand, or be patient with, today's more nontraditional career paths. I feel lucky that I don't just have to dive into a boring job and wait around to get promoted. It's exciting to have a little more freedom to explore and try out different things. If only we didn't have money to worry about...

Raph -- Coralville
I was in Israel, and I went out with someone that my voice teacher's girlfriend's daughter's brother knew (which in and of itself is a bad sign). He took me to the bar where the pool league was based, and proceeded to tell me about his beliefs on reincarnation and the information about his past eight lives. If I remember correctly, in one of those lives he was a Nazi. Luckily, I had gotten really carsick on the way, and really did have a stomach ache, although he would have been enough to churn my stomach on his own!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I just graduated in June, and I've seen a lot of my friends that are in relationships start to move in together. I feel like a lot of poeple just sort of do it because they feel like it's the next logical step to take, but after a few months go by they're really unhappy. If you're ready, by all means, move in together, but just make sure you think seriously about it first.

writinggal
Well said, Carita. My "first real job" was in sales, selling something nobody wanted. That's no way to live! -Elsa

BeautifulInsideandOut
I love it, it is actually very good advice for idiot ex-husbands too!

sarabel -- Miami

Is this the new question of our generation? I know that all of my friends have differing opinions on it. Most will say that they will definitely live with someone before marriage, but then others who say no way. I've switched camps in the last few years.

I made the mistake of moving in with my boyfriend right out of college. He asked, I was in love, what could go wrong? Yeah too much to write in one little section. That's a novel! Anyways back to my point (it's coming I swear). After having the unfortunate experience of living with the boy and having it end in a fiery crash of tears and broken heart(s) I won't do it again. I will stay at a boy's place every single night and keep a drawer but I will not give up my place until the ring is on the finger. A good number of my friends are of the opposite opinion and will not marry someone until they have lived with them. It seems to be a personal choice. I don't think either one is right or wrong. It's what works for you.


LILA -- Los Angeles
I've been living with my partner for almost 8 years. We do not want to get married (at least that's how we feel right now) and love cohabitation--that's what we're most comfortable with. I respect people's decisions on the subject, but, personally, I do not see how anyone can get married without living with someone for a certain amount of time. Sure you can feel like love conquers all at the time, but reality is is that there are some things you find out in living with someone that you will never know until you live with them--cleanliness, guest policy, annoying family members that love to hang out too much or overall consideration. One thing I would stress, however, is that if you want to get married and you're feeling like you're compromising too much in agreeing to live with someone for an indefinite amount of time, don't agree to living with him/her. Get engaged, se t a definitive amount of time to live together as a "test" period, and then decide on proceeding with marriage.

LILA -- Los Angeles
I love this show. It is so raw in its content and, as a result, does not patronize its target audience (teens). One thing I do think about, however, is why I love watching a show that caters to teens when I'm 27. Do I feel like I've missed out on something during my teen years or do I really believe the rationale that I give to my bf (when he makes fun of me) that I like to see what is being fed to the younger generation?

TheNew"Dr.J" -- Atlanta
Thank you ladies for your responses to this question. Each of you has a very good point and it is really up to the individual to make this decision. I will post questions of this nature from time to time to get feedback. I am in the process of launching a magazine and questions like these believe it or not will help someone make a decision. I will have a section in the magazine that focuses on things of this nature. So be on the look out. Thanks again and I look forward to the next discussion.

Alliekat03 -- los angeles

Haha. I know! I also sort of hesitate before explaining to people that the show I'm watching is about high school kids in Canada. Maybe it's because when I was that age, there weren't any shows that really addressed the issues they tackle. Why does high school drama remain appealing far after we've graduated?


nicole007 -- San Diego
I LOVE everything you said. I don't know one friend girl or guy who hasn't felt the same way (pined over an ex) --I sure have (and now I ask myself what, how, why)? Sometimes it hasn't even been the fact that they were SO great, but more about an ego thing of "hey, why didn't he want to be with me?" but what your friend said is true... Exes are exes for a reason. And it's typical to focus on them once they're gone, but it's best to focus on ourselves and believe whole-heartedly that someone else is out there who will honor and adore us unconditionally. In the words of Janis Joplin "Don't compromise yourself--you're all you've got" and in the words of one of my friends... "never settle for crumbs of love." Ladies, let's always remember these words!

nicole007 -- San Diego
The Savvy Miss Dating Team talked about this one way back...it was funny how most (including the authors of The Rules) said something to the effect of "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free"--I personally squirm at the mention of this cliche--but they all made good points...check out.
http://www.savvymiss.com/dating-miss/
dating-team/dating-team-archive/article/
topic-hi-room[..]

nicole007 -- San Diego
Unfortunately I HAVE met men threatened by a woman's career (even though they pretend they aren't). For some men I've noticed ambitious, career involved women to be an initial attraction--(she's so cool she has her own life and goals and doesn't need me--ie. "the chase"), but after awhile--some see it as a threat because many men (who have confided in me) say that deep down they want to be needed. That's right. Not just wanted, but NEEDED. I'm not a psychologist but I gather it's either some hunter-gatherer evolutionary dealie or an insecurity thing. But bottom line, unfortunately they're are out there (usually disguising themselves) Ambitious ladies, beware!

SLaRue

My name is Stefanie LaRue. I am 31 years of age and have recently been diagnosed with Stage 4 Advanced/Metastatic Breast Cancer. My family and I are still reeling from the shock of all this, as you can imagine, particularly because I was assured several times by my doctors that I was too young to have breast cancer. I am writing this letter not only to share my story with you, but also in the hope that I might be able to help change the way the medical profession, insurance companies and people in general view breast cancer. It is one of my many goals to change the medical mark up and protocol for young women, allowing for possible early diagnosis and treatment.

People generally think that breast cancer is a disease that affects only mom or grandma. Not so. Aggressive and life threatening breast cancers are infecting the younger generations, myself among them. For these reasons, we have a much lower survival rate. A Stage 4 Metastatic (life threatening) diagnosis means cancer cells have spread to the body’s bloodstream. From there they can attach, host, and attack any part of the body at any time. Who is really educated on this subject? More importantly, who is paying attention? Sadly, not many. This misguided view of breast cancer drastically affected my battle with the disease, and I am not the first to be overlooked in such a manner. That is why I feel compelled to do my part to help deliver the message about breast cancer misdiagnosis in younger women. In my case, one month earlier diagnosis could have made a difference.

On Saturday evening, October 15, 2005, a gentleman I was dating at the time found a lump in my right breast. He immediately brought it to my attention and expressed his concern that I see a doctor right away. I have to admit I was surprised not just by his discovery, but by the fact that I had not discovered it before. For the rest of the weekend I couldn’t forget about the lump. I found myself constantly rubbing, mashing, and massaging my breast. I started to worry about the possibilities of what it could be.

On Monday I called the doctor’s office that was listed on my insurance card. Because I was a new patient (no records of prior illness because of good health) they couldn’t get me in right away, so my appointment was set five days later on Friday, October 21st. After my doctor examined me he had a look of uncertainty that I found unsettling. He actually asked if I had been bitten on my breast. After somewhat amazedly confirming that he was referring to a sexual bite, I answered him with a quick NO. He then explained that some women get what is called Mastitis, which typically occurs in breast-feeding mothers. He said that while rare, some “non-mothers” do get Mastitis. I asked him about the possibility of this being breast cancer. He said I was too young and healthy looking and added that breast cancer is generally not painful or sensitive to the touch like what I was experiencing. He also stated that my mass did not fit the profile as it was not a defined lump. Naturally I agreed because I was taking good care of myself, eating healthfully, and working out. Still uncertain about my condition he prescribed an antibiotic and Vicodin for the pain, telling me to call him in a week if I didn’t feel better.

A week later I didn’t feel any better. I was running a low-grade fever every day at work and having hot flashes (didn’t know what those were at the time but certainly do now!) I was having EXTREME pain in my right breast and surrounding area, and was starting to notice my nipple retracting. That was unsettling. I had to show this to my doctor. Upon my return, he examined me again still believing what I had was Mastitis. I told him that it was strange but in those 10 days I was certain the lump had grown. He didn’t seem to agree after examining it once more but recommended I see this cancer surgeon who had operated on his father. He told me that he trusted this man with his father’s life when he had cancer and was certain that I would be in good hands. He then emailed the cancer surgeon explaining my situation and that I should see him right away. This began my nightmare.

By the time I got in to see the surgeon my symptoms had worsened. I asked my mom to drive in from out of town to attend this appointment with me, as I had faced the prior ones alone. I could tell she too was really starting to worry about the lump, regardless of the message that my primary care doctor was sending that I was too young to have breast cancer. After measuring my lump at 4 centimeters, the surgeon said exactly the same thing and sent me home with more antibiotics and Vicodin. I ended up going home with three different rounds of antibiotics and no tests. I could feel this so called “infection” growing inside of me and continued to express my concern to my doctors. I felt like they were not listening to me, but because they didn’t seem to be worried I kept telling myself that it was nothing serious. So wrong.

After returning once more to see my surgeon with no improvement, he scheduled an ultra sound. A large, inflamed mass was identified. The head of radiology came into my room to double check the tech’s results. He then asked me to get dressed and to come into his office for discussion. My nerves were twisted. He showed me my x-rays and explained that though the mass was rather large, he felt strongly that it looked like a breast infection. Wrong again! This was doctor number three.

I finally had an incisional biopsy (that I felt I really had to push for), yet even in the recovery room I was told again by my surgeon that he doubted it was breast cancer. He believed it was just some kind of strange, rare, unusual breast infection. I was also told that the lab was probably going to take some time in getting back to me, because if he didn’t know what it was then the lab would probably not be able to identify it immediately either. Another incorrect assumption. Much to my surprise, two days later on my way to work I received a phone call from my doctor’s office asking me to stop by as the doctor wanted to see me. I phoned my mom excitedly believing that the results were already back and that it was indeed just what all of my doctors had thought… a breast infection. On Tuesday, November 22, 2005 while sitting alone I was told that I had a very aggressive kind of breast cancer. I went into shock! I immediately thought I was going to die. My cancer surgeon read from my pathology report these 20 letter words that I have never heard of nor could I comprehend. I knew that by the look in his eyes what he was reading to me was very serious. If I had known that I was to receive this kind of answer I would have not gone to this appointment alone, but I was not prepared by anyone for this possibility. My doctor asked me if there was anyone I needed to call. I said, “I needed him to call my mom at work and tell her what he had just told me because I knew that I could not bear to tell her that I had cancer”. Still in shock, I remained composed until I heard my mom’s voice. I could not hold back anymore and the tears started pouring. I told her to sit down and my doctor was going to tell her something. I could feel her heart pounding through the phone with mine. I felt her panic. He began to tell her of my diagnosis. She cried out in tears. Her heart was broken. That is when I began to feel numb. My mom hung up and my doctor asked if there was anyone else to call. After experiencing his cold bed-side manner, I decided that it was best for me to handle the call to the man I had been dating who would become my boyfriend. My mom said she would call my dad and the rest of the family in Texas before she left to drive my way. My surgeon walked me back to the front reception area and told his assistant that she needed to call and get me in “STAT” for a Bone Scan, CT/PET scan, chest X-Rays, Blood work and an MRI. Hearing my surgeon use the word “STAT” gave me the shakes. The reality of my situation flooded me with anxiety. I wanted to cry so badly but felt I couldn’t until I walked myself to my car and then it would be ok to let go. That’s exactly what I did.

Sitting in my car in the parking garage, I called my boyfriend and asked him to please meet me at my apartment ASAP. He knew. He could hear it in my voice. I tried to stay strong because I knew I had to somehow drive myself home in one piece after hearing this life threatening diagnosis. Driving back to my apartment alone was extremely challenging. My vision was blurred by the tears that constantly filled my eyes. Once I arrived, I fell on my couch and completely fell apart. I sat there in the dark and cried with amazement that something like this could happen to me. The more I thought about what I was told, the harder I cried. My stomach was turned inside out. Twenty minutes later my boyfriend walked in, took one look at me, began crying, and held me. He held me for what seemed like eternity. He didn’t want to let go. I told him of my diagnosis and that I would completely understand if he needed to leave. Leave ME that is. I gave him that option because I knew this was something he did not sign up for (of course nor did I). This was my battle to fight and I already knew that it would be a heartbreaking one to witness. Completely devoted, HE STAYED!

Upon my mom’s arrival at my apartment she walked in and hugged my so tightly as to never let go again. She cried out in sorrow, “Not my angel baby, please not her, take me instead, please take me instead, this is not how it’s supposed to happen”. I have never seen my mom cry as she did that day. My dad and grandma flew in from Texas that night sharing the same emotions and shedding the same tears.

Less than 48 hours away was Thanksgiving Day. I told my boyfriend (who informed my friends) as well as my family that I did not want ANY cancer discussion. I wanted the day to be festive and fun, not depressing with sadness and tears. And it was as I wished.

Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, I had my first CT/PET scan. The following Monday I was scheduled for a bone scan. Tuesday I had extensive blood work and an appointment with the gynecologist due to irregular bleeding. The first thought was my cancer had spread to my ovaries. A vaginal ultrasound proved negative for cancer. Thank goodness! Wednesday I had a 2 hour MRI. It was also a day of results from my oncologist. Sitting in my oncologist office with my boyfriend, family, and best friend present, I was told there was a spinal lesion on my T12 vertebrae. If in fact this proved to be cancer I was given one year to live. My oncologist then scheduled a “STAT” (there’s that word again!) spinal bone biopsy for Friday. My nerves were on edge. I needed a second opinion ASAP!

After being referred to a highly credible breast cancer surgeon (by my boss’ wife who had a double mastectomy due to cancer) at a leading breast cancer center I was immediately scheduled for multidisciplinary consultations. After three frustrating days of trying to find out my spinal bone biopsy results from my first oncologist, the current nurse practitioner said that she would call over and get the results for me. She did just that! Unfortunately, she had to be the bearer of bad news. I was upgraded to Stage 4 with bone mets. The cancer had spread beyond my breast into my lymph nodes and spine. The visions that invaded my mind were so horrific! Again, I felt sick to my stomach. Now I am really going to die. I thought about getting my affairs in order and writing a will. Then I said to myself, “wait a minute, I am only thirty years old! This can’t be happening”. Sadly, it was. It seemed bad news was never-ending that day.

Within three weeks I started chemotherapy. By that time my lump measured over 8 centimeters. My tumors were a constant reminder of the cancer that had invaded my body. For that reason, I welcomed the chemo. Prior to starting chemo, I had a direct line portocath inserted into my left arm. Chemo treatments consisted of six hour infusions, three weeks apart, for six months. First week post treatment I developed a neutropenic fever. I was rushed to the emergency room where I spent 10 hours experiencing hallucinations, 104 fever, with excruciating body and bone pain. My white blood cells had dropped to 0.0! I had NO protection to fight any germs, yet, I was in the ER for 10 hours with nothing but sick people. The ER doctors said they had never seen anyone’s white blood cells “bottom out” to 0 the way mine did and especially how fast they dropped. I was admitted to a high level quarantined room for the next three days over Christmas. Only my mom and boyfriend could stay with me. Due to my white blood cell count bottoming out, it was ordered that everything and everyone who was allowed in my room was sterile. Being quarantined for seven days following future infusions was now mandatory. Hydration treatments were also added to my regimen.

Some of the intolerable side effects of chemo included nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, severe diarrhea, and body cramps. Loss of memory from “chemo brain” was the most frustrating and embarrassing side effect. By this time, I had dropped 20 pounds. I couldn’t taste anything for the thick coating of toxins on my tongue. I developed hemorrhoids from the severe constipation due to the Vicodin. As an added bonus, the chemo kicked my body into early menopause. With this came (and are still present) blazing hot flashes, drenching night sweats, and grave insomnia. I was told that I could never have children because the presence of estrogen in my body would feed my cancer. I was emotionally devastated. I wondered how people could live through this. I now know first hand it is truly mind over matter.

I spent my 31st birthday this past February participating at the Young Survivor Coalition (YSC) conference in Denver. There I found many other women close to my age living with breast cancer but very few with Stage 4. I was relieved in a sense because I felt so lost and alone after my diagnosis. The YSC is specifically geared toward and focused on women who are diagnosed at 40 years of age or younger. This is the only organization that exists for women like me. I had just finished my third round of chemo and of course was still bald at the time. I was relieved to be among many, many other young faces and bald heads.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to attend the National Breast Cancer Coalition Conference (NBCC) in Washington DC. There I learned of the NBCC’s Agenda, exactly what it stood for, and what it meant for me. While on Capitol Hill, I met with numerous Congressmen and women sharing my story and lobbying to pass the National Breast Cancer and Environmental Research Act (HR 2231) which is top priority on the NBCC’s Agenda. By choosing to go bald (without my wig) it is my belief I made a strong impact on Congress members as well as my fellow cancer sisters. I was one of the youngest of 600 women attending this conference. There are now 234 members in the House and 64 Senators signed on to this bill. My efforts paid off. My face was remembered. My voice was heard.

For me, a price was paid. While in Washington my legs, ankles and feet began to swell. At times, I found it very difficult to walk. Upon my return home to Los Angeles, I was wheel chaired from plane to plane because of connecting flights. By the time I landed back in LAX, my feet no longer looked like my own. The change in altitude had taken its toll. The damage was done. I suffered from a serious form of Edema. I was immediately put on bed rest and given a prescription of sexy compression tights of which I still have to wear today. Now after surviving two surgeries, the removal of a tumor over 4 centimeters, and 20 lymph nodes, I am now classified as NED: No Evidence of Disease.

In closing, it is critical I share my experiences and knowledge with as many other daughters, sisters and girlfriends, whose lives have been sent into turmoil by a breast cancer diagnosis. Cancer knows no color, age, or sex. It has no boundaries. This happened to me, and it can happen to anyone. It has changed my life forever. I want to help deliver the message, young women CAN and DO get breast cancer! Statistically, cases in younger women are on the rise, a fact that contradicts the established notion that women under 40, rarely, if ever, get this disease. Breast Cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women ages 15–54. I have been told by my doctors it is not a question of if the cancer reoccurs, it is a question of how, when, and where. My passion is to be a spokeswoman for other young women living with Breast Cancer. It is imperative we be our own advocates in this battle and make our own choices. While lecturing at hospitals, high schools and universities I want to be a voice that is heard and a face that is not forgotten. I want to give hope to young women and insight to the uneducated. I am a cancer warrior with the power of pink on my side!

Please help me save my life and the lives of others. Help me to prevent another young woman from being misdiagnosed. Join me in my efforts to be a vehicle that creates an awareness and a better understanding for this unnecessary loss of life. Together we can make a difference.

Thank you for your compassion and consideration.

Sincerely,
Stefanie LaRue

Stefanie LaRue
Currently 31 years of age
DX 11/22/05 at age 30
Stage 4 Advanced/Metastatic
Her2 negative
ER positive
PR negative
8+ cm primary tumor
Neoadjuvant chemo: TAC (Taxotere, Adriomysin, Cytoxin)
2 right lumpectomies
20 lymph nodes removed, 4 positive
7 weeks radiation
Reconstruction


claudia
Get into yourself. Don't worry about a relationship for now.

Lesley456 -- Los Angeles

Oh I love it! I can't wait to make some cute little Happy Halloween ones for my party later this month. :)


mortonium -- Los Angeles
I agree. The rules of the game have definitely changed. No one can expect their first job to be the end-all-and-be-all now. Corporate security is out. Layoffs are a rite of passage. Loyalty - and the rewards for it - are dead. So what does this mean? Forging your own path has never been harder - or more worthwhile. After all, we're the generation tasked with not only finding a good job...but one that contributes to our happiness.

iphyb -- Los Angeles
Stephanie, your story is so inspiring. I applaud your courage and strength, and I pray you will live a long, long life!
-Katy

foolforever?
I never tell. If you want a relationship w/someone, who cares what they did, it's what they do now. I've never asked a man that question.

joann401
my relationship is the same as this. it was love at first sight,been together now for nine months and loving it. im already moved in with this guy, and hes wonderful.there is someone for everyone love joann.

fionak4
If he asks, he isn't for you :)

Ladymaggic
That information is PRIVATE with capital letters.
Disclosing details even in an intimate situation, can lead to disasters later in life.
Keep it private...especially if you even think you may be famous one day..

gigi -- Grahamstown

Amen sister! Like many other ladies, im in exactly the same boat as you. Who needs men anyways? We can have way more fun when we are single...


Belinda
Of course not, this lady had to be a little bokers or she didn't like sex anyway and that was here excuse. The man must have truly loved his wife to have it removed, if i was a man and that happened, i don't think I could have had it removed once i had the chance for a normal life again. fom ms.lonesome56

Belinda -- Union
This was a great idea i never thought of using sex toys with my toys, but that diffenently is and sounds like a GREAT idea. Thanks Dr. Joy

Belinda -- Union
Sorry ladies i didn't recheck my comments post before i submitted it so here it is again. I never thought of using sex toys with my boyfriend or significate other, but I think it is a great idea, one i will try. Thanks Dr.Joy

Alliekat03 -- los angeles

I really believe that you find him when you're not looking for him. It's hard to do, but if we would stop worrying about finding THE guy, and focus on ourselves instead, we'd find ourselves much happier, successful and enjoyable to be around. The more time you spend single, getting to know yourself, your desires, goals, etc., the more your confidence and uniqueness will attract people to you.


kittypunch
I asked the question, and I don't mind getting asked the question, in the spirit of openness and intimacy. Nothing can't be used against you if you're not ashamed of it. And I wonder how many women (or men) these men have slept with? I suspect a double-standard is at work...

nicole007 -- San Diego
I LOVE this article!!! I've always wondered what the men I've dated remember about me---if they think of me at all--I sure HOPE it's endearing things like these!!! PS are any of these men single?

nicole007 -- San Diego
I WISH I had some fantastic first kiss story but unfortunatetly it's pretty tacky--it was with my 6th grade boyfriend--anyone remember the days of spin the bottle? Do kids these days still play that? Do adults? Well, it was tacky, but memorable to say the least!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I love this story! It also makes me wish I had a great first kiss memory, but my first few were pretty unmemorable. For me, most important "firsts" turned out pretty awkwardly (but improved with practice!). What about everyone else? Was your first kiss this significant?

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
The only quirky things I can think of about people I've dated make them sound like weirdos as I start typing them. Does anyone else have endearing habits of exes or current boyfriend/girlfriends?

nicole007 -- San Diego
Yes, it is--but you have to have a plan and a lot of PATIENCE. First tell him how you feel, that you like him and want more. Worst thing he can do is run. If he runs, don't run after him instead turn and walk the other way. Once it's on the table that you like him he'll start thinking about it--maybe he didn't know you liked him, maybe he thought you just wanted sex. And I promise, sometimes being vulnerable is the most empowering feeling. To be able to say "hey, I like you," takes courage and he'll recognize and respect that. Second, if he's "just not that into you" (by the way, i hate that book) he probably won't call for awhile--maybe even months. But eventually, he will contact you in some way or form because remember you were each others booty calls and men like sex and think about sex and clearly you guys had good sex since you'd been seeing each other for months. So my point is eventually he'll contact you--maybe because he likes you, or maybe because he wants to get laid, but he will contact you. At that point, you may already be way over him and dating Mr. McDreamy or someone--if so, great! If not though and you're still pining over him, here's your chance to start over and make him work for you--Dinner at the Four Seasons anyone?

slyman -- Santa Monica

What great advice! I love #6! I've had so many friends who don't listen to this one. Guys and girls! My guy friends are baffled when their booty call wants a relationship and my girl friends are upset when their boot call doesn't fall for them. Thanks for the tips!


bella -- ojai
I think it's possible to go from "booty call to girl friend" remember you also said there is a friendship in place. Maybe he wants to take it further too! Speak up! At least then you'll know where you stand. It could develope into a full on relationship just through time together..start with taking a risk and be intimate with him--I am not talking sex here girl. I mean the really scary intimacy..how you feel, what you are afraid of, your inner feelings. Be authentic, be real, be you. That stuff with the right guy is powerful... and if he's not the right guy you can clear the field to have space for someone more worthy.

bella -- ojai
it's better to be in the now. the answer to that question would be more than i'd want to hear.

sarabel -- Miami

Okay we're a good way into this season and I have mixed feelings on everything that's going on. I feel like it's been a bit of a slow start. The whole Meredith love triangle was just kind of a let down. There were no dates, no exciting drama between the 3 of them. Now they have McSteamy back and I'm hoping for some good drama to come. I do love the new lead in show, Ugly Betty, so good! Anyone else seen this?


Alliekat03 -- Los Angeles

Julia and Julie (Julie Powell's book) is awesome, and I recommend it to everyone. Her writing is hilarious, and if you're into food/cooking you'll absolutely love it. It's a really quick read, too (I finished it in a week!).


fabbott -- lumberton
From personal experience when you put yourself in the "booty call" relationship it is hard to turn back, but my best advise would be to back off for a while and just leave him hanging let him know you are available to others and looking, possibly try involving yourself with other guys to occupy you “free time” and absolute do not continue to give up the booty during this period, if this doesn’t make he want to be in a more defined relationship with you I don’t think anything will!
FA

Deerwoman
I have a lot of experience with this topic: at 22 I was dating a man 50: did so for more than a year and it was marvelous in bed and out. But then I married someone close to my age, but divorced and remarried someone 27 years my senior, my current relationship. We're both professionals, he's retired and I'm not, and we have a lot in common despite the age difference: politics, spirituality, environmental concerns, music, writing. We've made some adjustments sexually, but I'm completely satisfied!

Solie -- Boston

This article is perfect. I'm going to make the call!


Solie -- Boston

Being unavailable is the hardest but definitely the best advice. Thanks for the great tips!


shgoss -- Shreveport

The friends with benefits syndrome is what it is. Don't expect more or you will be disappointed.

He's already gotten the prize, so whatelse does he have to strive for? He's "hitting" it and doesn't have to pay for dinner, movie, or offer any type of committment. In his eyes, he has it good.

What can you do to make him feel that he's missing out by not spending extra time with you?
I don't think that you can. I think he has to want to spend more time with you outside of the bedroom. You can try, but unless he's already feeling you "outside" of the bedroom, it may only push him away.

If you want more, don't continue to settle for less. There may be a time where you have to be upfront with him and be blunt and tell him you want more. If he retreats, then you know it's time for you to definately cut the rope and move on.

My advice-cut your losses now and move on. Allow yourself to meet someone who can appreciate ALL of you and not just a "piece" of you.


shgoss -- Shreveport

I think maturity is a state of mind, but a huge age difference brings on its own set of issues. Both parties must ask themselves, why are they in the relationship in the first place. Is it to prove a point? Is it to prove you can attract a younger man or older man? If it is to prove a point, then rethink why you're set on dating someone younger. Hopefully, it's natural where you meet someone and happen to find out that he is younger or slightly older.


Kandyapple -- Joaquin

Yes it is possible if he is the right guy. But if he is not than u can't change them.
Here is my story. I ran into this experience myself except for the fact that I knew what it was between us cause I asked him what he wanted and it was just friends. I told him that was fine for the time bein but when I found someone that wanted more he would have to go. Well I guess he didn't think I was serious and when the time came I told him I couldn't see him anymore. He said alright. Well 2 weeks later he was callin me tellin me we needed to talk. So I did and he told me that he wanted to try and make a relationship out of this that I needed to leave the other guy. All he could do was think about me all of the time and he needed me. So I told him ok and we proceeded with it and we have been together for a little over 2 years and we have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. So the moral is it all depends on the guy. But things need to be said out in the open and everyone needs to know of what the situation and the status of the relationship is.


colleen
I am a self employed woman, working at home in the wholistic health industry...All the things stated are true. You must stay disciplined, and enjoy the fruits of being self employed, like eating well, going to the gym/yoga~ going on nice 3 day weekends, and living the life that many people desire, as your time becomes your own to a decree. Making the best of the best kind of situation is all we can do!!

keeley

What the “F”?
FWB; Friends (or Foes) with Benefits
By Keeley Smith
Relationship & Online Dating Expert and Advice Columnist

I hear from my good friends and readers from around the world alike, who are currently engaging in FWB (friends with benefits) relationships; many of them with multiple partners. OMG! If dating, in the typical sense of the term, was not hard enough? Why do these people insist on torturing themselves?

In case you are not familiar with what a FWB relationship is, allow me to break it down for you. There are generally two types of FWB scenarios; LTFWB (Long Time FWB) and JMFWB (Just Met FWB)

The LTFWB relationship is the one where the two people who are having sex have been friends for some time. They have always had this “thing”, this connection where they flirted and teased and finally one drunken night they made-out, went somewhere, took their clothes off and had sweaty, drunken sex. In most cases the sex was great, as there was so much hype before the bedding down went down, so the next morning they agree that they are going to remain friends and that the sex was a onetime thing. Then a bit later, in the near future, one calls the other and suggests having a few cocktails, one thing leads to another and some part of him finds it’s way into some part of her at some point during the night. Thusly, the start of a LTFWB relationship has commenced.

The second type, the JMFWB relationship, is as you guessed; a sexual alliance that is shared between two consenting adults who recently became acquainted and have agreed that they will not get serious or emotionally involved but will do their darndest to provide mind-blowing sex for one another.

Well, nine times out of ten, one, if not both of the people can’t deal with the limitations that a FWB relationship holds them to. In my experience, I’ve found that the man can’t handle the fact that the woman is having sex with other men and will want to try to increase his visibility in her life causing her to get pissed off and to do exactly the opposite and decrease the amount of time she shares with him. He’ll start to bitch and moan about not seeing her enough and she will eventually kick his ass to the curb. He will feel dejected and try to sleep with her friends and/or call her a slut in the places that they used to hang out.

The woman, I have discovered, tends to fall for the guy and begins to envision their future together. She will start to treat the man like a boyfriend, coddle him and eventually admit to her friends that she has fallen for him. The guy can sense it, one or two of her friends may have even told him, and though he does not want the emotional attachment from her, he will continue putting the wood to her for a while, which of course she sees as his growing closer to her; even though he is no longer interested in making her climax, it is now a hit and run situation in the bedroom. This will go on for some time, as he works on finding someone to replace her and she begins to fluff the pillow next to hers, planning on him being there more often. When he finds someone else to screw regularly, he will tell her “it just isn’t working out” and that they should remain “just friends” and her heart will be flattened like a kitten trying to cross the interstate during rush-hour. She will usually stay “friends” for a bit, offering him oral sex and opportunities to come over and “watch a movie” but eventually her gal-pals peel her away from him and life goes on.

Of course these are generalizations. Alas, life is one big one, generalization, that is. And when an anomaly manifests we (in general) will pull our heads out of the sand for a second to take a peek, just to return to the status quo. Hence, the cycle of unsuccessful relationships that everyone keeps perpetrating continues.

So, does the F in FWB really stand for friends or foes? My tireless quest to find the answers to life’s mysteries has led me to believe that the enjoyment of a FWB relationship is often directly proportionate to each member’s ability to compartmentalize their emotions. And so seldom is it that we meet someone who has exactly the same capacity for emotional compartmentalization that the idea of a FWB relationship seems ludicrous. Another actuality that has made itself obvious is that most folks never emotionally evolve past their high school years. So, by and large, no matter the age of the two willing participants, trying to pull off a sexual relationship without getting emotionally involved and consequently, having your heart handed to you on a platter, is impossible.

There is only so much I can do to help people mature psychologically; it is a journey that a person has to be ready, willing and able to embark on. So, what I can do to assist in there being less heartache in the world, is advise others not to engage in FWB type relationships unless they are certain that they want to invite into their lives the ramifications that come with one. Rejoice, whoop it up and revel with your friends, don’t have sex with them; save that for people you don’t like. Just kidding!!!

Peace and love.

XO
Keeley
Read more from Keeley at http://www.myspace.com/askkeeley





TheNew"Dr.J" -- Atlanta
From booty call to girlfriend huh...Well I can speak from personal experience that it can work; however, you need to be ready to expect the unexpected and have some patience. One thing you have to do is the one thing that you don't want to do, and that is bringing up the topic of you and him. Don't rush into it too fast but get a feel for how he feels about you (be ready for the unexpected). In my case I brought up the topic and he was like I just like the fact that we are what we are, and once that was said I gradually gave him the cold shoulder. I stopped answering calls late at night and made myself unavailable. I was testing him at first because I knew deep down he had feelings for me as well, but was too "macho" to say so. Once I moved on with my life it took him about 4 months to come around. Needless to say we are now engaged and prior to the engagement we dated for 4 years. It was almost like starting over because in the process of pleasuring ourselves we never discussed the necessities such as what we like to do in our spare time. Don't get me wrong we were friends, but just with benefits and no real connection. He realized he was not the only one who was interested in me and that someone else was trying to take his place and be more than just a booty call. It took him to see me out with the guy for him to understand that I was a good catch.

I said all of this to say don't set yourself up and don't be Boo-Boo the fool. You are going to have to ask that forbidden question one day or move on. The choice is yours. If the answer works in your favor...great but if not then move on and let him be someone else's headache...good sex often comes with heartache. Now the choice is yours booty call or someone else's girl.

Peace and Blessings

AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

Oh! I read this too it was SO good. I'm not much of a cook but Julie's mission was inspiring. I'm going to try this recipe this weekend.


AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

I met Lindsey in her NYC store. She is a genius with jewelry!


AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

I thought it was important to divulge your sexual history before becoming intimate with someone. I always think of it as protecting myself. Even if it's safe sex don't you need the info to protect yourself?


AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

Stefanie you are an inspiration. Your story made my cry. Thank you for all your hard work on capitol hill! You are so right that cancer does not discriminate on the grounds of age, sex, gender, sexuality, or ethnicity. We're all in this battle together. I wish you continued good health.


Billa -- Farooq Abad
hi

lily -- Los Angeles
I love all things pumpkin! Thanks for the recipe!

thecatsmeow
I think whoever did the asking should pay. I would never ask a guy to dinner and then expect him to pay. That would be like inviting someone to dinner and asking them to cook!

LILA -- Los Angeles
I agree with thecatsmeow comment. If you are asking someone out on a date, then you should pay for it. When I use to be single and someone asked me out, I still even offered to take care of the tip. It is a nice gesture when someone pays for a nice dinner or lunch.

Carolanne -- Los Angeles
I totally agree. I don't think that it's acceptable to write off chauvinistic and not to mention disgusting behavior as something "guys just do." We're not hindered by the same kind of sexist barriers as our mothers but not taking a stand against this kind of behavior is taking a step back.

Carita -- Altadena

There are so many reasons why these two should not have gotten married, but I'm really curious about how she "discovered" all this. Trust clearly wasn't one of their strong suits. Better off not getting hitched if you don't trust your guy to begin with -and on top of it all you're right about not trusting him.


SarahL -- Santa Monica
This is a great question, is it boys are being boys or is there something wrong with it? Is it okay to marginalize any group and demean them if they aren't around? It plays to our basic prejudices against others.

On the subject of is it okay for my guy to do this when I'm not around? I'm not okay with the idea that someone acts one way in front of you and another in front of their guy friends. To a certain extent yes but I can usually roll with the punches (to use a horrible cliche). The problem with this is that it goes over the line.

I have a friend whose now husband called off his bachelor party because his brother was hiring hookers for it. My friend's husband wouldn't do that in front of his wife so he certainly wouldn't do it behind her back!

It sounds like Hurt made the right decision even though it must have been a tough one!

jdemar2011
Great article Marisa....wish something like this had been around when I was in college...back in the dark ages!
Judy

AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

I laughed so hard at the telemarketer story! I've so been there during that time. You know I don't like to admit it but I do use my period as an excuse for many things. I totally use it as an excuse to not work out for a week when I really could be. The irritability factor can sometimes be blamed on the period (I'm not that cranky ALL the time!).


Aaliyah
This is a really interesting topic. I think many women have ignored derogatory comments the men in their life have made towards women.

AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

I laughed so hard at the telemarketer story! I've so been there during that time. You know I don't like to admit it but I do use my period as an excuse for many things. I totally use it as an excuse to not work out for a week when I really could be. The irritability factor can sometimes be blamed on the period (I'm not that cranky ALL the time!).


JaneyL2 -- Los Angeles
Know what really irritates me? When I'll be cranky or emotional and my boyfriend asks if I'm on my period. I mean, it's one thing for me to use it as an excuse for over eating, crying during soppy movies and being snappy towards others, but for him to use it against me? Unacceptable. :)

Lola -- Hollywood
I totally over-indulge in my favorite food--pasta--when I have my period. I always justify it like this: with some extra exercise, I can burn off all the calories the rest of the month. It's a vicious cycle, but it's also one that I'm not ready to give up!
:]

lily -- Los Angeles
It's so typical for my friends and I to act rudely and the blame it on our periods. This bothers me because I don't think that being on your period is an excuse to be rude. Yes, periods do make you feel uncomfortable and perhaps cranky, but it's not right to take it out on others and chock it up to "being on your period." I definitely want to try and keep my crankiness to myself next time of the month!

jessicamorgan -- San Diego
I am definitely one of those very lucky girls to have practically no period issues, I don't get cramps, I don't feel cranky and I don't crave junk food. But in watching my friends have to deal with all of it, I say go for it! As women we often forget to treat and pamper ourselves, so why not take a week and do just that. Indulge a little!

Olivia -- Tuscon

Oh my gosh I totally make use it as an excuse to be lazy and eat a lot. Instead of going to the gym I'll sit in from of the TV and eat chocolate, justifying it with my period. I should really break the habit, but who wants to do that?


Olivia -- Tuscon

Your friend was totally justified in her actions. Even if her guy didn't actually cheat, the fact that he thinks it's acceptable to say things like that shows a lack of character. It's a slippery sloap, and one that would surely be descended after years and years of marriage.


sarabel -- Miami

Oh wow are we really going to admit that this monthly annoyance doesn't stop us from doing any activities? I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that to myself. I have so been there eating an entire pizza, alone, and the only thing that I can think of to justify it is Lucy (my pet name for my period - short for Lucifer). This is a horrible example but you know how Jessica Simpson treated her husband on their reality show? (You know whiny and complaining all the time) I do like having a point in my cycle to just stop acting like a grown up and whine and complain and be the giant brat I am deep down inside! Lucy is my justification to my husband for these times. I'm not going to tell him it's not her fault!


page7 -- Los Angeles
The whole thing is vile but what really makes me want to throw up a little is the fact that men (or these men) purposely prey on women who are insecure. That says a lot to me. They obviously in no way care about empowering women if they take women who are already insecure and take advantage of them. I'm not a doctor, or psychologist, but doesn't this sound like emotional abuse?

page7 -- Los Angeles
Stephanie, your words are profound. Thank you for sharing your story. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I look forward to hearing the rest of your story after you conquer cancer. And you will. I reached for the tissues as I read your story and the comments of other Savvy Miss' and the fact that cancer is affecting so many of us saddens me beyond belief. But the sisterhood and support that's going on right here is so beautiful and touching and I'm honored to be a part of it. Thanks ladies.

page7 -- Los Angeles
I'm not a fan of "He's just not that into you," either. But then again I'm single and have been burned so maybe that's why. But who hasn't been burned? And I totally feel you--it sucks when these guys are totally into you one moment then they're just gone--no explanation or anything. I still believe I'll find someone, but after so many years of giving up so much to be with someone I haven't become bitter per se, but super picky and not as eager to give up my time. Because so many men have come and gone now I am way more focused on myself, my career and my friends. But I loved what you said about freedom...everytime I'm feeling lonely/blue/pathetically single--I remind myself that at least I can watch what I want, when I want and roll from one side of the other as I please!

page7 -- Los Angeles
You said it, Bella! Has anyone besides me said to someone "I want to do__" and then you're hit with the "oh, that's a really tough business, are you sure you want to do that?" OR, "hmmm, ya, good luck with that." And you just wish you never opened your mouth to begin with. Bottom line, every business is difficult to break into in some way or another but if you follow your passion and do those things you actually want to do, something you actually believe in--it will be that much easier to be a success at it. There is nothing worse than dreading going to work and nothing worse than getting home at night and feeling like you spent 8,9 even 10 hours doing something you could care less about. And come on let's admit it, most of us unfortunately do just that--

page7 -- Boston
Ladies, I love your thoughts but you all forgot the best excuse we can use when on our periods (or even when we're not)"Honey, we can't do it tonight, this time it's not because I'm tired...it's because it's that time of the month!" And that's an excuse I'm not ready to give up. "Aunt Flow" isn't so bad now is she? ---But seriously, I don't feel like my period inhibits me from doing anything else physically. Except I guess I do try to avoid vacations involving the ocean.---It's not so much because I fear that Jaws will get me if my tampon doesn't hold up, but more that that little string will stick out of my suit!

scrippsie -- ny
i'd like to think i don't use my period as an excuse...but i totally do...i will eat chocolate and say well it's just that time of the month it's ok. for one week i can indulge and say well i'm just bloated the jeans will fit better next week...should i do it? probably not. do i? yup!

scrippsie -- ny
hahaa, i just have to laugh b/c i've got to admit that i've done that before!

rumpshakernetwork
Guys should almost always pay for the first date. It's so much simpler that way. Besides, "going dutch" makes it feel like you don't like them to take on even the slightest amount of 'date debt', which is a pretty mean signal to send even if it's true.

SarahL -- Santa Monica
I'm cracking up right now! I'm surrounded by left over Halloween candy which is always dangerous. I do think we should indulge ourselves every once in a while because we do deserve it. We don't need any excuses for it. We've earned it!

MaggieJ
ha!

MaggieJ -- Chicago
At first I just found this blog amusing. But then I read it to my roommates (yes, there are 3 of us writing this) & decided to elaborate on my previous "ha"! First, we have to say to SarahL we're all jealous you live in Santa Monica. But about the blog, true that!!! Definitely hormones are rushing when on "the rag" (face breakouts are proof) but we 3 admit that we take advantage of it (both the week before and during). We do deserve to! But we all want to know what the deal is with women who live together or spend a lot of time together how we all end up having our periods in sync? One of my roommates is on our schools volleyball team and her coach swears a doctor did a study on it and it has to do with sweat. But we're not sure. However, we do know that now after a year of living together we all get our periods around the same time and her entire volleyball team gets it around the same time too. Talk about the ultimate bonding experience--anyone know anything about this? Anyone else heard about this?

MaggieJ -- Chicago
This blog scares my roommates and I. Where are the good guys!?!? We want to give a little shout out toHurt--congrats girl, you make us proud for standing up for yourself--and for all women because in leaving you said to him you need to be with a man that respects all women! Lila, we also like Carita want to know how she discovered the conversations--and forgive us (we're having wine night) but now we're into a great question which neeeeeds to be addressed. Oh no, 2 questions. 1.) Is it better not to discover these things about the man you love? 2.) Should we all be hiring investigators and checking in on his call logs, conversations and emails to find out what our men are really like? 3.) OOPS, we said 2, now there's 3: Lila, please let us know if Hurt ever had any reason to suspect John (or ass we now are calling him)? Usually there are some red flags we chose to ignore or else we miss cause we're wearing thick rose-colored glasses? We're curious, tell us more--and an update please!!!!

MaggieJ -- Chicago
Haven't we all? But the best way to "fake" sick is to do it for more than one day. As long as you don't come back to the office with a tan, if you're out more than one day they'll be convinced it's serious.

MaggieJ -- Chicago
My first kiss was with my best friend (best girl friend). Neither of us are or were lesbians, we just wanted to know what we were doing so when our first REAL kiss came along we'd be good. Still one of the best kisses of my life! HA!

MaggieJ -- Chicago
P.S. Billa---where the heck's Farooq Abad?

scrippsie -- ny
i met lindsay at bendel's in nyc one weekend while a friend was visiting. her jewelry was featured in the lobby and that's actually what pulled us in to the store. my friend and i thought it was such a great idea! we each got a necklace and i actually got two! i wear them all the time. they are perfect for work and for going out.

shai5ah -- kobar

I think that all this because of hormones--as they work to the emergence of very large changes in the psychology of women


shai5ah- Saudi Arabia


shai5ah -- kobar

Well Well ...

believe fully that what is written now is a reaction to certain positions and not a careful and thoughtful !!

May not be patient with the children for psychological reasons or for reasons other than normal؟!
But the body is designed women to give birth is not, in itself, but because it serves the functions of physical, psychological, social, family and moral many all women of the world
so, it is abnormal that Trfedi child or his childhood!
Children of all humans, not creature, as you say, all these charges aimed to develop psychologically and intellectually with the evolution of life around him, including by virtue of the parents are the cause of what was happening to him first and foremost?
When we look away from each child influences Why would you think people take all these child care and kindness and love and why people are keen to build a family of children and stay away as much as possible from all influences that might bother the development and growth of children and hinder future in all respects!


AllisonGrace -- Sacramento

Does allowing him to pay relinquish our control over the situation?


stephanybx
Well first and foremost, Thank You Hurt, for understanding your worth and knowing that your mate should be someone who reflects your beliefs and respects you. Men are always worried about their image and what the outside world would think if they didn't comply with the male "ego." As women we have to take a stand and make them realize that we are beautiful, intelligent and do not have time to cater to their need to be accepted by their peers who probably envy the fact that they have a good woman at home! Stay Strong...

shai5ah -- kobar

would like to see you interview Margaret Thatcher As a woman of politics ,It is the center of the Saudi elite and educated women, Dr. Suheila Zine El Abidine,


shai5ah -- kobar

Women in the community rely on themselves in the things and other things are dependent on men for that duty in accordance with the teachings of religion and power, law and guardianship, which is achieved by the women's all kinds of instability and this was defaulted from one society to another according to religious teachings, cultural and social In any law,even in the deserts and forests and thevillages around the world we see women and men depend on each other!!

Will talk about the society in which I live in The Arab world& Islamic :

Women in our society rely on itself in many aspects of life, but unless they have achieved can be achieved in many other societies, as it very far on the subject of selfishness Almchevi in Western societies richو


alyssa
I have to say that men who are or were in jail for whatever reason are usually Sociopaths with NO CONSCIENCE! 1 out of 25 people are, and I was recently engaged to a hot, super sweet, sensitive guy who even liked to watch TOP MODEL with me but was in jail before, and I accepted it - BIG MISTAKE!!! BECAUSE of the time he wasted in jail, I found out he was looking online for discreet sexual encounters behind my back and surely cheating on me! I had no idea, he would come home, spoil me, travel with me and tell me how he wants me to have his kids being the good girl I am - but being the sociopath he is, and doing that behind my back, then kicking me out by throwing all my stuff outside, and not feeling bad about it, I have to advise NOT TO date jailbirds! He ruined my hopes and dreams temporarily because I gave up so much to be with him and now I have to start over living at home and I am a college educated, sweet, good looking girl! He fooled me because they learn a lot in the slammer from other convicts and will fool you too. I don't care if Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives did it, they are BAD NEWS and in jail for a reason, because they have VERY SERIOUS mental issues that you do not have any idea about until your life is ruined and you sit there wondering what on earth just happened? Whether the crime was white or blue collar, it doesn't matter, sociopaths are everywhere, check out this website called www.takebackyourheart.com and you will see and understand why good girls date bad boys and they ruin them. Be strong ladies and set your standards higher no matter how cute they may be, they lie! There are plenty of good boys with a wild side - go for them, at least they won't cheat on you and then throw all your stuff out after they say they want to marry you! Most girls who date the bad boys are codependent in a lot of ways, but let me tell you - MEN DO NOT CHANGE! YOU CAN NOT MAKE THEM, as soon as you learn that the sooner you will be truly happy with yourself and your partner. Seriously...go to www.takebackyourheart.com it made sense of it all for me, and tells exactly the way a sociopath acts and how he fools girls no matter how smart and savvy they think they are. So be a savvy miss and STAY AWAY from jailbirds, and visit the website so you know what to look for!
~Alyssa

leisle -- Torrance
Last night I went (with my period) to the market and I couldn't help but pick up some of that fabulous cookie dough that you can just pull apart and pop in your mouth. It was like a magnetic force pulling me over to the doughy goodness. When I got home I plopped myself down at the computer, and savored the cookie bits while searching the web. And then I came across this article. You caught me, and dang it, you guys are so right. I don't know what it is about being on your period, but cookie dough has never tasted so good. And shoot. I'm going to enjoy it every time my dear friend "period" comes around. It's a marvelous excuse to eat uncooked dough, and I'm not giving it up. Thank you very much.

cutiepie
i just made the transition...and right now i am hating it! i miss the social interaction. and the schedule and routine... it's so much tougher than i thought it would be!

p1neapplegurl

Honostly, I think some of the times, we really cant help it. Our hormones are raging all over the place, and our body is just screwed up. I just try to be more aware of what is going on when it is that time of the month!


nicole007 -- San Diego
Ok, mostly I agree that we eat and bitch because our hormones are just a RAGING... BUT, we do use excuses. At least I do. But the crux of having a period, the thing missing from these comments is how great it is to have a period (especially for those of us who have ever worried our birth control method--whatever it may be--wasn't the best.)But it's interesting how all young women loathe having our periods and women (like my mom) going through menopause miss it? Do they miss the excuses or is it something else? I think it's something else. At the very least, having our periods is a way for all of us women--no matter where we're from, to be reminded that we are women, that we are different than men and thank goodness we are! And through tampon and chocolate sharing a really cool thing that happens is that we bond. And we all can relate to it. No matter how uncool or nobody's we are, we all know that every woman--even the one's we see on tv, are goin through it too!

LILA -- Los Angeles
I agree with what was said about women trying to change men and being co-dependent. Many prisoners are incarcerated as a result of actions attributed to serious emotional issues and dire circumstances. I would not advise "free" women to PURSUE intimate relationships with men in prison, especially when they are not in a relationships with them before they are locked up because you will inevitably inherit all the baggage that comes with an incarcerated individual--co-dependency is something that entraps (or imprisons, if you will) many women and this is a sure-fire way to stay locked in that mode.

LILA -- Los Angeles
With regard to questions about how to know if your partner is acting inappropriately, I think there's something to be said about standing by your intuition. I know that there's a fine line because if you are already battling feelings of jealousy, your intuition may be skewed. After witnessing what Hurt went through, I think if you have a strong hunch about your partner doing you wrong then you should investigate. If you find wrongdoing then it was your intuition that protected you. If you find nothing incriminating however, then you know that you have trust issues within the relationship that need to be worked out to salvage it or to allow you to step into future functional relationships.

Twilight
Ass for my self I would prefer being bf until marriage, We might be sexually active but now living with each other, No this is not a friends with benefits. But I think that’s just better, I wouldn't like to live with someone and have absolutely no commitment. u know what I mean?

leisle -- Torrance
Whenever I'm single I long to be in a relationship. I get sick of going out, trying to meet guys, and doing the whole "scene" thing. I just want to stay in, eat pizza, wear sweats and watch movies with a bf. Then, when I'm in a relationship, I see my best friends all going out while I "call it a night" and get super jealous. I think that looking back, I should have cherished my single life. Yes it's cliche, but if I could go back and do it again, I would have enjoyed flirting a little bit more, and would not have worried about when the boyfriend would come along. I do agree with the comment that when you're not looking for a boyfriend, you will stumble upon him. Yes, everyone always told me this when I was single and I hated it, but it's really true. Great things can just happen randomly.

leisle -- Torrance
My boyfriend was my neighbor in college. He literally lived right above me. We've been dating now for a year and a half. Dorm/neighbor relationships can totally work. sometimes.

Olivia -- Tuscon

I think the most important point the article brings up is that there's no shame in being a lesbian or bisexual. As long as you're safe, and honest with the man that you're in a relationship with, I say go for it. You have to be true to yourself.


Olivia -- Tuscon

This is hilarious. I love it.


Olivia -- Tuscon

Ohhh I love it. I'll try anything pumpkin! The Smashing Pumpkintini (in the recipe section) is awesome too.


eggamuffin

Good for you. You go girl.


eggamuffin

OPRAH, who else?


eggamuffin

OPRAH, who else?


sarabel -- Miami

This news almost threw me off my election coverage! Only Brit Brit could pull this kind of media coverage away from yesterday's (awesome) election day. I gotta go with #2. I think for some weird reason she really loved the loser. I do think that at some point she switched to #1 but I think it was really recent.

You know she's not my favorite, nor has she ever been but she really pulled this off well!


chelly
i found this very helpful for me. Im young but I am trying to figure if I Love Him or I Like Him!??
With every topic you wrote about my answer was yes! so i know now that it is love!!
but the thing is i dont know if he loves me back!!?

JaneyL2 -- Los Angeles
Now I don't know Britney. Won't even pretend to understand her. But don't you think it's funny that Reese Witherspoon files for divorce right before Britney does. Maybe just like all the gay actors who have been Lanced, Britney has been Reesed. If a strong, independent, respected woman like Reese can get a divorce, why couldn't Britney? And does this mean I don't have to read about, listen to or see K Fed again? Please?

bella -- ojai
Britney who?

catherinehirschman
I recently took the plunge and bought a tiny apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I started looking a year earlier, but had gotten scared off by the process. A good friend, who is a realtor, really helped me by making me go to the bank and get a sense of the type of mortgage I could afford. Once I knew that, I had a better sense of my price range. I didn't even look at places I could not afford. It was good I had some extra money for the closing costs because last minute the board of the building decided they wanted two years maitenance up front.
I made sure to get a building with low maintenance costs so that my monthly mortgage and maintenance payments are very close to what it would have been to rent in the same area.
Things came up and after a year I am living in California for at least a year. I rented the apartment for a good price and am making a nice profit.
I did not want to wait to buy an apartment with a significant other because I wanted to start building up an investment now instead of wasting money on rent. Maybe one day I will upgrade.
I think more women should think about taking the plunge.

jenr87
Britney definitely had her blinders on. Why else would she have married him? He's not especially attractive (at least to me), he's not incredibly successful, and he's not that talented. Sorry K-Fed. He must have really understood her and wooed with his "great personality." I'm not sure he has this either. Actually I'm not quite sure what he has. Maybe it was his "tough" image that won her over. Now this could just go into a whole new argument about those bad guys who somehow get the girls. So I'll stop now.

SharonToji -- Irvine
I graduated from Reed 48 years ago (sorry, Savvy Miss -- I know I'm too old for your site, but couldn't resist a comment), and guess what, it's hardly changed at all! And that's good, as far as I'm concerned, because I loved it, and still love it all these years later. It's beautiful, it's stimulating, it's life changing, and I consider it my spiritual and intellectual home.

EmilyRugg
I'm looking forward to my 10-year Reed Reunion next year. It's always nice to know that for all of the talk of "Old Reed" and "New Reed", it's always the Same Reed at its core.

snowflake
I also graduated from Reed, but it was about 10 years ago. I was a dunce about the college-chosing process, I had no idea what I was looking for. But as soon as I started walking through campus on the tour with the student-guide, I knew it was for me. I don't even know how I knew, and the reasons I had then probably weren't even the real reasons. I've heard a lot of people say the same. Reed is an intense place. I didn't take things seriously my freshman year, and I got blown out of the water my sophmore year. After that, I buckled down and was ultimately very satisfied with my experience. I've heard this said about Harvard but it applies to Reed, too: "good grades, social life, sleep: pick two." (Reed is the Harvard of the west, right?)It's interesting to note that (in general) your grades are not revealed to you unless you ask. I didn't ask until 3 years after I graduated, and I did much better than I thought!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Yeah I'm pretty sure I won't miss it. And I totally agree that it really creates bonding between women. Gross, but true. It gives us all a common thing to empathize with one another over. No matter how different we are, how much we like or dislike eachother, we can all understand the ailments and excuses that come along with the you-know-what.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Good choice Britney! I used to be a huge Britney fan, pre-K-Fed, and I hope this means the old Britney is coming back!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
This is really good. I recommend it to everyone!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I've had so many friends diagnosed with HPV, some of whom are now at risk for cervical cancer. Please be careful everyone-use protection and get tested!

page7 -- Boston
I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit it, I watched "Chaotic"--at least the first 2 episodes. What struck me was how "unimpressed" Kevin seemed with Britney's life/success. Of course he was probably, but he didn't show it. He came off so confident and "experienced" -- I think that was the hook. She met someone who finally wasn't giving her all the attention she was used to, so then naturally, she wanted it. Human nature I guess. Congrats to Britney for finally realizing your self-worth! You're fabulous, move on---

AbbyGal
I've experienced roommates and close friends sychronizing in period time. I always just thought we were experiencing "sympathy pains." I'm not sure of the "sweat" theory but I too would LOVE to know what that's all about---Dr. Please show your face!!! AliceinWonderland i agree that it does create a bond between women. One of my best friends and I met in a bathroom bar (I needed a tampon) and I never would have met her if not for both of us being on it. Men use the excuse too. "You're just mad at me because you're on your period." And they even bond over those conversations with their friends. "She mad at you?" "yeah, but she's just overreacting because it's that time of the month." Well you know what, we women should embrace it and bond over it too. Afterall, it's the one-single thing ever one of us has in common. And I LOVE being a woman!

AbbyGal
Is it bad to say that I want to hire a private investigator to track boyfriends? I hate this story because it scares the hell out of me that I really won't find a great guy. that maybe there's no such thing. I like sex too. And I do talk to my friends about lovers etc. But I would never plan a way to take advantage of a man in bed. That sucks.

Lola -- Boston
The dissipation of "Spederline" is a great opportunity for Britney to bounce back. Ever since she started dating K-Fed, she's made a noticeable turn toward bad media coverage. She already has two children to look after--she doesn't need a big, grown-up third.
Good for her.

Lola -- Boston
This is funny to hear about, because I recently went on a date where the guy admitted to giving me a test after I had failed it. We were getting into his car and he opened my door like a perfect gentleman, so I climbed inside. I sat waiting for him to get in so we could go, not thinking much about anything (he had already started to bore me). When we started to drive he told me that I had failed to unlock and open his door for him from the inside, apparently indicating that I wasn't interested in him.
Maybe some tests don't lie--after going out to eat, I called it a night and haven't gone out with him since. I guess women can be guilty of doing the quick-elimination thing, too.

Lola -- Boston
I love the tongue-in-cheek tone of this article. It's so strange how some women actually do date men who are in jail at that point in time. I think I'll stick to meeting guys who've never committed a felony.

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Great Article! I love this writer. I hope to see more articles by her.
Thanks Ms. Firestone!
From: A Mrs. Savvy Miss

SLaRue

THANK YOU ladies below for your kind, encouraging, and supportive words! It truly means a lot for you to take the time to read my story, comment, and share with others. Like you stated below AllisonGrace, we are all in this together so I feel it is necessary to do my part by educating people on this terrible disease. EVEN DOCTORS!!! It's called turning a negative, unfortunate situation into a positive journey. I try to listen and learn all the lessons along the way. Really absorb them. I listen to my intuitiveness. It speaks truths even before things happen. I am humbled by life, different life styles, possibilities and opportunities. Life can change in a split second. Mine did. Cancer is not a gift itself it is what one chooses to do with the eperience and survivalship of it... moving forward blessing yourself and others along the way. You CAN become a life "guide" by helping others make a difference. Like I said before, we are ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!

I would love to stay in touch through email with all of you so please go to www.myspace.com/cancerwarrior

I posted my story there too in hopes of accomplishing my mission to spread the word about the diagnosis, or in my case, the MISdiagnosis of breast cancer in younger women. Be good to yourselves and CELEBRATE LIFE EVERY MOMENT YOU ARE GIFTED WITH!!!

Stefanie LaRue


page7 -- Boston
Love it, love it, love it!
So true!!!! Nothing like freaking a guy out than being all serious. The secret word I believe is "aloof."

Amber -- San Diego

I am a recent transfer and going to a community college first was the BEST decision I could have made. I changed my major 5 times and now I know what I really want to do. BE AWARE transfering can cause you to be a semester or more behind so be cognisant that a four year degree might turn into a five year degree. Meet with your academic counselors early and OFTEN!


beverley
you got my attention,i could remember my frist kiss as if it was yesterday.It was arround march the 23rd,2004 at 3:21 pm in the evening.I would never forget that moment that i shared with marcus,it felt like nothing else mattered,all you realised is that you and that special someone is shareing the greatest time of your life together,and no matter what you could never erase the memory with that guy who got the first kiss.

beverley
I guest if i was in your situation i would of felt the same way,but as they say its a free world,he can do anything he wants for instance he can go to the coffie shop that you introduced him to anytime he feels like,maybe he is doing it to get on your nerves or he is not over you as yet and want to see your face.

beverley
I WISH IF I WAS IN YOUR POSSION BECAUSE I HAVE AN EX BOY FRIEND AND HE NEVER GIVES UP,UP TO THIS DAY I DON'T KNOW WHY WE BROKE UP,BUT THAT WAS THEN AND THIS IS NOW.I MOVED ON WITH MY LIFE AND HE SAW THAT I WAS SERIOUS,BUT NOW HE KEEPS CALLING AND TELLING ME THAT HE LOVES ME AND HE WOULD NEVER LET ME GO BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO BE HIS WIFE,HE JUST DONT GIVE UP ON ME,BUT AT SOME TIMES I WOULD GET FEAD UP AND TELL HIM A LIE TO GET HIM OFF MY BACK FOR AT LEASE TWO DAYS,BUT AFTER THAT HE WOULD BE CALLING ME BACK TO TELL ME THE SAME THING OVER AGAIN,YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH.I WISH IF I HAD SOME EX'S LIKE YOURS,ONES WHO HAVE LIFE OF THERE OWN.

SarahL -- Santa Monica
From my 3 brothers I'd like to say thank you to Elizabeth for writing this. I am always at a loss during these damn games. I had NO idea that there were two different groups that go out during the game. Does that mean the quarter back comes off the field for some of the game? Hopefully with this extra knowledge I can stay awake through the next game!

Kyliebaby3 -- Newport Beach

I'm sorry, but since we as women get a visit from the not-so-highly-acclaimed Aunt Flow each month, I think we have the right to bitch and blame about whatever we want that week.

I don't think it's a coincidence that every 28 days my jeans hug my ass like clingfilm on a roll of wrapping paper, I'm either hungry to the point of gnawing my arm off, or I feel the need to fast like Ghandi, all in conjunction with cramps that make a kick in the balls look like Girl Scout Camp.

So, excuses? I think not.


leenielew -- Lititz

I still am looking for Mr. Right. I will be 62 soon and still searching for someone to spoil me. I am a good catch. At least I think so. I have been an independant woman. However, I seem to attract jerks.
Leenie


sarabel -- Miami

My school's career center warned us that potential employers may look on the internet for more information about potential employees. They said they were looking at profiles on myspace to determine what sort of person they are. Definitely important to think about what you're putting out there when you're looking for your first job.


Ladymaggic
This is an awesome article and I agree completely.
A friend was telling me about the latest 'pole dancing' but the classes are too expensive..I am sending her this article too.
I agree that women should learn to use their bodies as a beautiful instrument..
Thank you for this

Ladymaggic

Ladymaggic

rumpshakernetwork
Yeah. OF COURSE guys ALSO test girls throughout the first date process, just like girls test guys.

That said, most of these tests in these articles are pretty lousy examples. Except for maybe the door unlocking one.

taliag
did k-fed get 40 million from britney for the sex tapes

taliag
did k-fed get 40 million from britney for the sex tapes

Tytiana954
IF YOU REALLY LOVE THAT GUY YOU WOULD CALL HIM.I WOULD SURELY CALL MINES.

hottist_hunnay15
Well...I've been in the same situation when I was younger. It's not always easy. Are you sure that you would rather leave him for his friend? It would ruin their friendship and the one between you and your boyfriend. Do what you want but think before you do it...Is it really worth it? Also, what if things didn't work out between you and his friend? Would you wish you wouldn't have left your boyfriend?

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
IM LISA ME PERSONALLY ITS HAS HELPED ME WITH MEN CAUSE THEY KNOW NOT TO COME TO ME WITH THE DRAMA, MEANS THEY CANT DO THIS THEY CANT DO THAT, AND I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT I NEED OR DONT HAVE AT ANY POINT MEANS IF I WORK FOR IT I CAN SPEND IT MY WAY WITH OUT ANY MESS ON WHAT IS MINE AND NOT HIS RIGHT, IM YOUNG AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT A LONG TIME AGO SINCE I STARTED WORKING IN HIGH SCHOOL MEANS NO WORK NO MONEY DONT HAVE TO BE MUCH AS LONG AS U DONT HAVE TO SHARE IT UNLESS U HAVE THINGS TO DO RIGHT. THANKS LISA

Raph -- Coralville
I dreamt that my ex had died. What does that mean?

leisle -- Torrance
I would like to think that I am completely comfortable talking about my period. My friends and I will share funny stories and be really open about our period woes. Then one day when I was helping my eleven-year-old niece with her social studies homework, she started quizzing me on periods. I felt so awkward, and after a while, I just told her to talk to her mom. I think that there needs to be a solution to this awkwardness between generations. More communication and honesty between older and younger women I think would definitely help. If we open up the communication on periods and not make it some big uncomfortable topic for young girls, then maybe it won’t be so awkward later on when they grow up and have to tell their daughters. And trying to make boys comfortable with periods is a whole nother battle…


jfire81 -- Pleasanton
The URL appears weird, you'll need to start with: www
and it ends
with: html

page7 -- Boston
I heard about this on the radio this morning. It's like Mel Gibson all over again. And it sucks because no matter how much you love their movies or characters, when their real personalities come into play, it changes the way we view everything. I can't even watch Braveheart anymore and I don't know if Seinfeld will ever be the same.

page7 -- Boston
My mom gave me the stupidist book to read when I was in 5th grade. Something that explained periods, sex, and all the differences between "boys & girls." When I actually got my first period she was out of town and I didn't even tell her because it was so weird....all I got from her was a book! As for being more public. Yes, of course we should be able to talk about it. But why oh why is it such a taboo? I don't know, but I'm with you, I'd rather tell people (male people) I have a headache than "I'm on my period." Honestly perhaps one reason is I feel that if I am acting "bitchy" and they know it's that time of the month they'll use it against me. What's that about?!?!

Amber -- San Diego

There does need to be a change in thinking. There is little tolerance and understanding until the "right of passage" has been crossed. It's comperable to discussing it with Brick from Anchorman. If you don't remember he claims "I hear their periods attract bears. They can smell the menstration."


Amber -- San Diego

You can buy 5 wine stoppers at Ikea for $3 or something equally as cheap. And they have fun shapes on the top!


sminerva21
I know that one reason I like to be hush-hush about my period outside my close circle of friends is because I get extremely painful cramps that sometimes lead to full-blown sickness, and some people often judge me and think that I'm weak because "all periods are the same and not that bad." It still surprises me when WOMEN say this to me. While it's gotten better over time, I still feel like I should just keep my mouth shut when it comes to my period for fear that other women are thinking, "No period is THAT bad, she just needs to suck up and deal."

I also remember that day in health class in 5th grade when the boys and girls would go in separatly to watch the puberty movie. I never understood this. Boys should learn at an early age that there's nothing wrong with periods, and girls should learn at an early age that it's nothing to hide from.

That's just my two cents!

calgal -- Riverdale
I know what your saying I'm seeing this guy at present who tell me he will call at a certain time and usually never does , so when he does call its like two hours later or call him and then he calls me back

calgal -- Riverdale
I am currently seeing a younger guy. I am 13 years is senior but he's very mature and we can relate to what the other is saying.

StaceySt. -- Santa Barbara
I think we all should keep it real with everyone as much as we can. Then again, I'm not so sure how my dad would react to hearing about cramps, cravings, bloating and bleeding. HA! Maybe we keep it real with our generation and then hopefully the next generation can talk to everyone about it...even Dads.

StaceySt. -- Santa Barbara
My friend was in the audience. She said he was out of control. People didn't know what to do and almost everyone walked out. Not cool comedy.

StaceySt. -- Santa Barbara
Can you believe he wants joint custody?!?! I don't think he deserves joint custody. Visitation, sure, but how many kids can he take care of?

StaceySt. -- Santa Barbara
If someone cuts me off and I honk and scream like a psycho and I have my period, then I deem my behavior justifiable. Don't get in my way!!!!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I just tried making these and they turned out really good! I dipped them in white chocolate to make them prettier.

blondedarlin
You're NOT the only person dealing with this. Yes, God help us!!! I myself am victim to this also. My "green shirt guy" and I just saw each other for the first time in 2 years (since our break-up since I've supposed to grown older and wiser) and yes, at first site every feeling came back and I ended up going home with him and doin it all night. He's also the BEST sex I've ever had but that could be because of the bond. He never treated me like I deserve, my family hated him, friends hated him, no one liked him but me and I don't know why I can't get over him. Why I still pine over him (secretly) when I know he was a shitty boyfriend. God help us!

blondedarlin
I hate having my period and I have no qualms with letting everyone no how much I hate it. Maybe there should be a sign or bracelet we wear when we're on it (like a Lance Armstrong bracelet) and then we can wear it proudly. Would be fun to pass someone else in the office or on the street and know instantly they were dealing with it too. Sure would make finding someone to ask for a tampon easier! LOL.

blondedarlin
So what's up with Britney and Paris being BFF's? Can't believe I actually care. Someone please, where's the logic? P.S. what sex tapes? If there are, is that the reasoning behind the friendship?

blondedarlin
"My boys." Ick! I loathe those words. Ick. No, you're not crazy it would and has pissed me off to hell. I'm all for boyfriends having friends, but when it comes to them being with friends more than me I have a problem with it. Especially if I don't like their friends...do you like his friends? Do you agree with their morals? That's a very important question here. If you don't like or respect them as people you should question why your boyfriend who loves you likes them if you see things so differently. Other than that, it's lame. Maybe he's insecure and doesn't want to feel left out from his friends loop. Maybe he doesn't want to be made fun of that he's "whipped" or whatever if he chooses you over them. Or maybe he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. (Is that how that phrase goes?)Anyways, the beauty is, you actually do have a choice. If you don't like it, leave. Sorry to be so blunt, but remember if he chooses his friends, you can choose another guy. Let us know what you think of his friends. What you REALLY think of them.

Alliekat03 -- Los Angeles

Here's another tip: Look for guys in the cooking aisle. Guys picking up spices or flour definitely know how to cook! Frozen pizzas? You might end up doing the cooking.


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
What a great interview! I definitely feel lost right now in terms of what I want to do professionally. It's nice to see that you can still be successful even if you don't know exactly what you want to do from a young age. Thanks for the article!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Well it doesn't seem like he's cheating or being dishonest, which is a good thing. But you can't be in a relationship where you don't feel like you're getting attention or treatment that makes you happy. Could you hang out with him and his friends some of the time? He needs to make you a priority, and you shouldn't feel guilty for asking for this.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I agree! I used to feel so embarrassed about how awkward I would get making speeches or meeting new people, but now I just laugh it off and embrace it as something that makes me unique!

blondedarlin
I'm all about the wait, but there's nothing worse than waiting a few months just to find out that he can't last more than 2 minutes or has a thing the size of your pinky! Or both!

blondedarlin -- Miami
Just call him and don't even think about it!!! Unless you're drunk. Drunk-dialing is ALWAYS a bad idea. Don't do that.

Janey

Know what the interesting part is? When his boys finally find girlfriends and/or wives (and it will happen) they will have no qualms about ditching him. Sad, but true. And by then I'm sure you've already moved on to someone more mature. Buh Bye.


Janey

We know we should stop thinking about "Green Shirt Guy". We know we should break off all communication with him. We know better than to google him. Whatever, we still do it. As long as we know better than to pursue it for real, and leave it in the day dream drawer - it's all good.


Olivia -- Tuscon

My best friend's ex-boyfriend was obsessed with video games. He put one on her computer, hoping she'd get into it. She tried to play, then asked him to help her get to the next level and he wouldn't - he said it was cheating and he wouldn't do it. Hahaha.


Olivia -- Tucson

Now I can pretend I know what I'm talking about with my boyfriend!


Olivia -- Tucson

Been there!


Olivia -- Tucson

Vibrators are an awesome way to spice things up. My guys loves when we add mine into the mix!


Olivia -- Tucson

Fun! I'm definitely adding this to my Christmas list.


ChasingPre
oh, waitressing. i've worked 3 resturant jobs and it's never been simple. a few things to add:
-in majorly corporate eateries, make sure you know WHEN the regional boss is visiting or "going to drop by." then, be on your best behavior.
-no matter how much you hate one of your tables, never fool with their food. how would you like it?
-when serving a large tray of food (you know, the ones that you have to carry over your shoulder), make sure you have someone to back you up, because it could lead to spilling everyone's dishes all over them.
-Learn from your veteran employees what you can and can't get away with before trying anything risky, like accepting a disguised drink from the bartender.

page7 -- Boston
I picked up a guy at a grocery store and a Pier 1 Imports store. Just a look into their cart says a lot. Wayyyy better to troll for men in random, yet respectable places than in bars.

page7 -- Boston
Articles like this are so important. We all as a society need to pay more attention to this issue. It's disgusting. Who are these sick, sick people and how can we stop it?

WorldTraveler

Carry a pocket mirror with you so you can make sure you don't have any spinach caught in your teeth!


ChasingPre
Since I'm moving into a new apartment soon, this will really come in handy when I need furniture on the cheap. Thanks!

ChasingPre
This is so nice to hear. It reminds me of how my ex used to always pick up chestnuts off the ground and then give them to squirrels, as if he were doing them a huge favor. hah!

Janey

I sometimes think of myself as still being 15. I get nervous and shy and think everyone is going to hate me, even though they're all irrational fears. I think there's something about high school that stays with you forever, but the whole purpose of growing up is that people can fall in love with your quirks, not make fun of them.


leisle -- Torrance
This article totally reminds me of the office Christmas party scene in Bridget Jones' Diary. Bridget is standing on the table with Rudolph ears and a glass of champagne singing some breathtaking Karaoke. It is absolutely hilarious/loveable, but I don't think I would want to have it happen to me! A tip from the movie: Wearing reindeer ears and attempting to sing while tipsy does not equal positive reputation among office staff.

jfire81 -- Pleasanton
Cute article! You can tell so uch about a person by looking at foods, medications, magazines. Good conversation starters when you see something you have in common.

kittycat -- Los Angeles
Well said, Janey. Nuff said!

kittycat -- Los Angeles
I say we're in a good place in regards to women and our periods. There are tons of references on tv/movies/books--discussions in classrooms and numbers of feminine products are promoting women (strong women) and having periods in a good way. Bravo society!

kittycat -- Los Angeles
I thought Paris would be a good influence on Britney but then I saw the photo of Britney's (well, you know) as she was getting in or out of Paris' car. Can she not afford underwear? Note to Britney: wear panties with short skirts. Note to Britney and Paris: keep your legs closed and panties on when around any and all types of photographic devices.

abrko -- A.A

abrko -- A.A
know i wont see sexy girl

Paris
Looks like I need to alert my friends!

Paris
Looks like I need to alert my friends!

shmishek -- San Diego

The truth that I have found is that really it takes falling hard for someone else to really get over my "green shirt" because now to me its not worth it. I still get random texts or gchats that make my stomach turn with butterflies etc from him..but I now know that its not worth anything more than that, and I don't want to risk my relationship now over my "green shirted" punk old boyfriend :) Time really heals if you allow the distance and keep your heart open to something new...God help you all and me too to remember that!


shmishek -- San Diego

Wow, it looks like you guys need to have a serious talk about all this. It seems that you may be on different levels of where your relationship stands. If he was really dedicated to helping you through this new, exciting yet difficult time in your life, he would figure out a way to see you more often. I would let him know that you aren't there to yell at him but need to know where he is at in his thoughts on the relationship and where he sees it going. good luck I wish the best for you 2 and the baby!


Raph -- Coralville
I would like to point out that the option of waiting longer than three months was not addressed. I'm a bit old fashioned in this, I suppose, but I want to wait until I'm at least engaged before having intercourse (other things are ok). What's the analysis of that option?

lily -- Los Angeles
I go to school in LA and I find it equally hard to study sometimes. It is so hard to focus on Saturdays (the day I usually need to get the most work done)when it is so sunny and beautiful. I just want to drop everything and go to the beach! Sometimes I take my school books too, but I end up just going for a swim and forgetting about it. Although one time I did see a couple studying for the BAR together at the beach. Maybe it can be done...

lily -- Los Angeles
I love going to my college's football games. Although many women out there don't praticularly care for the sport, I think a lot of females are just experiencing it the wrong way. My tips for enjoying football games: 1. Don't get there on time-- tailgate and relax until the second quarter. Football games can be really long, so that is why most people get burned out. Plus usually all the best action comes in the second half. 2. Try and pay attention to what is actually happening, and don't just use the game for a social event. Check out the score board and find out who has the ball and how many yards the offense has to go. Football games can be way more exciting if you know what's going on!

lily -- Los Angeles
I am a tutor and it has been the best job ever! You get paid (by your college) for your hours of tutoring AND your prep work. Some tutoring programs even let you tutor the same class for multiple quarters. I definitely recomend it to all those students who feel confident in a certain subject!

lily -- Los Angeles
My biggest freakaziod-ism happens when I am walking directly going towards someone going the opposite direction. I choose a way to go and then they just happen to choose the same side. Then we do this strange movement where neither one of us knows what direction to go so we just ossilate back and forth. It is especially embarassing when it happens with someone you like! Well, at least it can be an icebreaker...

satyavikash -- dhanbad
hi

sanajyots
howww sweet,and to think that u put all of us thinking about our first everythingssss!!! thank you and yess i am so happy just thinking about it.

carmellatte86

Well it sounds like you guys aren't doing to well.To me it sounds like he really doesn't want to make that commitment to you yet.You shouls tell him that maybe if ya'll spent some quality time maybe it wouldn't be so many arguements all the time. If he is really stressing you out then you need to call it quits for your own good and piece of mind. Why waste your time on someone who's not tryna be with you when you could have someone who truly cares for you and is willing to get off work and come see you and spend some time with you. I bet if you said that you needed some good loving he would have no problem coming by after work or whenever. He wouldn't even be worried about the arguing.So all I can give you is advice so I'm going to say this do what you feel is best for you.Hope you find a solution.Write and let me know.~GOOD LUCK~


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Hi! I think this site's awesome too. It's refreshing to see something different than most women's magazines out there.

Carita -- Altadena

Deana, you are such an inspiration! Another actress who advocates organ donation is Katherine Heigl. I hope their hard work pays off!


nicole007 -- San Diego
Good point, Raph. I think the article is saying anytime after 3 months. I think it's admirable to wait to have sex until you're engaged. Whoever you finally give yourself to will be a lucky, lucky man.

nicole007 -- San Diego
Hi Carmellatte86, thanks for your note. I've been hanging around Savvy Miss for the past few months and I love it. Check out the message boards too --There are lots of people who could use more friends and lots of friends out there to be met. Looking forward to seeing you around the site. Have a good day!

Janey2

I've never been much for waiting. I'd love to hear a guy's opinion on how long a woman should wait. In my experience it hasn't really made much of a difference. If he's into you, he's into you, whether you give it up, or hold out.


Janey2

University in the UK is so much fun. It's social, it's intense and a lot of the responsibility is on you to perform, not your professors to babysit students.


AbbyGal -- Atlanta
Do phone sex operators ever get into it and turned on or are they always just eating ice-cream in their sweats watching the clock? By the way, the prom fantasty. That's awesome, LOL.

erinness -- Portland
Do they go through training? I'd love to read some of their training scripts. Ha!

blondedarlin -- Miami
they do! a friend of mine was doin it for awhile. they give you scripts of what to say if you're in an akward situation....just like a telemarketer. LOL.

Roxy9901 -- New York City
umm, yes, me and my man broke up before, we were really happy, things just didnt work out, we mentioned the "I love you" parts many times, now we got back together and have only mentioned it once or twice, what does that mean? I dont say it, because i dont want to scare him away, why doesnt he say it?

LILA -- Los Angeles
hey there! welcome to the community...over the past few months, Savvymiss has been such a great place to come to daily, especially when you can't reach a friend or when you are looking for peer feedback on an issue you are having trouble with. it's so great to see new faces/names to the site that keep coming back b/c it shows how the community is growing and getting even stronger. Glad you jumped aboard!

jfire81 -- Pleasanton
Good article, although I can't imagine a worse way to make money. Unless it is some obscure relative who is filthy rich.

Galina
At last year Christmas office party, Director of nursing (a gay male) pulled down my pants and exposed my black panties in revenge to my dancing and flirting (successfully, BTW) with his life partner, who just happened to be also a russian jew, as I am - we had SOOO much to talk about IN RUSSIAN... he even sent me a very nice get-well gift when I got sick...guess I am not going this year - better not. I need my job as a nurse...

flygirl -- Los Angeles
I'm never comfortable talking about my period. There's a stigma. "She's being a bitch, it must be that time of the month." I'd rather people didn't know. Not sure why, just the way it is for me I guess...

leisle -- Torrance
One of my best guy friends is a gamer. One semester in college he even dropped out of school to achieve high level score on one of his games. The only time he would leave his room would be to get a to-go burrito at the local Mexican joint. One time when I called to ask him what he was up to he said, "well I just had to do some upkeep on Zelda. I had to kill 45 goblins to get the magic sword, so it was mainly doing some buisywork. Tonight is when it will get really good." If this isn't crazy I don't know what else is...Give me some Project Runway any day

leisle -- Torrance
I think the shampoo isle also tells a lot. Is he a groomer? Does he spend a lot on hair care? Or is a simple Suave kinda guy. This can be some crucial information.

nincompoop
Hello everyone... I just joined as a new member as well although I have been visiting this site for a while now... It is a great site and the blogs are also very interesting.

pdivak
this was a truly inspiring article for my friend and i who are very interested in starting our own event planning company. we would like to hear more avdice on starting similar types of businesses.

lisalove -- Manhattan Beach
I LOVE this article, it is SOOOO true. I'm single and expect to be through the new year and therefore expect to be "pitied" "alone" and ringing in the new year like Bridget Jones (singing into an empty bottle of wine-HA)! Too many years I've "stuck" with someoene because it was the holidays. Nothing worse than spending money on someone you know you won't be with in a month.

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Wow! What great ideas! I can't wait to try some.
Good article!
A big fan!

leisle -- Torrance
I love these ideas- especially the chocolate one! Can't wait to try it...

leisle -- Torrance
This idea is perfect for a dinner party! You could write on the message saying thank you for coming, have a safe drive home etc. Or it would be great for Valentines Day. Your date/bf/husbend could open it up for a cute message!

leisle -- Westwood
Welcome! I have really enjoyed reading the articles and getting to post comments and additional tips. I love this site and I hope you will too!

blondedarlin -- Miami
Of course it's ok to see what's out there!!! Men are like jobs and you have to try out lots to find which one makes you happy. Just don't lead anyone on. Karma's a bitch!

wanderlust -- Secaucus
Wow! I could not agree more. I've had this discussion before with my female friends and I just don't see why we should mess with a system that's worked since the beginning of time. Also, if you're not getting your period, how would you ever know if you were actually pregnant? I mean, birth control isn't 100% fool-proof. So, yeah, I would not feel comfortable using these pills until plenty of research exists out there with the long-term effects of this method of instant gratification.

LILA -- Los Angeles
In theory, I completely agree with you, but I would be lying if I said that I never look at my period as being a burden. When I'm not on birth control, I get a really heavy flow, major cramping and feel a tremendous amount of weight. Nevertheless, I think the language and general sentiment out there regarding menstruation has us internalizing resentment towards it and causes us to feel this way. Not to mention, this way of thinking hinders us from celebrating our bodies and what makes us unique relative to our human counterparts.

cannonbose -- Portsmouth

What about auto insurance? Can you post info on cheap auto insurance?


wobbly
Does it cover diabetes?

nicole007 -- San Diego
I am with you, nothing beats a real tree.

Carrie -- San Diego
Thanks for the great article. As a single woman who dreads this time of year, NO LONGER. I will celebrate, have fun and meet new friends! Thanks for the great pep talk, being single is no longer the death sentence it used to be!!!
Sincerely,
Carrie

HondaHunny
I applaud you for having the courage to say how you feel! Not a lot of women can recognize that children are not for them PRIOR to conception. Society either pressures and shames us, or complains when the women is a horrid mother, who half raise their children because they didn't truly want them to begin with. I don't care for most children, and being twenty-seven I figured I would have had the "mommy" feelings by now. When I see a friends baby and all that goes with it I just want to run the other way! God bless you for knowing whats right for you!

rachel-flyer
Love, love, love it!!! I will NOT spend this New Years watching Bridget Jones' and singing into a champagne bottle by myself!!!!

fbrown12 -- North Hills
Yes this is so true. I love Christmas tree smell. Evertime we get a christmas tree i gather up all the wood they cute off the trunk with and use it for fire wood and then i love the little leafs when they fall off i save them and put them out around the house and vacumm them up it brings out the christmas smell again..

lily -- Los Angeles
I just tried the chocolate rim idea for a Christmas Cocktail party and it was a definite hit! Thanks for the tip!

AbbyGal -- Atlanta
Yes, it happens to most of us. Next time he wants to have some alone time with you go out with your girlfriends.

carmellatte86

Oh this is such a cool idea. I sure will be trying it. My sweetie will never be able to keep his lips off.HAHAHAHAHA


nicole007 -- San Diego
I second that!

cannonbose -- Portsmouth

This is great that child prodigys still exist in this day and age. There's hope for us to experience something more in our lifetimes.

Does anyone know if Beck has pieces on tour?


cannonbose -- Portsmouth

Welcome to the community. What have you been reading and liking online most recently?


nicole007 -- San Diego
Men's clothing stores work too! Just say you're shopping for your brother.

AbbyGal -- Atlanta
I've done that!

cannonbose -- Portsmouth

Being a guy, I think he's scared about the change in his life. It's big difference between having fun and being responsible once a baby is in the picture. Another possible issue is that you're at home all day and are looking forward to his coming home so you can unwind from your day. That "dump" within five-minutes of us walking in the door is quite overwhelming as we need to decompress also. Laastly, I know that I don't get as much attention as before, I realize that, but I do need to be told I'm important, loved, and wanted as much as the baby. Good luck.


wobbly
Do you have a background in military?

whistler
Do you have any certifications?

whistler
I mean, security certifications

wobbly
Or police background

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY

psnh
I think cannonbose points out a couple of good points. Insecure guys and babies are a tough mix.

wobbly
Hi!

wobbly
How well does she excel at chess?

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
FROM LISA, WELL TO ME I HAVE DONE IT WHY BECAUSE IM A LONE AND I CAN MOVE IF THINGS DONT GO THE WAY THEY SUPPOSE TO RIGHT, PLUSE ME I WORK AND I KEEP MY OWN PLACE OF COURSE AND MY RENT IS PAID SO IF THINGS DONT WORK OUT VERY WELL U HAVE A PLACE TO GO BACK TO RIGHT, SO IF U DECIDE TO SHACK UP WITH YOUR MATE JUST MAKE SURE U HAVE A VERY GOOD UNDERSTANDING WHO IS THE MAN AND THE WOMEN OF THE HOUSE RIGHT AND HOW THE BILLS R GOING TO GET PAID RIGHT, IF THAT CANT HAPPEN ANY DECENT MAN OR WOEN CAN DO BAD BY THEM SELFS RIGHT.THANKS LISA

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
FROM LISA, WELL IM SINGLE WOMEN DURING THE HOLIDAYS AND ME PERSONALLY I DONT MIND ITS LONELY OF COURSE BUT LIFE GOES ON RIGHT I HAVE A JOB AND A ROOF OVER MY HEAD SO IM FINE WITH THE REST,I CALL MY FRIEND TO MAKE SURE THERE FINE AND DOING WELL BUT IT NICE AND QUIET IN MY HOUSE AND I HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE WORLD AND MY THOUGHTS RIGHT, ABOUT FAMILY THERE OK I GUESS RIGHT VERY QUIET WITH OUT SISTERS AND BROTHERS FUSSING ABOUT THE BILLS THEY DONT WANT TO PAY RIGHT SO ITS NOT TO BAD FOR ME LISA I GETS PLENTY OF GOOD REST THANK GOD WITH NO NOISE OTHER THE CARS PASSING BY MY WINDOW SO ITS NOT A BAD THING AT ALL ANY RIGHT.

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
TO WHISTLER, YES I DO HAVE CERTIFICATION FOR ARMED SECURITY WORK FOR THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA AND WILLING TO ANSWER ANY QUESTION REGUARDING WORKING ISSUES, THANKS LISA

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
TO WOBBLY, NO MILITARY BACKGROUND AT ALL, THANKS LISA

jfire81 -- Pleasanton
If anyone finds out if she has a tour let us know, she seems like something special.

lily -- Los Angeles
I love to go out to the movies with my parents when I'm home. It's a great way to catch up on all the movies I didn't have time to go see or probably wouldn't see during the quarter (plus, they usually pay!).

lily -- Los Angeles
I am so inspired. Even if I too end up looking like a monkey, perhaps I’ll feel a bit sexier inside. I’m gonna give it a shot!

leisle -- Westwood
I do agree that getting your period can be somewhat gratifying. In high school I stopped menstruating because I was exercising too much and not eating enough. Now that do get my period on a regular basis, I strangely welcome it. Yes, it can be a hassle, but it is a reaffirmation that I am a woman and am connected to millions of other women out there. Cheers for periods.

andriam
I must also agree...being unavailable is hard. Especially when he was tight on his sex-game. I'm strugglin' with that right now...Thanks for reminding me to stay strong...

andriam
That kinda hurt but it's the truth, huh? Enuff said....

nicole007 -- San Diego
I'm not one for my boyfriend going to stripclubs, but I'm all about feeling empowered and sexy at the same time. I saw this on Oprah. My best friend and I are going to give it a try. Sounds much more fun than the treadmill!!!

bookworm -- West Salem
At the ripe old age of 44, I took a leap of faith, quit my "day job" and started my own business doing something I'd loved to do all my life. I'm sure there were people who thought I was insane... I left a good career and a secure job for 18-hour days and 8-day weeks.
Was it worth it? Oh, my, yes. I'm happier, more relaxed, I think sharper and I'm more energized than I've ever been. I rarely wear a watch any more. I'm my own boss. I LOVE my clients (many have become good friends). I'm learning new things every day and I LOVE Mondays!
Was it easy? No! I can't tell you how many times I was ready to throw in the towel and go back to a traditional job. But I hung in there and here I am... making a living, just bought a house, doing my own thing and making a difference.
Trust me... it's one of the best things I ever, ever did for myself.

bella -- ojai
Bella is all about pole dancing--it sounds like fun. Is it actually a good workout?

rachel-flyer
It's a KILLER workout!!! And yes, it's SO much better than the treadmill.

virgil
This martini absolutely rocks, and I am not generally a martini guy. Great for Christmas parties and I love the curshed candy cane on the rim for a festive touch. Use a blender or coffee grinder to get the candy cane fine enough.

bbennitt -- Carpinteria
You are so right. It's not an easy thing to do - when you're the smart one, the one who tried hard in school, who bought the line that getting A's in high school would somehow lead to a better life down the line - it's a pretty hard thing to give up. But that just isn't the way our world is, not anymore, anyway. Stop trying to be what our society says will lead to success and start living, whatever that means for you. Don't stress about the money, the status, whatever - get creative and just focus on sharing whatever your gift is. The rest will come.

Chloe -- Los Angeles
After reading this article I feel inspired. It is so hard to continue reaching for success when you can't see whats around the corner. Dicipline is such an important indgreidient. One that I lack. I love the advice Candace Bushnell shares. I think I am going to read it again. Thank you Savvy Miss.

lauramc70 -- Los Angeles
I'm so glad someone else feels the same way as I do! I actually was told by my doctor to try my own birth control pills for 3 months at a time, then break for a period and back to 3 months without a break, in order to help with PMS. Her theory was no period, no PMS. I thought the idea didn't sound very natural but against my better judgement, I tried it. Into the second month with no period I began to have tingling in my limbs, a light headed feeling, and flashes of light in my eyes. I stopped taking the pill and my doctors don't think it is related. I never felt this way before I started doing this and I think it is related. The symptoms are of migraine with aura, you don't get the headache just other physical symptoms. This started last February and I still get these type of migraines.

For awhile I thought I might have MS but an MRI came back normal. The pill can cause regular migraines but when I was on them on a regular month to month basis I never had migraines with headache or without.

The fact that doctors dont' seem at all concerned with this form of birth control/period control really bothers me. Also my doctor's first response to my request for help with PMS was to try and prescribe anti-depressants. I have PMS for 2-3 days a month and to want medicate me 24/7 for that seems absurd.

Ladies please be careful and go with your gut even if your doctor tells you to do something, if you don't think it's right for you don't do it. Getting a period is normal it may be a pain but it is what our bodies are supposed to do, I also firmly believe, don't mess with mother nature!

AbbyGal -- Atlanta
I LOVE this!!! My relationship resolution is to no longer date or sleep with or have "situations" with men who are not over their ex-girlfriends, men who are not over "high-school" or men who are not "sure" they are ready to commit to "1" woman. I am SO tired of men who are all about the chase and resolve to not, not, not, date a man who doesn't want to catch me!!!!! YAY for 2007!!!!

AbbyGal -- Atlanta
I loathe my period and I love it. It's natural and I want it, I expect it every month (until I am ready to be pregnant). Ok yeah, sometimes cramps, PMS, other symptoms suck but come on, it's part of being a woman and I say let's deal with it or better yet, embrace it!! It's what makes us who we are...

leisle -- Westwood
Although I know guys like girls who are all done up with make-up, dressy clothes etc. I know plenty of guys who like their gals with a relatively natural look. My boyfriend likes it when I go without make up because I can get ready quicker and he can see me in my true form. That's not to say he doesn't appreciate the little black dress though...

bella -- ojai
i think these are seven great ideas from Frankel. The best idea for me to follow is "spend only cash for a week". I know this would give me a much better idea of where my paycheck is going and why I faint everytime I get my Visa bill. Thanks for the tip!!

fbrown12 -- North Hills
He's cheating! As being a cheater once myself "in the past" that was my same story work and him just being over paranoid and insecure. but nope he was right i wanted to have my cake and eat it to. He's cheating!

nann -- Encinitas

I completely understand and wish I knew what to tell you. I have suffered through eating disorders for years and felt fat at a size 5, 7, and now completely monsterous at size 10. I wish there was some kind of magig pill I could take to make women fee beautiful no matter what size or shape.


Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills
I think its healthy to reflect back on life experience, recognizing how you live & learn. Many of my girlfriends are happily married (3x pregnant at once in 07) Sharing their happiness doesn't make me feel like something is missing in my life. Instead, I realize more that good things come to those who wait and when we least expect them. Good luck with the book! Sounds like you have great material!
Think about how "Sex in the City" evolved. Whether or not your eventual book becomes a NYT bestseller, you're well on you're way to finding the guy that suits you best.

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
Back in high school, girlfriends and I were adamantly against this whole topic. As we got older, and developed relationship experience our opinions changed. In most cases, my girlfriends who moved in with boyfriends did so partly to save money and reduce bills, but they had also discussed longer term plans. It wasn't a case of move in together and then think or talk later. The desire to afford weddings was secondary. One of my girlfriends who lived with a guy a few years with intent to marry broke it off, moved to another country and then found the guy of her dreams (whom she married in a romantic barn surrounded by animals and loved ones). In another case, one of my girlfriends moved in with her guy while awaiting his divorce to be finalized. They later bought a house together and still plan to marry. Each situation is different. My view is you should be able to talk about intimate things with your partner and decide whether or not marriage is right for you. Some people skip it and are fine living together. That wouldn't be my choice. I seek the whole fairytale.

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
It would be great if you would interview some ambitious women from outside the U.S. You could also compare or survey ideas of ambitious women in different cultures. Andrea Jaeger is a fascinating U.S. tennis pro who recently became an Anglican Dominican nun. Another idea for an interview is Nadia Comaneci, the Romanian-American gymnast who pioneered her sport and later created a school/ foundation for orphans. She became a first-time mother in 2006.

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills
This is a great interview. Thanks! For me, achieving success is based on how much I believe in myself and how I learn to see or create favorable circumstances. Its not necessarily wealth or recognition, but these things can evolve. I agree with Candace that writing or any other passion can blossom into success from hard work. This also happens when we least expect. Goal-setting is very personal and so is the means by which we achieve anything. People will tell you what they think you can or can't do, then, you need to decide for yourself what you wish to so and what's really possible.

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
Friends of mine think it would be neat if your website visitors could vote on book choices for reviews. By which criteria did you choose your "best books of the year?"

nincompoop
You're pretty good! I loved the chick-lit fodder that you fed us. It was funny (amazing how other people's experiences are always funny!) and really well written... I enjoyed reading it very much!

Olivia -- Tucson

He is so cheating. It's hard to let go, but you have to. Respect yourself and say bye-bye. You deserve better!


Olivia -- Tucson

I love it! And Johnny Depp happens to be my favorite too...Do guys freak out about not finding someone like we do?


Olivia -- Tucson

These are super yummy! I made them and everyone loved them.


NicholeD -- Columbus
I wish I would have read this earlier this week. I have known a guy off and on for three years,we finally hooked up but I felt like it was more me pursuing him. Well it has been two weeks and I want to know if it is too late to begin the "Rules" so that we maybe can start a relationship. We already have had sex and I really do not want to have a relationship based on sex. I really like him as we have alot in common thus far. Where do I go from here?

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
Sounds like it would be useful to talk with him more about how you feel. Only you can determine what kind of attention and dating situation appeals to you. Dating can teach us a lot about ourselves, sacrifice and compromise. Don't forget that when your boyfriend is out with his friends, you can explore your own interests with friends too!

zannahdeux
THANK YOU! I am going to be 30 this year and I am tired of people telling me "oh but your so young" and they happen to be married and have kids already. No one seems to understand that this is NOT where I thought I would be at 30 and with that comes a lot of dissappointment. Cheers to a New Year and hopefully us losing our training wheels!

summer-girl
Checking my online statement after I spend helps me to realize my purchasing habits. If I regularly check how much money I have spent, then I can keep my spending in check and not freak out when I get my monthly statement. This helps me to not to go overboard on shopping- which can um..occasionally happen...

summer-girl
You have definitely dated a gamut of guys, but I think that's really great. Now you will be an expert in detecting the winners from the losers. Good luck out there!

summer-girl
You have definitely dated a gamut of guys, but I think that's really great. Now you will be an expert in detecting the winners from the losers. Good luck out there!

blondedarlin -- Miami
Congrats, ladies!!!

StaceySt. -- Santa Barbara
India Arie and UNICEF rock! We should all learn to lead like this.

erinness -- Portland
Most women taking the pill are trying to prevent pregnancy. How can you ever feel secure with the shot or pills that make you skip your period? Period=not pregnant=good for most pill takers. Is it just me?

Olivia -- Tucson

I agree! It's always nice to have the monthly check-in with your body to know everything's all right.


lauramc70 -- Los Angeles
I completely agree! How would you know if you were pregnant or not. I developed migraine like symptoms from being on the pill continuously, which I also commented about on another message board. I also haven't heard of any long term studies on how this can effect women's bodies. My best friend had a severe reaction to one form of birth control pills that effected her mood. Every woman is different and the pill isn't always as wonderful as the article makes it seem.

leisle -- Westwood
I have always worried about the possibility of gaining weight when taking the pill. I run track and adding extra pounds can definitely affect my performance. It's good to know that this is a myth because I have always stayed away from the pill for this reason. Thanks.

LILA -- Los Angeles
Wow...I always thought of myself as being pretty assertive, but I do find myself saying "sorry" way too much. It's not that I say it when someone is trying to find a source to a problem, but more apologizing for certain character traits I possess that others may not be used to (getting really excited about something or exuding a lot of passion around folks a little more reserved). After reading this article, I'm going to be really conscious of the amount of times I say "sorry" for no reason because the way you language yourself cannot only reflect the way you feel about yourself, but can also affect the way you feel about yourself.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I agree! I've started paying attention to how much I say it, and I say it a lot. New resolution: limit "I'm sorry" and "like" in vocabulary.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Try adding almond extract for a little extra flavor.

LILA -- Los Angeles
Jason's being way too idealistic. Sure, when you have an emotional connection to someone, the sex is most likely going to be wonderful, but it's really more about energy. If there are two people that are on the same sex wavelength, they are bound to have mind-blowing sex, irrespective of whether they are in love or not. Furthermore, Jason, I think you paint a really simple picture about our grandparents' generation. There were much less divorces in their day largely due to societal constraints, not simply because they understood or respected love a lot more than we do.

Olivia -- Tucson

I agree. People haven't changed in the past few decades, but society has. It's simply become more acceptable for couples to get divorced. Before, people didn't have the option and stayed in unhappy marriages. Now, they can get out and pursue happiness no matter how old they are.


summer-girl
I agree that sexual chemistry is crucial for a happy relationship. If you plan on staying together for the long haul, you’re going to want to be with someone who you’re still excited to have sex with- even in 20 years. So if it’s bad now, imagine what it will be like then! If you have tried to let him know in a subtle way, and have given him some time and it still does not improve, you may just need to move on. Good luck!

Betsy -- Torrance
I have a friend with the same issue. It is so frustrating because it seems pretty clear that he is cheating on you, but he is making you feel guilty for thinking this way. You should not have to feel guilty while he goes off and cheats. It's just not right. And even if he is not cheating, he is not treating you right. It just doesn't seem like he is worth the energy.

Betsy -- Torrance
This sounds delightful- especially because I my New Year's resolution is to give up drinking for a month.

LILA -- Los Angeles
I hear you loud and clear. Your friends sound like they're almost taking it personally that you're not being excited about the idea of marriage as they are. I think that your married friends or about-to-be married friends that are adding the pressure are doing so because they might be taking offense to your not looking at marriage as a priority. They're probably insecure about the reasons they are so excited about marriage and in your not putting marriage on top of the list, it reminds them of their own insecurities. Your friends should be encouraging you as you do great things and not try to make you feel like you're missing out on something, especially when you're not communicating a void in your life. Making you feel like you have to add to the list of things you don't have is just hating.

Betsy -- Torrance
Wow! I just had this conversation a couple days ago. My sister has been dating a great guy for about two years and now every time she runs into a family friend she is asked "so any wedding bells yet?" She is going crazy. Plus, she got a lot of extra pressure around the holidays- my mom was so disappointed when she found out my sister got a digital camera from her b/f instead of a ring. My sister is perfectly happy in her relationship and has a great job. Why can't people just be happy with that and let her be? I agree, something needs to be changed.

LILA -- Los Angeles
I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced ridicule and prejudice b/c of your having the disorder. I am guilty of freely and jokingly describing someone or his/her actions as bipolar when s/he hasn't been diagnosed with the disorder. I will certainly be more sensitive with regard to the illness as I have had some close friends diagnosed with it and have seen firsthand what they've gone through. Perhaps it was just a way for me to make light of the illness to deal with what I've witnessed, but regardless of it being a defense mechanism, referring to the disorder for joking purposes is inappropriate and irresponsible and I am no exception.

foxabigail -- Block Island
Thank you for this article. As soon as I read it, I've forwarded it to friends and done some of my own research. There's a lot of convincing information about there about hormonal birth control reducing one's libido. Even though the research isn't complete, why take a chance if you don't have to? The relationship between birth control and a woman's sex drive is fascinating and I wonder why there's not more discussion about it in the press. Kind of amazing to think that since most women in the U.S. use The Pill, many are likely suffering a decreased interest in sex, without even making the connection! I guess this means more women starting looking seriously into alternatives, like IUDs, etc. Please write more articles about birth control; it's something that rarely gets addressed in any depth in the media. Thank you!

HondaHunny
I've been where you are, and its so confusing, hurts so badly, and is just terribly depressing (for me). I began to question all of the things that I may have been doing wrong. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sound like the "novelty" of you has worn off for him, and that he is super immature. He isn't by chance a firefigther, EMS, or police officer is he? They are great people, but I've experienced that sometimes that type of behavior is normal for a handful of those guys. Stress of the job and what not. Anyway, think about it like this, you're seeing his true colors now regardless of whatever he "says" his friends say about you. I agree with Janey, when his friends find girlies all this will stop, but who's to say that he wont go find other lovely friends? Have you thought about something bad happening where you need him, God forbid, and he'll be too busy doing something for his buddies? I've been here and it hurts. If you really want to test his feelings start hanging out with new guy friends with his knowledge of course, and make sure you're looking date-hot if you do. That will either wake his silly butt up, or he will continue on with the same behavior. I'm sorry to say, but it is what it is, and you deserve better!


summer-girl
Even though gals are on a roll, I do think that there are still places that we need to go. There is a significant difference in the number of men compared to the number of women in science- especially the physical sciences like physics and math. Although there women are definitely making ground, there are still more places to go. So get out there ladies!

Betsy -- Torrance
Saying sorry just runs out of my mouth. Even when I'm not sorry, I feel like I have to because apologizing profusely is the socially accepted norm. But really, by limiting your usage of "sorry" you can be more sincere because when you do say it, people really know that you mean it.

KLB678
Summing up Jason's response in one word: cheesy. First off, it is unnecessary to point out that you are laying on the sarcasm pretty thick when it is already beyond evident. Not to mention that as a virgin his response is practically invalid. His advice is idealistic and ridiculous. Clearly this woman thought waiting two months was challenging, so I commend her for holding out. Two months is a short waiting period for some, long for others. It is a personally relevant matter, and not grounds for judgment. If this woman had waited a year or (wince) till marriage, the sex would not be better due to a deeper emotional connection. Sex would be a less exciting part of the relationship. And honey, sex is crucial. Move on.

leisle -- Westwood
My best friend has a "date purse." It has been known to have a high return rate.

summer-girl
I love hosting dinner parties, but as a recent post collegiate student, my budget is pretty low. Thanks for the tips, and I'm glad you share my affinity for Trader Joe's!

lily -- Los Angeles
I am a twenty-something with braces. It is definitely not fun to when people still mistake me for a highschooler even though I have a real job. Don't even get me started with what some people say to me at bars. I appreciate the advice and thank you for the article- because sometimes it's hard to be taken seriosly when age isn't on your side.

swan480
Jason's response is so old-fashioned it's offensive. He's basically reviving the "All guys want is sex, all girls want is commitment" stereotype.

Our grandparents' time is not something we want to go back to. Women were beaten and raped by their husbands, worked like slaves for absolutely no pay or rights of their own, and watched unfaithful husbands drink away the family income. The only reason there wasn't more divorce back then is because it wasn't culturally acceptable - women weren't given enough worth to determine what they deserved out of their own lives.

So don't tell me there's more divorce now because women are freer to have sex than they were in the past. That's an insult to everything the women's movement tried to achieve for us.

patri
I think the most important thing to remember is that not all "pills" are the same. When I was uninsured, my pharmacy gave me a generic brand, with the same active ingredients but with heavy side effects. I gained weight, felt depressed, and definitely a lower libido. Now I use a better brand, and I found no side effects whatsoever.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
My best friend was recently diagnosed as bipolar, at the age of 22. Doctors classified it as depression before, but now she'd getting the correct treatment and medication and she's doing really well - about to graduate college and in a happy relationship. I think there should be an increased awareness, definitely.

lagshields68
Where's Condi on the list?

leisle -- Westwood
Maybe it's juvenile, but I do think you should bring it up. Next time you go and see him, why not tell him that you two need your space apart and that this coffie shop is your space. Take it back!

Olivia -- Tucson

This is so true! I know two couples that have already broken up since January 1.


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
A good question to ask: What's a typical day like in this position? And don't forget a firm handshake...a limp one is an immediate turn-off.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I think it's crazy that this issue has been so hush-hush until Blood Diamond came out. Why didn't we ever hear about this? We think we're so advanced, but we're basically condoning genocide - by remaining silent as a country and by purchasing diamonds as an individual. I'm going to spread the word to all my friends.

summer-girl
I do love playing group sports and jogging with friends, so these activities do correlate with my dosha. Maybe I should start eating some more white fish! Fun quiz. Thanks!

Betsy -- Torrance
I started dating my boyfriend right before the new year. I was worried that Valentine's Day was going to weird him out because it was coming so soon. When he asked me out for V-day I knew I was in. It's so right on. If you make it through V-day you're in the clear.

jenr87
I would seriously recommend taking out a loan or doing whatever it takes to live on campus. There's nothing that can match the learning experiences that you'll receive from living in a dorm with tons of different types of people. It's worth the possible hardship of paying off a loan later on in life. I promise.

Olivia -- Tucson

Oh my gosh I know what you mean. I feel so embarrassed FOR the interviewers like Ryan Seacrest because I feel like they're being so ridiculous. There were so many awkward silences and you could tell so many of the celebs thought he was ridiculous. And Maria Menounous (not a fan of her) would ask one celeb about some random gossip story of another (She asked Kate Winslet about some Cameron Diaz rumor). SO awkward.


summer-girl
I have done this before and it's really fun! It feels like you are shopping for free! Plus you get to clear out some of those too tight clothes you haven't worn since you decided showing off your belly button wasn't cool.

lily -- Los Angeles
I agree that coming up with questions before you go into the interview is very important. Employers always will ask if you have any questions. On one interview I had to meet with three different people and they each asked me if I had any questions. I asked them all the only question I could think up on the spot and it was very lame. My advice- think of great questions ahead of time because employers get excited about your curiosity.

Betsy -- Torrance
I totally do too. Ryan kept asking TV stars if they felt any animosity towards the movies stars. As if they are really going to say "Yes, the movie stars make me feel like a second class citizen." Why must he ask questions that he knows celebrities will not answer? Make it stop.

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
I think its vital to learn the origin of things we buy from food to luxury items so we grasp how our choices and lifestyles have repercussions. This posting prompted me to research some history.

The engagement ring has been linked to the 4th Lateran Council presided over by Pope Innocent III in 1215. He declared a longer waiting period between betrothal and marriage. Plain rings of gold, silver or iron were used. Gems later became reassuring status symbols to aristocracy. Laws were passed to preserve a visible division of social rank, ensuring only the privileged wore jewels. As time passed, these laws relaxed. Diamonds and other gems became available to the middle class.

Early on, engagement rings were mounted sets of stones.A traditional sentimental pattern mounted 6 to celebrate joining of 2 families: The birthstones of the bride's parents and the bride (on the left), and the birth stones of the groom and his parents (on the right). The parents' stones were mounted with the mother to the left of the father. The bride and groom's birthstones would be adjacent in the center. Another similar pattern, for four stones, mounted the birthstone of the parents' marriages, and the birthstones of the bride and groom.

The first recorded diamond engagement ring was presented by the Archduke Maximillian of Austria to Mary of Burgundy as a betrothal gift in 1477. However, the diamond engagement ring did not become the Western standard it is today until after an extensive marketing campaign by De Beers in the middle of the 20th century. The accepted establishment of the diamond engagement ring as a standard in Western culture is a result of one of the most successful advertising campaigns in history. have we been brainwashed?

lily -- Los Angeles
You are so right. I always buy wine because of the cute labels. I need to stop that. Some of the best wine I've had has come from really dull looking bottles.

muzzon
Interesting

muzzon
Good

leisle -- Westwood
It is so refreshing to hear someone speak honestly about motherhood. I do want kids but I am scared to death of becoming the stereotypical "mom." I don't want a mom haircut (I'm not a cropped bob type person) and I definitely don not want to have to wear mom jeans. Thanks for showing that you can be a mom and still be yourself.

joni_zac
yeah, good

joni_zac
oh it's so great!

muzzon
Yeah, very good!

cyber_hippie

Girl, I just saw this post, and I am SO throwin' my hands up! I almost was even going to ask your permission to post this to my OKCupid blog. Great post!

I think, frankly, that men are intimidated by independent women. Let's face it: When we know what we want, know who we are and where we stand in the world, we have power. Most men are not used to women having any real kind of power.

That's my take.

I cherish my independence, and I encourage the women I know to own their power and their lives. Like you, though, I also still need love and affection and companionship from a good man.

It's a hard balance to strike.

Jen M.


shgoss -- Shreveport

cyber_hippie email me directly at askohshelia at aol dot com


jfire81 -- Pleasanton
I have always thought that Diamonds and the "precious" stones ad campaign was amazing. We have been convinced that a rock is worth a lot of money, Paleeeeeese, it is a rock, and we are finding out they are quite common.

nicole007 -- San Diego
I'm not going to lie a part of me is terrified of getting married and having kids. It's just so generic. I know most people say it's the beginning of their lives, but to me it seems like the end. A part of me feels crazy for thinking this because we're programmed to want to "settle" down but I can't help it. I think about waking up early to go to a soccer game and I just would rather not. And I love kids, don't get me wrong. Obviously I'm just not ready, but will I ever be? Please someone tell me I'm not crazy.

muzzon
Very interesting article

joni_zac
Author write more.

Michele_diz
Very necessary information

leenielew -- Lititz

HondaHunny,
God bless you. I have been newly diagnosed w/Bipolar 2 at age 62; I find having the ups and downs to be devastating. I was in 2 back to back hurricanes in 2004(Fla.) and was diagnosed w/PTSD and now Bipolar. I was a psychiatric nurse for many years and many Bipolar patients; never knowing this would happen to me.
If you have any advice for me, it will be greatly appreciated. I don't read these blogs, very often. I'll try to pay attention in case you answer me.


HondaHunny
Questions I would ask yourself: Am I stable on my meds? Do they know what triggers my episodes, or it is believed that the PTSD triggered the episode? Do I have a pattern, or cycle? Has anyone considered my hormones (HRT) playing an important role? Do I know an authority in my area treating Bipolar Disorder?

A excellent psychiatrist will make a huge difference in getting back on balance. Even if you must go out of network do it, it is worth it! I was partial-inpatient at Shepard Pratt which is one of the best private mental health facilities on the east coast; I had one of the worst doctors on the east coast.

Keep a journal, or a log, like you would with a pt. Write down your thoughts for the day, what you did, or just whats on your mind at that time. How you mentally felt. Always write the meds you've taken that day, and how much.. like charting a pt. There may be things through out your day that triggering your mood swings and you not realize it until you take a look back. Personally, I summarize my moods and meds, so I can answer all his questions, and he can answer all of mine. I've noticed I cannot remember anything since I've been on Lithium. This disease is all trial and error, and we're the lab rats. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you haven't already seen, or are going through. The most important thing that I have learned is to educate myself to my specific Bipolar type. Find out all you can about Bipolar II, even if you think you remember it all, go look it up, you never know what you've missed, and it might be important. Only use clinical sources. Don't compare yourself to others, this disease is as personalized as your own DNA! Psychiatrist argue w/me on researching my disease - knowledge is power. Most LCSW, PHds, and Psychiatrist do not like to label your to your face w/a dx, but it is what it is, and in order for me to function to the best of my ability I feel the need to know how to take care of myself. There are all types of misleading crazy "Bipolar help" sites. Most of them are nothing, but incorrect information. People who don't want to take their meds, and/or people who like to stay Bipolar if you get what I mean, they make conscious bad choices. There is a website: www.allnurses.com, this is a great site for info from bipolar nurses, it is a message board, but was/is very helpful for me.

See a therapist if you're not already to help you cope with whats going on, yeah you've seen other go through it, but its a whole different ball game when you are.

Get sleep!! Your sleep schedule cannot vary if you want to stay what I call "normal." I believe its between 7 - 10 hours of sleep is the correct amount. I don't know if BP amount of sleep is the same as normal sleep.

DO NOT use alcohol, but I'm sure you already know that. I'm not a drinker, but I would drink a tad here, and there if I went out. I was on Paxil all those times which just game me a nice quick buzz. I sipped once while on Lamictal, and I thought I was going to die I got so sick!!!!

Be aware, if you haven't experienced this already you probably will. Bipolar seems to be treated like an fictitious illness. Most PC & specialist will not want to treat you. They do not care what medications you are on, and how the medication they are prescribing will affect, and/or destabilize you. I have a wonderful CRNP who understands, and treats me with respect.
The psychiatrist I had prior to this my new one said, I will probably be a patient all my life. I was going to school to be a RN before this happened, and she thinks I will end up in a group home. Remember if you get a hopeless diagnosis it's time to seek other avenues. You were functioning at a high level before, and there is no reason why you cannot be again! The psychiatrist I am seeing is brilliant, literally. He can tell you the different serotonin receptors that each drug affects w/out looking them up, even meds that aren't psych! He prescribes what he see's fit, not what the drug reps are pushing that week, and he isn't afraid to use the "oldies, but goodies," like Lithium and Depakote.

I'm not sure if this is common RN knowledge:
It is my understanding that when ANYTHING affects the serotion it causes Bipolar's to destabilize - rapid cycle. Anytime you're on anything that affects serotonin like Zelnorm, SSRI, Amitriptlin (sp?), migraine med Imitrex, Flagial, Macrobid, etc, can potentially destabilize you - I am speaking from experience; however, I'm not a doc, or pharmacist. Hormonal issues will cause mood swings, as well, including menopause. You can correct them hormonally, but it will only fix the mood swings that are hormone related. My ob/gyn may be giving me an injection called Lupron, it will put me in menopause, and then supposedly allow me not to have the symptoms of menopause. Lupron will cause my hormone levels to stay consistent. My hormone issue is causing mood swings during PMS to the point I just about can't function. I'm not sure which menopause you are in, but you may want to consider looking into that.


I'm sure you've noticed w/some of your pt that a lot of docs will overmedicate. I was told that I "do not have the bad kind" of bipolar, yet my previous psychiatrist was trying to prescribe Risperdal, and Zyprexa.. you get the idea. I'm Bipolar NOS, hypomanic, w/o psychosis. The drug reps are constantly pushing the newer expensive drugs like the atypical anti psychotics, and Lamictal, Topamax, etc. I'm not saying dont take the meds you are prescribed, but if you question something say something! A lot of these psychiatrist will blow pt off, I think it is, because they feel they're so high up on the food chain - if your psychiatrist doesn't want to listen time for a new doctor! From my previous doc I was on 5 different meds at once, I was so sick constantly, still have mood swings and depression, AND too sick to get out of bed literally. When this past June came I, alone, stopped all of my meds, but the Lithium. Here is why, I couldn't stop vomiting, I had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, MRI, MRA, went to a Johns Hopkins RA specialist to be tested for RA. All of the specialist had the same response, I was not stable on my medication. My dx is that I had too many different drugs in my system: Lithium, Paxil, Prozac, Trileptal, Klonapin, phenergan (even when I was describing a dystonic reaction), and Nuvaring. I stopped taking eveything, but the Lithium. My point, you've gotta watch out for you, because no one else will, and its a blessing that you are a nurse, and know how to do so!

What has worked for me the most is Jesus. In Mark 11:24, Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.." He has also blessed me with two wonderful parents who have stayed by my side. I hope that I have been somewhat helpful. What I mentioned are things that work for me, and things I need to look out for. Things I didn't know when I started. I try and look at it like this (when the world isn't falling apart) I feel all of these emotions, that most people never get to experience in a lifetime.. I can do in a day. I love like there will be no tomorrow, cry until I become sick, feel more sorrow than 10 people combined. And empathize w/someone getting to the breaking point of ending it all. May God be with you through this rather crazy journey where only the strong survive. If you'd like to email, or anyone BP needs a friend I'm usually around. God Bless - Kim

Amber -- San Diego

Sounds like a great guide. This makes me want to pack my bags and go somewhere fun!


krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Nice article! Sounds like the writer of this article likes to travel as well! I hope to read more articles by her.
Karen

Betsy -- Torrance
Making friends in your classes is a definite must. I usually have to miss one day a week for sports games, so having a friend in my classes really takes the stress away. Just make sure your friends don't feel like they are being used for their notes. Treat them to ice cream as a way to say thank you!

Olivia -- Tucson

Finally someone speaking about motherhood to our generation! I've always said that I never want to have kids, but that's because I don't want to be one of THOSE moms. It's nice to hear someone saying that you can do it and retain your sense of self, even if that self doesn't love every baby she sees or feels like starting a family ASAP.


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I grew up watching Christy on the Disney Channel! Thanks for the update on what she's doing. I definitely think she can compete with the other actresses in Hollywood.

lavidadulce
I've absolutely never wanted to have children. I'm sure for some they might be great, but to me, they've traditionally served to keep women locked into a limiting and unappreciated lifestyle. As women are "expected" to want to reproduce, I think it's fantastic that more and more are pursuing fulfilling careers outside of the home--careers that are recognized and appreciated in society.

nicole007 -- San Diego
I will absolutely vote for her if her husband is her vice pres. I would love to see him back in the white house.

Jessy -- Boston
Sounds great!

lily -- Los Angeles
I've traveled alone a few times and have found that certain destinations were definitely scarier than others. I wish I would have had this book to point me in the right direction. Next time I'll know where to go...

Olivia -- Tucson

I totally think so. In the past 10 years shows like Sex and the City have proven that we don't have an "expiration date" or need to be married by a certain age to lead amazing lives. Now we think of Carrie Bradshaw (not a lonely cat lady) when we think about being single in our 30s and 40s.


Betsy -- Torrance
I would love to see Hillary win, but I just don't know if enough people will vote for her. I think a lot of men (and women) might say they are comfortable with a female president, but wouldn't actually vote for a woman when it came down to election day. It will be interesting to see what happens.

missbrittany
leave him.
at this point you arent even sure if you trust him. and besides why would your best friends boyfriend lie to you about something like that?
atleast let him know where you stand and what your thinking.

uptownbaby
i don't think i would have ever said this because i'm such an adamant fem, but considering how the US looks to the rest of the world, particularly the non-Western world, i don't think that Hillary would be the best choice. While it would be great to see a female president, i don't think the Iranian or Venezuelan president would respond well to Hillary. One, she's white, representing in their eyes the "Imperialist West" and two, she's a woman, which will not resonate well with unbearable male egos that dominate world leadership.
On the other hand, i think it would be interesting to see how a non-Republican, black president with Kenyan ancestry like Barack is received in zones that do not care for the US. While Barack's foreign policy would ultimately dictate their responses, i think his presidency would pose an anomoly to the "Imperialist West" notion of some non-Western leaders. Hillary may do the same in that she's a woman and not a man of European ancestry, but at the end of the day, she would be viewed as an auxiliary component (because she's a woman) of the "Imperialist West" (because she's white). i am not too familiar with how all parts of the world define "the West," but i can tell you that in many places around the world, when people think of "the West," they usually think of people of European descent.
Maybe i'm putting a lot on race since i'm from the US and we're super race-conscious--some non-Western leaders may very well see every person in the US, irrespective of ethnicity, as part of the "Imperialist West." And maybe we should just not care about how other people will receive the new president solely due to his/her ethnicity or gender, so that we can evolve into a more egalitarian world and not succumb to narrow-minded, archaic minds--change needs to start at some point, right?! Honestly, i still have to do my research on their political stances, but on the onset of the presidential race, those are my initial thoughts.

lily -- Los Angeles
I am a lip gloss fanatic. Almonds and Cranberries- oh my! Craft time.

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
WELL IM JUST GOING BY WHAT I KNOW AND HAVE SEEN MY SELF, HAVING A HUSBAND AND MARRAIED NOW DAYS U HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GO THROUGH THE ISSUES WITH HIM AND HIS CHANGES RIGHT, MOST WOMEN NOW DAYS, R MOST INTO THEMSELVES AND NOT WILLING TO GO THROUGH THE CHANGES WITH A HUSBAND OR A MALE MATE EIGHTER WHY MOST OF US HAVE HEARD THE LIES, ISSUES,PROBLEMS FROM OTHER RELATIONSHIPS, AND NOT WILLING TO HEAR THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN RIGHT, SO THATS WHY MOST OF US IS SINGLE AND DONT MIND IT AT ALL IT DONT COST TO HAVE PEACE WITH YOUR SELF RIGHT, RIGHT WE NEED TO BE LOVED OF COURSE , WE LIKE GOOD SEX RIGHT, BUT BEFORE WE GO THAT FAR TO HAVE SOMEONE DECENT IN YOUR LIVES WE THINK WHAT WILL IT COST US RIGHT, WELL IM YOUNG STILL MY SELF AND I THINK THIS WAY CAUSE I HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS AND I ENJOYED THEM OF COURSE, BUT I LIKE BEING ALONE AND HAVING QUALITY TIME FOR MY SELF TO RIGHT, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A WONDERFULL HUSBAND IN MY LIFE BUT WHAT I HAVE SEEN AND TALKED TO PERSONALLY MY SELF THE MEN NOW DAYS R NOT RELIABLE ENOUGHT TO BE IN A REAL DECENT REALATIONSHIP LEADING TO MARRAIGE NOW DAYS EIGHTER AND NOT WILLING TO PUT FIRST FOOT FORWARD TO MAKE THINGS WORK AND MAKE IT LAST AS WHAT I CAN SEE FOR MY SELF, ME PERSONALLY I LIKE OLDER MEN ONLY WHY CAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT AND I LIKE LEARNING FROM THEM.IM 30 AND STILL LOOKING HOPE TO FINE ONE THAT IS WILLING TO GIVE HIS ALL LIKE MY SELF TO MAKE IT WORK AND LAST FOR EVER RIGHT SOMETHING WE ALL WOULD LIKE RIGHT AS DECENT WOMEN RIGHT, THANKS LISA

nincompoop
hmmm... wouldn't it have just been easier for you to accept that your period is natural, something you cant help and something that you are going to live many years of your adult life with than going through this excruciating process to avoid whatever it is that you are trying to avoid? I mean everyone knows you have it... You are a woman, buying tampons is just part of the process... Talking about it publicly is good... but you just need to accept it so that you're more comfortable with the idea yourself!

leisle -- Westwood
Starting before you're 25 is key. I just met with a retirement adviser and he told me that if you start saving now (as opposed to when you're 40)you will be putting in three times less and making three times more. Sounds good to me!

ladysilverwolf

i used to have the same problem. There was the paranoia about what other people were thinking and how uncomfortable it is to buy feminine products.
What changed my opinion was when I went shopping with my boyfriend Kenneth. I didn't want him to know that "Auntie Flow" was visiting. As he wheeled the cart closer to that aisle, I began to freak out. He just looked at me and asked "pads or tampons?" then he grabbed some and also grabbed some chocolate. Then he walked up to a guy clerk and had the guy ring them up. I was mortified but Ken taught me that I should be comfortable with my body and not be afraid because guys know what's happening and they just deal with it.


LILA -- Los Angeles
This is extremely important for EVERY WOMAN. There are so many women who say, "I can't afford to save," but, believe me, if your life depended on it as it will in your retirement years, you will find a way. You have to look at it as a means of survival, and even if you can only put in 10 or 20 bucks a month, that will ingrain the idea of saving in your head. As you make more, you can put in more, but start now if you have not done so already--it is the one of the best commitments you can make to yourself.

jenr87
I completely agree. Why can't they take her (or any other woman in politics) seriously? It's as if the only thing interesting about women are the clothes they wear. I think the American population has been so conditioned to focus on women’s clothing so that when a woman in some sort of power wants to be known for something other than what she is wearing, reporters just can’t break the habit. Now the question is- why do reporters continue to ask those questions? Are they asking about her clothing because they are trying to appease the public, or do they really think that this is an important issue? I think they ask the question because for some set reason, it matters in our society…and I’m not sure how to make it not matter.

LILA -- Los Angeles
The fashion criticism is a sneaky way to undermine Hillary's presidential qualifications. I mean, sure, if Hillary has a great suit on, I would comment on how great she looks, but that's not going to affect my voting for her. It's embarrassing to see and hear the US media going this route. Makes me feel like they're trying to take steps back as soon as we're taking dramatic steps forward. Boo.

Olivia -- Tucson

Maybe we should talk about what Bush is wearing. It would be a lot more interesting than what he's saying. I don't think it's bad that we talk about this - fashion's interesting and it probably draws more people in to articles about politicians.


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
It just shows that the press has to cater to a shallow public audience. No one cares that Americans and innocent citizens are dying every day in Iraq, but they care how many times Barbara Bush changes her outfit in a day. It's pathetic.

kristart
Because women have much more interesting clothing options, I think people are much more curious about what women are wearing then men- think the Oscars. But when it comes to politics, do reporters really have to go there? You're right, it's an insult.

babyallie -- West Hollywood

WOW! This review is so good it makes me want to buy this book and pretend I have the money and time to travel to all the exotic places above. Thanks!


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Thanks for the real advice. Most magazines won't go into this much detail. I'm gonna tell my boyfriend to read this!

kristart
What about people being different kinds of "smart"? If one partner is great at math and the other is great in languages I think they can compliment each other really well. On another note...I think many guys like to date women that are less intelligent, but like to marry women that are on the same intellectual level.

lexie
I would only have to courage to have a threesome if I had a couple drinks in me (and by a couple I mean like 7). I think it's good advice to wait on the threesome until you're comfortable doing it sober, so then you won't seriously regret it in the morning. As for me, don't know if that will ever happen...

secondfloorgirl
I had a threesome with two of my guy friends for my birthday. I had been with both of them before, so we were all pretty comfortable together. It was an AWESOME night, and since they needed more recovery time than I did, it was nonstop fun for me!

Another time with one of the same guys, a threesome sort of started but there was more chemistry between two of us than three, so the second guy bowed out.

swan480
As I consider myself a highly intelligent woman, I have a few comments to make.

First of all, I've dated men who are both dumber and smarter than me. The dumber ones typically felt threatened to me and constantly tried to cut me down on an emotional level to make up for it. The smarter ones (of which there were very few) were incredibly annoying - I wasn't a threat because I wasn't smarter than them, but instead I was a trophy because I was *almost* as smart.

Personally, I think it's insulting to smart women to hear an intelligent woman say she wants to find a man who's smarter than her. It's like saying you *want* to be subordinate to your significant other. When I found my Mr. Right, I knew he was intelligent and well-read enough for me to hold a conversation with him, and that was enough for me. To this day I don't know who's smarter...and I honestly don't care. We have an equal relationship, and that's what matters.

However, I *do* think there's some truth to the idea that smart women marry less because they know better. Think of it this way: half of those who *do* marry these days get divorced. So maybe less smart women get married, but has anyone thought to look at the divorce rates? Maybe smart women are more likely to have high self esteem, less likely to feel dependent on men, and therefore less likely to make mistakes in their love life.

If that's the case, I think the lower marriage rate among smart women are ENcouraging, rather than DIScouraging.

LISAMATTIE3955 -- BERKELEY
HELLO FROM LISAMATTIE3955, YES TO A CERTAIN POINT FOR ME DATING A MAN, WHY CAUSE ME PERSONALLY I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THE MEN SHOULD NOT BE TOLD WHAT TO DO, HOW TO THINK, THINK WITH BASIC COMMON SENCE, DO SIMPLE TASKS,AND FOR ME LISA I THINK BEFORE I ASK A QUESTION TO A PERSON AND I USE MOST BASIC COMMON SENCE THATS SOMETHING MOST MEN AND WOMEN DONT DO NOW DAYS AND WHEN THEY RELIZE WHAT THEY HAVE SAID ITS TO LATE TO CHANGE RIGHT.MOST MEN DONT THINK LOGICAL ENOUGH FOR ME SO I RATHER BE ALONE,ITS GETS LONELY TO BE A LONE BUT FOR ME LISA IM FINE WITH IT, AND ME I LIKE OLDER MEN ANY WAY SO MOST TIMES I DONT HAVE THOSE PROBLEMS MOST WOMEN GO THROUGH WITH A MAN ANY WAY CAUSE I STAND AND LOOK BEFORE I JUMP RIGHT. THANKS LISAMATTIE3955

larissa217
test

charlotte
I think it's because families can't survive anymore with just one parent working. Women, too, have to make successful careers for themselves if they want to raise a family, or even if they don't. Taking the time to cultivate your career seems to take precedence over marriage.

lily -- Los Angeles
I order Thai takeout at least once a week. Maybe I should try making it for a change...It will probably be a lot cheaper and a lot healthier!

lexie
I had been single for the longest time--and after you've been single for ages you just don't want to settle for any guy that comes along. When I expressed my frustration to my friends in relationships, they would tell me: "You'll meet a guy when you're not looking." What is that supposed to mean? It just seemed so condescending. I tried to "not look for guys" but trying to not to look turned into avoiding everyone and feeling sorry for myself. Finally, a great guy stumbled around, but it was when I was frustrated and still looking. I hate when people try and tell you to not look. I agree with Ian in that you should stay open and optimistic.

hugme12

i looking my sweet hert and lovely creation of god which is called girl but i m a unemployed but do some self work since 1990 my aged about 30 year and i m indian if any girl wanna friend like a soul mate so pls send me mail alaoal2000@yahoo.com


lavidadulce
I agree with what the author has to say.. but this is ridiculous! Why can't a woman just show up and be herself-- not have to keep all these little things in mind? Kinda crazy.

Olivia -- Tucson

Haha. I think it's definitely important to have realistic expectations. It's all about the balance between that and not wanting to settle. Also Lexie: I know what you mean. People always say that...but it makes no sense! The only people that say that are peoplew ho already have bfs.


Olivia -- Tucson

It's so true. About six months ago I got rejected from what I thought was the absolute best job for me. Turns out it wasn't though, because the job I ended up getting a few months later paid more and gave me way more room for professional growth.


hugme12

i always respsct to everyone thuoght but but go by my mind


jenr87
I think it's great to call and ask why you weren't hired. It may seem like an extremely painful move, but you'll end up getting some great info for what to do next time. On my first internship interview I didn't ask the employers any questions…and I didn’t get the job. When I called back and asked about why I wasn’t hired, they told me that I was a great candidate, but they would have liked if I would’ve conveyed more interest in the company by asking questions. On my second interview, I went in with prepared questions, and ended up landing the job! It may be an uncomfortable call, but it will surely help you in the future!

Betsy -- Torrance
Just make sure that when you call, you tactfully ask why you weren't hired. If you say something like, "What was wrong with me?" it may sound like a question you would propose to your ex-boyfriend. But asking "What would have made me more of a desirable candidate for your company?" makes you sound a lot more professional.

kristart
Go to a Late Night TV show taping like SNL, Leno, Letterman, Conan, Stewart or Colbert. It's great entertainment, you get to leave the house and it's all free!

summer-girl
Okay, so maybe this does involve a little bit of strolling, but you and a friend could make a hot beverage (coffee, hot coco, or perhaps a little something spiked...), put it in a thermos and take a walk through the city. If you don't live in a city, well, I guess your out of luck.

charlotte
Hmm that is a toughie. I know because I struggle with exact same situation every night, too. My roommate and I have a membership to netflix, so for about five bucks dollars per person per month, we get unlimited movies. Rent a scary one and invite friends over for a movie night. Free and you still feel like you're doing something.

zena7
I like the ideas so far! I also have a netflix membership and my roomies and I take turns choosing a movie each week. Plus, microwave popcorn is a lot cheaper than buying a bag at the movies and then you can watch comfortably from the couch in your pj's!

zena7
Really good ideas here, especially numbers 5 and 6. I tend to charge items on my card far too often and lose track of how much I am actually spending in total. By using only cash, I can't let myself get out of control! As far as holidays go, I am always tempted to spend lavish amounts on friends and relatives, particularly on those who do so for me. But I have realized that gifts are not a way of repaying someone in monetary amounts, it is all about the thought and feeling behind the gift. Taking a friend to lunch is a wonderful present because then they get yummy food and good company!

zena7
GoGirlGo! sounds like a fantastic organization. It is so important for young kids to be exposed to information about healthy lifestyles and to be given opportunities to become physically active.

Molls
I am the same way! I have no idea why I get so wierd about some stranger ringing me up for an item they must sell large quantities of all day, I just feel so silly. I have no problem asking even my dad of all people to buy me tampons while he's at the store, but when it comes to actually getting them myself, I turn into a nervous, fidgety, twelve-year-old.

Molls
Thanks for this list! I plan on testing out some of these suggestions ASAP. My hair is long and thick and needs all the help it can get in order to stay healthy. I especially need to remember to get my hair cut regularly. With long hair, sometimes I let myself go for months without a trim, but I know it should be done, so I guess it's time to make an apointment!

Molls
these sounds incredible, i'm going to try the recipe this weekend!

Molls
While I think that binge eating is a serious problem in our society, I agree with Kristart that once it is classified as an "eating disorder," mass paranoia will ensue due to the fact that so many of us do "binge" eat once or twice a week. Binge eating is something almost everyone does once in a while so I don't think it should be considered a disorder unless it becomes an everyday activity . . .

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I think the difference between a disordered binger and a person who just likes to eat a lot is the control part. Yeah, I eat a lot, and sometimes I eat way to many pieces of pizza or whatever, but eventually I stop myself. If it's an actual psychiatric problem, I think you'd eat and eat and eat ALL time time and not be able to stop until the food ran out. Like a whole gallon of ice cream.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I think being a makeup artist is one of those careers that sounds really cool, but it's so hard to succeed in. It's all about knowing poeple and getting lucky.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Did anyone know the US is ranked in very bottom of modern democracies around the world in terms of women holding office? What's wrong with us?

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I know tons of people who've gone to fashion school, but I don't know anyone who's gotten a job in the industry. What kind of jobs to people normally get straight out of school?

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I always wanted to be an arcaeologist when I was growing up! Thanks for the article; it made me want to go after my childhood dream again.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
It would be so fun to be a chef. I'd just be afraid that it would be really hard to be successful and make enough money to support myself.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
What a great article! My boss is totally a Preppy Spoken Here!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I used to work at a super negative place. The boss yelled at everyone and it was really tense and unproductive. Bosses everwhere: Be nice! People will work better.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
It's also useful to try to schedule reviews with your boss. Every couple months just check in and make sure you're both on the same page in terms of what you're doing.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Thanks for the quiz! I just reaffirmed my belief that I need to pursue a career in writing.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
It's so true. A bad cover letter is an easy way to weed out sloppy applicants.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Please just quit if your boss treats you like that. Use someone else at your work as a reference and get the hell out of there.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I think it's just really hard for a lot of people to leave work in the office. We spend so much time there it's easy to be consumed by it all the time.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Someone told me the unemployment organization's website has a lot of good job listings, too.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I would just not mention the job if you weren't there for too long. You'll have to have some sort of an explanation for what you were doing during that time period, but it you have a terrible reference, no one will want to hire you. Why would they?

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Or: What are you doing today? Meaning, I have a huge project that I need you to do for me.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I think making that first jump is the hardest part. Once you move to a new city, or quit your current job, you'll go after it becuase you'll be forced to.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Does anyone have any advice on how not to cry in front of your boss?

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I can't believe only 2% of the fortune 500 CEOs are females.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
It's funny because it's such an old fashioned idea, but it's true. The right manners and etiquette and can make you or break you.

Olivia -- Tucson

Is it true that having a debit card can make you more eligible for a credit card?


Olivia -- Tucson

I thought way more people did online shopping...it's so easy!


Olivia -- Tucson

Does anyone have a credit card that they really like? That has good rewards and all that? I can't seem to get away from these rip-off ones.


Olivia -- Tucson

What a fun article! Thanks for something fresh and different instead of the same old credit article


Olivia -- Tucson

Even just throwing a product party at your house is a way to score some extra money. My sister hosted one and her friends spent so much money that she won three free days in a hotel, anywhere she wants!


Olivia -- Tucson

The politics of money in relationships is so weird. No one wants to feel indebted to the other, but sometimes it makes sense for the person making more to pay more for things. My boyfriend always get really uncomfortable when I pay for a lot for us, but we both know I make more. It's weird...


Olivia -- Tucson

I'd come with an actual notepad and prepared list of questions. It'll make you look more professional and you'll get ALL your questions answered.


charlotte
I've also heard that avodados are good for dry hair.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Does anyone else find most Valentine's gifts totally cheesey? I don't want anymore lame boxes of chocolate. It's so much more fun to just do something together, and forget the gift altogether.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
I've actually heard that you can "make up" lost sleep time. Does anyone know if sleeping an extra hour on the weekend will actually help you out?

lexie
I agree, GoldenAfternoon. This year my boyfriend and I are just going to cook dinner together and have a mellow evening. This takes away the pressure of having to plan perfectly romantic V-Day...which I tried this last year, but I was so stressed out I didn’t even enjoy our ice skating outing. I was too worried if my tiramisu would harden. Looking forward to this year so much more...

lily -- Los Angeles
Looks good! I think I might just have to make it for Valentine's Day!

leisle -- Westwood
I try and not wash my hair everyday because I know it's better for it, but the problem is that it gets so greasy. I have to wear it up in a pony the next day or else I look like a wreck.

summer-girl
I think that it doesn't hurt to get an extra hour or two of sleep on the weekend...just as long as your not sleeping in till 2.

kristart
I get take-out and make it last for multiple meals. It's usually my dinner, my lunch the next day and my dinner again. That way the 12 dollars I spend is only like paying 4 dollars a meal.

charlotte
It's also good to reuse everything that you possibly can: ziplock bags, foil, grocery shopping bags. You help the environment and you don't waste money buying all those things and just using them once.

LILA -- Los Angeles
I get a point for every dollar I spend on my credit card, so I usually charge everything on it. I pay off my card immediately afterwards (via BillPay because it's free and fast), before incurring any interest. This way I get cash back without interest detracting from it. Essentially, I get money for spending money.

sminerva21
I definitely sleep a little extra on the weekends, but usually only an hour more than workdays. Even if it's just to lay there and be comfy, it's worth it to me to have that time to myself.

But I'm also pretty sure you can't make-up for lost sleep, unless you're seriously sleep-deprived. I usually get "weekend headaches" if I try to catch up on sleep by taking super long naps, or sleeping in a few extra hours. Every once in a while it's okay, but if you make it a regular habit, it does more bad than good.

cyber_hippie

Thank you for saying the snooping has to stop. This is the 3rd response to this reader's question, and I was wondering to myself, "Hello? Anyone besides me think it's scummy to snoop in someone's house?" I think it's very rude to go through people's things.

I am not, however, defending this guy's actions. Not at all. His withholding of this information is equally vile.

See, when I was in college, I hooked up with this GREAT GUY. *eye roll* This GREAT GUY didn't feel the need to tell me he had it. At all. Ever. No. I found out on my own when I came home for break. Doctors diagnosed HSV-2, and I was beyond mortified: I was crushed. Absolutely humiliated. I'm not a dirty person. I didn't sleep around indiscriminately. I just had the misfortune of meeting one man who did not think it was important enough.

I am very upfront about this. Now, I don't tell every man I meet that I have it, but I DO tell every man I meet, with whom I know I'm likely to get intimate. Sure, loses me some dates, but I'd be willing to bet every single one of those men would say he's grateful to me for being so ethical.

Bottom line? This chick needs to learn to respect others' personal belongings, BUT she also needs to dump this jerk. My guess is he was not going to tell her.

He's a jerk, plain and simple. Move on to better fish!

Cyber_Hippie


fbrown12 -- North Hills
Uhhh Gossip. Its that Love hate relationship. I dont think its the same as high school high school is only diffrent cause you think its the end of the world and your inclosed in your school and thouse are the only people you know. In the "Real world" its just a part of life Gossip happens everywhere beetwen lovers, friends, and Co- workers. It just varys between the people and crowds you hang out with.

hoopmeh
I put almost all my purchases on my debit card, but when you're not paying close attention, those purchases add up fast! Here's what I do:
1. Take cash out for fast food each week. Quick meals are where I tend to waste the most money. Once the cash is gone, that's it.
2. Keep ALL receipts, and file them according to spending category. Then, at the end of each week, I put them in a spreadsheet to see how I'm doing.
3. If I'm going somewhere when I know I don't need to be spending any money, I leave my debit card at home.

charlotte
I think that's why celebrity gossip magazines are so popular. We don't have the high school cliques to gossip about, so the Hollywood group is our fuel for conversation.

LILA -- Los Angeles
Cooking a full meal (appetizers, entree, dessert) for her would be a very nice gesture -- shows you're putting a lot of thought into it. As far as other things to give, I like things that make me feel pretty such as a nice bottle of perfume, quality lingerie, etc. It might just be nice to cook her a meal and then follow it up with a massage with scented oils (eucalyptus, lavender). You'll definitely be taking care of her :)

wAnDeRiNgEyEs

I just got this great book for Christmas called, "The Cheap bastard's Guide to NYC" It gives you the ins/outs/whos/what and where's of how to do the 'NY' thing on a budget and/or for free. Mueseums, clubs, salons...it's all there. I've heard the book was also made for some other cities. I feel you though, good luck!


jenr87
I like the comment about sex not always being smooth. Because it's not. You can try and make it sexy and serious--just like every faux love scene in the movies, but it's just so impossible. A joke here and there actually makes me enjoy it more because I'm not trying to be super "perfect" in bed.

MorganC
Quality chocolate. I am such a sweet tooth. Never mind what they say about girls not wanting chocolate on Valentine's Day. I love a good box!!

Olivia -- Tucson

Yeah celebs are the grownup version of the popular kids in school. I guess gossip is a way for people to bond...


uptownbaby
this is really sweet. when i read some of the stories i couldn't help but think that there is no excuse for having a deadbeat boyfriend. this piece shows that there are guys out there who get it and we should not settle for anything less!

MorganC
It's so strange that I care so much. I was so disgusted to find out that there were bidding wars for the last recordings of her, and yet I know that I would probably be one of the ones searching for it on youtube. It is some sort of depressing fascination. And I always wonder, are we perpetuating this fascination or is it the media?

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Very nice article! The model is so cute and stylish! I love the dog too!
Karen

Betsy -- Torrance
I like to being taken on a fun little adventures. My boyfriend took me to Catalina Island one year and it was amazing! Another favorite--ice skating.

LisaMarie -- Scottsdale
This article is so useful. Now I know which fab updates will totally revamp my wordrobe. I especially love those red flats...where can I get those???

LisaMarie -- Scottsdale
My friends and I are having a fun girls gamenight...great ideas in this article!

MinnieSheila
Hosting a cocktail party is such a great idea. I did it one year (for my single and coupled friends) and it was a huge hit, and resulted in some hookups!

MinnieSheila
These are all so cute! My boyfriend shows he loves me with little things, like making me dinner when I've had a stressful day.

charlotte
I think it's us. We're the ones buying the magazines and going to the sights. They're providing a product that consumers and dying to get.

charlotte
It just sucks and there's nothing to do about it. If I was a designer, of COURSE I'd do whatever I could to put celebs in my clothing. That's how you get popular. Period. Giving some random girl in Iowa your designs just doesn't have the same effect.

MinnieSheila
Well, I love chocolate and food so those gifts make me happy but I think the most important thing is that you show her that you put thought and effort into whatever you give her or do for Valentines Day so she knows that you are thinking about her and want her to have a good holiday. It's really the thought that counts.

Judy01
Wow, this recipe sounds so good, and easy! Usually I'm way afraid of anything in the kitchen but I think I'll try this.

Judy01
I wish there was a cubicle cutie in my office, instead I have everyone else on the list.

kristart
I am going out to bars and celebrating the night with some single friends (and hopefully some single men!).

jenr87
I like tights, but I can't stand when people wear them as pants. Put them under something. Don't make them stand alone.

lexie
This sounds like fun! I didn't really think you could make your own personalized chocolate.

ladysilverwolf

He made me heartshaped pancakes for breakfast and then a little while later, he gave me ring with 10 diamonds. One for every month that we've been together.


Olivia -- Tucson

I don't think it even needs to be a gift. Just plan something unique and thoughtful for the two of you to do; that's a lot more meaningful that a random bouquet or box of chocolates.


Olivia -- Tucson

I love it! It's awesome being single and not having to worry about checking in with anyone, or worrying about bothering someone if you go out late with friend.


Olivia -- Tucson

Mmmm. You could probably use any type of berry - like a blueberry, too.


TinaVail -- Ojai
It was close to 40 years ago. We were walking on a winter day at the beach in the cold, wet sand.
He stopped and took a stick and
began writing in HUGH letters my first name. This was such a
spontaneous sweet thing to me. I still remember this from our time of first dating and being so new to each other.

SavvyFashionista
LisaMarie-- The red flats are from Via Spiga. Glad you liked them!

jfire81 -- Pleasanton
Great advice everyone, thanks.

kristart
I love oversized sunglasses and jeans tucked into boots! Just because guys don't like the look, doesn't mean women should have to change. My philosophy: dress for yourself, not to make him happy.

Betsy -- Torrance
It makes me feel that way too. Know that it's just one day & that you are way cooler than some silly holiday.

SavvyFashionista
I recommend a tent dress. Yes, the style sounds incredibly unflattering, but really, it gives you some extra room when it’s that time of month, without making you feel dreary and dowdy. Kate Bosworth wore a great one at the Superman Returns Paris premier.

Check it out at: http://www.celebritywonder.com/picture/Kate_Bosworth/KateBosworth_Barson_9425180.html


BarbaraCarey -- Orinda

I know exactly how you feel. Have you ever noticed how similar tampon boxes look to other medicines in the same aisle. I'm not sick - I just have my period. That's actually why I created a new line of products - you may have heard of them. Ditties are made for fun, fabulous women and come in boxes you can be proud to bring up to the grocery check-out. I now sell them on-line at www.dittie.com - so you can avoid that "walk of shame" to the check-out counter. Hope this helps!


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Generally guys have no fashion sense. If it was up to my bf I'd be wearing miniskirts and lowcut t-shirts every day. Let's leave it to the women to make the fashion choices. Baggy shirts=cute. Big sunglasses=cute. Low cut t-shirts and short skirts=slutty.

MorganC
I try to keep really busy and have people around me at all times because I have serious alone issues. It has been a really big step to actually tell somebody about it. Vocalizing my troubles has helped me realize my denial and helped me actually start doing something about it.

Rcnqueen
Readers please be aware that you cannot use DIY tax software. I work for the number one self tax preparation software on the market for the past several years. You need to purchase a new product year to year do to changes in the forms themselves and the tax laws. DIY tax software is also an excellent tool for financial planning your future based on current tax year situation. It can help you do things like find ways to increase your savings for retirement and your future tax deductions or adjust your W-4 so you hold on to more of your money through the year instead of letting the IRS earn interest on it. If you also use a budget program like Quicken to manage you finances you can import your information into the tax software saving you additional time, and ladies we all know that when we save time. . . we save MONEY!

Rcnqueen
Readers please be aware that you cannot use DIY tax software year after year. I work for the number one self tax preparation software on the market for the past several years. You need to purchase a new product year to year do to changes in the forms themselves and the tax laws. DIY tax software is also an excellent tool for financial planning your future based on current tax year situation. It can help you do things like find ways to increase your savings for retirement and your future tax deductions or adjust your W-4 so you hold on to more of your money through the year instead of letting the IRS earn interest on it. If you also use a budget program like Quicken to manage you finances you can import your information into the tax software saving you additional time, and ladies we all know that when we save time. . . we save MONEY!

charlotte
I don't think it matters whether you're a celebrity or not. The success rate for people that enter rehab is something like 7% from the best facilities.

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
What a great idea! I hope to try it the next time I am somewhere new.
I loved the writers style!

krissi_14@hotmail.com
I agree. Totally not the show I adore. And really, to kill the main character - so unbelievable. I spent the whole time annoyed by how long it was taking to revive her, not scared out of my mind that she might die.

bella -- ojai
Hilary Clinton is polarizing and she is a women. Normally I probably would not vote for her, but these don't seem to me to be normal times. Our foreign image has been ruined by the Bush administration. War and imperialist occupation is not the answer. Mrs. Clinton could repair that and give the rest of the world a new view of America. Perhaps it is time for a women to be the President. I don't think the men have done a very good job. It's time for a thoughtful shift in the way our government views the rest of the world. It's time we actually quit being imperialists and started to help, in a meaningful way, the people of less developed countries. It's really one world. I hope Hilary can do that. But it's early in the campaign and I may change my mind...a few times. As a side note maybe it's time to have someone other than a Clinton or a Bush in the White House. Those two familes have 20 years between them. Truthfully all these politicians give me a headache!

leisle -- Westwood
It was so annoying. I love Grey's and so does every other female in the universe. So why they felt like they had to resort to a over-used plot stunt is beyond me. Not okay.

kmcknight_21@yahoo.com

The incodent recently with Brittaney Spears, I think, is all for plublicity. She figured since she took a break and had children and gained weight she wouldnt get good exposure so she wanted to make a huge comeback by going into rehab for a DAY, and then shaving her head completely bold. In my opion, no rehad works for celebritys, if you hear most of them that do go last only days, week, or months.


kmcknight_21@yahoo.com

well if the Myspace is set on "PRIVATE" no one is able to look at their Myspace unless that person is on their friend list.


krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Thank you for sharing your story. I have met you and I am so impressed with your strength! You are a beautiful person. I wish the best for you!
A friend!

Amber -- San Diego

I agree with the above post. Thank you for sharing your story!


SarahL -- Los Angeles
Did anyone else notice Rachel Weisz dress? It was gorgeous -- kind of a tan color but I loved the jeweled pin that was at the top of it. Her necklace though was too much.

lexie
I LOVED Nicole Kidman's gown. She pulled off the big red bow like no other Hollywood actress can. She's such a fashion icon. And I loved the red!

Oh! And I agree. Rachel Weisz's dress was beautiful. She has such a regal, classic look.

MorganC
Reese was gorgous. I loved her navy/purple dress and how it got lighter as it tierd down. Great choice Reese.

ZoeWoods -- Saint John
What about Doc's? Thats my style for everything.

lily -- Los Angeles
I wasn't too crazy about Penelope's gown. She did look beautiful, but it was a little too much pouf for me.

RaquelRoad
Ha Ha. I worry about this all the time. How are you supposed to know if no one tells you?

MorganC

MorganC
My best friend has had an eating disorder for at least four years and she doesn't seem to be improving. I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I think she should get serious help but I'm not sure if it's my place to step in. How can I tell her without pushing her away?

LS -- New York City
THANK YOU FOR THIS STORY. I can relate to soooo many things that Lindsay said. I'm a people pleaser to a fault, and I love when people say i look too skinny. When people tell me I look healthy, I take it as an insult and it motivates me to diet or work out more. Also, I have the "radar" and can spot someone with eating problems a mile away. Though i don't have full blown anorexia, I have definite food issues. Thanks for the reminder of how scary it could be if I let them get the best of me.
LS

nicole007 -- San Diego
Reece was GORGEOUS -- breakup=good. But what was up with Kirsten Dunst? It just seemed like she threw her hair in a ponytail, slapped on some bright red lipstick and this dress that had internal conflicts of its own---was it a school girl dress with that collar, was it vintage? Note to Kirsten--find a new stylist!

TinaVail -- Ojai
There is a book by Marion Woodman called Addicted to
Perfection that might be helpful
to anyone suffering from an
eating disorder.
Thank you SavvyMiss for getting
this article out. It helps us all
to be informed about this...and
thank you Lindsey for your courage to speak.

babyallie -- West Hollywood

Lindsay, you are amazing. I am so proud of you. I've known people very close to me with these issues, and it always helps to hear inspirational stories about how people can get better. You are awesome and BEAUTIFUL especially when you're all dressed up and sexy at the Falcon with me!

hope to see you soon pretty girl.
xo


MonikaR
This was a great article. I really enjoyed reading it. Not only did was it somehthing I can totally relate to, but it gave me helpful suggestions of what to do in the future! THank you savvymiss!

Olivia -- Tucson

It's so true! I have so many friends that are afraid to really let go in bed because they're worried about what they look like.


Olivia -- Tucson

Yeah I'm 23 and a college grad, but people alway think I'm in high school. And when did it become OK to ask "How old are you?!" It's rude and none of your business.


Olivia -- Tucson

Oh my gosh Kathleen was SO funny when she was talking about anti-fur. "I'm anti-fur, which means, like, I hate fur." Classic!


Olivia -- Tucson

It's so inspiring to see a a noncelebrity featured in a magazine. I can relate to it a lot more. Lindsay - your story really shows that being anorexic is not as glamorous as the tabloids (Nicole and Mary-Kate, anyone?) make it out to be. I'm forwarding this to all my friends. Thank you!!


lily -- Los Angeles
Most celebs (not all, but most) are extremly self-centered. In those facilities you have to surrender yourself and stop worrying about your reputation, your image, and your contacts. Most celebrities can't do this so they fail. Miserably.

lily -- Los Angeles
I loved how Natasha said, "I think I look different than the other girls. I pretty." --Also classic.

RamblinLiz
I've experienced a significant decrease in sex drive with every form of the pill I've tried - but everyone thought I was nuts (including my doctor). In short, thanks for the great article. I always love the feeling of finding out that I'm not crazy.

charlotte
Top Model's ridiculous. Doesn't anyone watch the news anymore?

anjta
I am under the impression that when you find something in your mouth that ought not to be there you pretend you're going to wipe your mouth and remove it in the napkin. There's a wonderful (true) stroy of a man who ate a caterpillar on the lettuce so as not to embarrass the hostess - she saw him and left him a hefty sum of money in her will.

AbsoluteLM
Alex, please start a blog with similar ponderings so I can have another way to laugh my ass off at work each day.

That would be cute as a booby.

melaniebernal
I like that this article touches on issues of women's sexual needs. There can be millions of reasons why women don't get enough foreplay from their partners. One reason could be that male-female sexual relations are often informed by a historically mysogonyst way of thinking that believs that men are the active participants of sex while women remain the passive. That is one way that might cause a man to overlook a women's sexual needs, and soley satisfying his own. It is the same thinking that has told women that they don't have the right to ask this from their partners. I think that everyone and their partners (be they long term or one night things) have a responsibility to each other: to help eachother know your needs, to be respectful of those needs, and for both parties to be in a constant communication about what makes them feel good/feel happy/feel respected. Thank you for pointing this out, Shauna Billings (author of article).

I do take issue with this article. It's heteronormative, meaning that your article assumes that all women having sex are having that sex with men. The whole article suggests this, but espescially that repugnant choice of words, that "the vagina isn’t lubricated, causing uncomfortable heat and friction as it is penetrated." Why does sex necessarily involve penetration? And why that word penetration? Please focus on more inclusive, less violent langauge and move toward language that places both partners on equal footing.

summer-girl
I agree. I've been before and it's not that great. They have cookie toppings that I've tried to add to make it more like a dessert, but it tasted funny. Not a fan.

Olivia -- Tucson

I don't think things will ever change either. The designers claim they use skinny models because they just want the clothes to hang on them, but wouldn't really great clothes flatter real bodies? It's their flaws and laziness as designers that will keep this trend going forever.


brownhairbabe
It is so true that designers are not motivated to change the situation. Did anyone see the episode of project runway where they had to design for "normal" women? None of them knew what to do, they'd never been taught how to make clothes beyond a size two! The only way things will change is if people make a conscious effort to stop buying the clothes from designers who use skinny models.

lexie
I love it! What are you guys talking about? The fresh fruit and tart taste is amaaaazing! So refreshing.

kristart
I can't handle when a guy says "don't worry about it." I'm not worrying. It's condescending.

kristart
I hate that on shows like Top Model, many of the other contestents see the plus size models as not dedicated enough. It's like, if they're not starving themselves, they must not want it. I think it's sad that people think this way.

MorganC
I agree. Boobie is an odd, but strangely cute word.

Cristy
I went to high school with one of the girls in Cycle 3, Norelle Van Herk, and I found it interesting how quickly some people can change for TV. As I remember her, she wasn't so girly as she seemed on the show. Makes you wonder why one would feel the need to change themselves for a "reality" show.

Cristy
Pinkberry has a cuter name, but personally, Golden Spoon frozen yogurt gets my vote. They have sweet "froyo" and a million yummy toppings to pick from! On top of it all, the yogurt is non-fat :)

RaquelRoad
I love golden spoon! Non-fat and sweet. It's ideal really. Their peanut butter flavor is sooo good. I also really like Penguins and Angelinas. Those are my top 3.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Pinkberry and Golden Spoon are both way overrated. They overcharge and they aren't that great. I like more local fro-yo places that are cheaper, have more fun flavors and sugar-free fro-yos.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Guys that play video games like they're a sport.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
He's probably just scared too. People are raised differently - and for some saying it is a really big thing. I'd just pay attention to how he treats you becuase that's really what love is. If it's the real thing the words will come eventually.

mandoir
Despite the validity of saying that many designers don't wish to create clothes above a size two, I question the knee-jerk categorization of the women on that particular Proj.Run. challenge "normal." Some of them were clearly and unhealthily overweight, which presents a different shape entirely. Even if women don't starve themselves to be model thin, most fit and healthy bodies fall into a range in which it is easier to conceive of a clothing design. Many of the mothers and women who were asked to participate in the challenge, however, were borderline obese.

mandoir
Golden Spoon isn't overpriced.

wbmeyer -- Sacramento
A guy who can't spell. A guy who gets cranky when his life story doesn't win the "Feel Sorry for Me" award; a guy who immediately lets you know he has major trust issues because he's scarred from his last relationship; in other words, a guy who's too darned complicated!

MinnieSheila
I agree, the vaccine should be mandatory. Because even if it is, parents will still have the option to opt out by getting a waiver. So this way the people who are really against it can not protect their kids from cancer, but everyone else can.

Cristy
Sure, women make some fashion mistakes now and again but it's all in an effort to be creative, fun, etc. But none of our faux pas will ever compare to the trend that made me greatful I'm a girl - the halfway-down-your-butt baggy pant style that showcases to the world your happy face Joe Boxers, or worse, your tighty whiteys. It has never gone away! What were you (and STILL are) thinking??

leisle -- Westwood
I had no idea that you get a rebate for owning a hybrid. Good to know...

krnfirestone -- Pleasanton
Very good advice! Once again this writer knows her stuff!

galaxygirl24 -- Rome
the big sun glasses make a large face look a bit smaller, in my opinion. it is all about balance, and what appeals to the eye. if your face is tiny already, than you may not have to wear the HUGE glasses.

Olivia -- Tucson

It's so ridiculous that people are turning a cancer-preventing vaccine into a political issue. Does getting a rabies vaccine make kids want to go play with rabies-infested animals? Come on...


lexie
This kills me! hahaha

“I’m a perfectist and never forget details.”



MorganC
I like the analogy. I can see why parents don't want to promote promiscuity, but I just don't think that this is a strong enough argument. It's cancer were talking about here. How could you not want your daughter to be protected from a life threatening disease?

MorganC
I get lipstick on my teeth all the time! No one ever tells me, and I have a big smile, so it's pretty obvious. People need to speak up. I would rather know and feel embarrassed for a second, than be embarrassed for the entire night.

LisaMarie -- Scottsdale
What awesome ideas...I checked these sites and they provide so many creative options. Thanks for the latest fashion info Savvy Miss!!!

bgeorgopulos@aidforwomen.org
My dermotolgist also told me to use shampoo that doesn't have any perfume/frangrance in it. This really dries out your hair. They are pretty hard to come by, but there's a company called Free & Clear. My hair has never been this healthy & shiny in my life.

jessielady
I believe for the first date each person should pay for his or her own half of the meal. I usually won't let a guy pay for my meal because I want to show that I can take care of myself.

secondfloorgirl
One of my guy friends in college would swoon for girls with short hair. He thought seeing a girl's neck could be very sexy. Some women with long hair would be better off chopping it off - if you're not going to tame that mane, why keep it?

Shari
Great ideas! The blond model is beautiful! Who is she?

What kind of dog is with the model?

dani03
Leaks?! I am so sorry! I haven't had to worry about leaks since I bought my menstrual cup-which is not some obscure hippie product. The main brands in the US are DivaCup and Mooncup. I don't have to even think about my period, I only remove the blood when I wake up and when I go to sleep. If only more women knew about this...Please email me at pinkstar6@verizon.net

dani03
Don't buy tampons. Buy a menstrual cup - Divacup or Mooncup. No, this isn't an obscure hippie product. It's a Godsend. Email me at pinkstar6@verizon.net

jenr87
I hate this too!!! Speak up people.

charlotte
I'd never even heard of these sites! I'm going to try them out now. Thanks for the information.

Firebird -- Delano

I've been a prison guard for almost 4 years. It never ceases to amaze me how the inmates manipulate the women who write to them. And they DO "cheat", so to speak, most of them are writing to more than one woman at a time and orchestrate their visits so that they aren't found out. In my opinion, most inmates have dedicated their lives to using, manipulating, and harming good people because they are predators who perceive kindness as a weakness to be exploited. I would be absolutely sick if my sister or best friend "fell in love" with an inmate.


CrystalA.
I will keep my last name...with no disrespect to my husband. I am proud of who I am, and where I came from. I don't believe a woman should have to give up her identity. It would also be easier for my career. I'm just happy with who I am!

nicole007 -- San Diego
wow. i had no idea how serious and rampant HPV was/is. i definitely want the opportunity to guard myself against it.

kristart
I never want to go to the gyno. I always put off making appointments and reschedule when something else comes up. It really is clear, though, that this is not an issue that should be taken lightly. I need to get checked out.

nicole007 -- San Diego
I don't know if I'll take my husband's last name or not (if I even get married). But years ago I wouldn't even go on a date with someone who had a bad last name just because I didn't want my name to end up being Nicole Hornswaggle or something. If that was the case and the man of my dreams had a real crappy last name I definitely would not take it!

MsApril -- Madison
I'm all about equality and independence but this is tradition. I think it's rude NOT to take his family name. I'm engaged now and could not look my fiance's family in the eye if I didn't -- it's like having one foot out the door.

charlotte
I always think this too. I think I feel like I'm multitasking if I bring along some reading to the gym. It also makes my workout go by faster if I can just mindlessly do it instead while reading a fun mag.

charlotte
Yeah, same goes for if you have food in your teeth. It's the worst feeling ever to come home and look in the mirror and realize it's been there for hours.

lily -- Los Angeles
It makes me really sad to think that my last name won't be carried on. I like it and I think someone else should have it too. I'm not sure what's going to happen when the time comes because I don't think my boyfriend would care if I kept my name.

lexie
I like to go to the gym because it motivates me more. I go straight after work, and I know that once I get there, I am going to work out. If I decide to drive home and then go for a run, chances are I'll end up just staying in and watching TV. I figure I'd rather work out at the gym then not at all!

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Are there any particular products with these ingredients that people recommend?

KatherineAlvarez -- Manila
I'm so happy because I was thinking about making my own creation & a boutique. For those who are more creative & stylish that the market can't satisfy, making your own stuff is a great idea.

JaeRae -- South
I think it should be up to the woman, but for me, personally, I would not... I am a single mother and my son has my last name - I love the fact that he will carry on my family last name! Besides, marriage is very overrated these days; I've been with my sweetie for almost 8-years, no rush to get married and I don't need a piece of paper to validate my love; but I do like the idea of a celebration (wedding) and a fat diamong ring!

SavvyBeautyEditor
Here are some products with these ingredients: MD Skincare Vitamin C Gel, Dermalogica Multivitamin Power Exfoliant and Dermalogica Skin Renewal Booster. Thanks for asking!

charlotte
I think that's the most frustrating thing - there's nothing we can do to stop it. Whether we like it or not, there are bombs being dropped, guns being shot, and people (Americans and non-Americans) being killed - in the name of the United States. Dems in Congress need to take control and get us out of there. They finally have the power; they HAVE to do whatever it takes.

kristart
Yes!!! If sexy can be brought back, so can the outdoors.

secondfloorgirl
I LOVE my last name! If I get married, I would want him to consider taking my name, and I would consider hyphenating, but there's no way I'd ditch it completely. I can appreciate tradition, but my heritage is really important, and any guy I would consider marrying wouldn't have a problem with that :)

secondfloorgirl
One service area not mentioned - ski instructors. Parents should be ready to tip if they know their child is difficult, the child took multiple days of lessons with the same instructor, is a beginner or very advanced, or the instructor really put in extra time or effort. As little as $5 is perfectly acceptable for a day's lesson. If your child is in lessons every week all season, a larger amount or a gift is appropriate.

jenr87
I think it's all about ego. The President can't admit that it was a mistake, so he thinks that if we stay and keep fighting, perhaps some good will come out of it. That will not happen. Thousands died in vain, and more will continue to die in vain if we stay.

Olivia -- Tucson

If they found a way to give college students discounted birth control options before, they should definitely keep doing it. Why should we make it more difficult for college students to be safe? Oh yeah because we spend all our money on guns and bombs.


bgeorgopulos@aidforwomen.org
There is no such thing as "safe sex." Plus, maybe if girls start paying attention to lecture material instead of the boy next to them in class, they might have a better chance of maintaining their college careers.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Most active, outdoor activities make great cheap dates. I love going hiking with my bf, and running on pretty trails or the beach is fun too. Plus, you kill two birds with one stone: your workout and your boyfriend time.

lavidadulce
In response to the first comment: I know women have traditionally been an easy target over the years, and I'm not sure that women's attention to men (eg. girls paying attention to the boy next to them in class) contributes more to pregnancy rates more than men's attention to women, as you stipulated. It's definitely a joint effort, 50-50. Let's also realize that no matter the policy, people will ALWAYS have sex, and we're faced with a decision to make it safer by making birth control more affordable. It's contrary to logic to take away that lower cost, considering the things we can't change. I believe this was the point of this blog.

abby
This is an amazing article about an inpiring woman. I always loved watching Lisa Ling on The View and it is exciting to know that she has moved on to such important work, helping women and children who need it most.

kristart
I totally agree. It's really hypocritical because the magazines can choose which ads they want to print. Also, I think we have have become so numb to these ads, that we don't even see them as a big deal. If you put non-models in this picture, it's gang rape. Just because they are beautiful, doesn't mean it's okay. They are sending a horrible message and it has become normalcy.

leisle -- Westwood
I love to go to the tide pools with my boyfriend. It's exciting because you never know what you're going to find. Plus, we are both beachy people, so it's the perfect cheap date!

Betsy -- Torrance
Lisa Ling is such an outstanding role model for all women, especially at a time when America really needs positive women to look up to. She's doing such great things--thank you for bringing her work to our attention.

Carolanne -- Los Angeles
What an inspiring article for women everywhere! As a woman going through a career change, Lisa Ling's comments about pursuing what makes you happy and getting out of situations where you're perpetually unhappy really hit home for me.

Melissa78417 -- Corpus Christi
Great article! I've been watching Lisa Ling since she was on Channel One. To be a young woman and accomplish all that she has...it's an inspiration and she's a true role model.

brownhairbabe
I think that hooking up can be a good or bad thing depending on why the girl is doing it. If she's doing it to validate herself or to make a guy like her, then obviously that would be damaging. But if she truly wants to do it and is happy with herself then I don't see how it's damaging. Sure the guy will probably not pursue anything long-term with someone who has sex with them right away, but if a girl doesn't want a relationship then why should she have to give up sex too?

Olivia -- Tucson

Come on! The woman who wrote this book is obviously old-fashioned, encouraging young women to only pursue "serious" relationships if they want to be happy. Newsflash: Women can do more in the world than just get married and pop out babies.


GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Yeah does she expect us to stay virgins until we get married?

lexie
It is definitely a double standard. Men are encouraged to "sew their seeds" or whatever the phrase is, but when a woman goes out and hooks up, it's automatically considered "slutty." We HAVE moved away from the 1950s, and I think it's an incredibly powerful thing for a women to be able to feel comfortable hooking up. I do agree with what "brownhairbabe" said about hooking up for validation, and how this is not okay, but women too should have the right to see what's out there, and find a partner that is a match emotionally and sexually.

NadsV
This was a great article! Though I always enjoyed Lisa Ling's commentary on The View, I was unaware of her commitment to empowering women worldwide. I will definitely watch her new series on Oxygen! Thanks Savvy Miss!

galaxygirl24 -- Rome
if you have warts on your hands or feet, you have a type of HPV.

lexie
I love the combination of my first and last name. It has such a ring to it. I am definitely considering keeping it.

lily -- Los Angeles
Okay, so the love story in Clueless is a bit silly, but really it will never get old. "I love Josh!"

lily -- Los Angeles
I agree. If she "feels the pressure," what should us normal girls think?

axcar
Impressive interview. Great job! Lisa Ling truly is a champion for women and children. I would like to see help for children who are left alone because the Mom(single parent) has to work two jobs to make ends meet.

lexie
I think it's great that Halle Berry spoke out. Obviously she realizes that it was a mistake, and she's super happy now. Halle is in the spotlight and has "the power" to help others learn from her mistakes. On a different note, I don't think that being "funky" is such a bad thing. I've always thought that funky means being unique, different, original. People should be encouraged to be funky.

lexie
It's true. People will always have sex. Now with the price hikes they are just going to be increasing the amount of teen pregnancies and "punishing" those who have sex at an early age. It's the same thing with those who are afraid of mandating the HPV vaccination. They think they are trying to discourage sex, but really they are just punishing the people who do have it.

SavvyFashionista
The blond model is Allison, an editor here at Savvy Miss. The dog featured in this article is her Yorktese named Oliver. He's our office manager.

Leslie-SavvyTeam
I think we all have those thoughts. Congratulations on turning things around and helping women learn to think positively about themselves.

foxabigail -- Block Island
I enjoyed this article and I appreciate the offbeat topics you tackle. This is a real tough one. I would advise that no matter how great you think the guy is, if you can't really see yourself in his city or state without him, then I wouldn't make the move. You have to see yourself getting along there as much as you see yourself there with him. But that's probably not very romantic. The other issue is: how long does your true love planning on living there? If he's not really at "home," maybe it's not worth the bother. Oh dear; that's even less romantic. Well, those are my thoughts, b/c I'm grappling with that same issue.

kristart
I think number four is crucial. A good kiss is underrated.

nhibber
I am so impressed with Lisa Ling. She continues to do such amazing things for women and children. She epitomizes the importance of doing work that one is passionate about instead of a high profile celebrity-like job, like the View. Thanks for interviewing such an inspiring and amazing individual

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Interesting that she chose to make this announcement right as her new movie is coming out.

GoldenAfternoon -- San Francisco
Yes...my personal favorite: Beauty and the Geek. Because god knows a beauty would never be intelligent and a smart person would never be good looking.

lexie
yummmm....

jenr87
I think it is fantastic to hear his point of view. So many of my friends in science feel like they can't believe in God because they are studying the opposite teachings. I don't think this has to be the case. You can believe in God or not, no matter what you study. If anything, it's refreshing to hear a new point of view.

Betsy -- Torrance
Yeah...I hate that if you are into fashion, you're automatically assumed to be an unintelligent girly girl who spends her time at the mall. So maybe shopping is one of my hobbies, but it doesn't mean we can't like other things too. I love the outdoors.
And beauty and the geek is horrible. It's like, she's pretty so obviously she's a complete ditz.

jenr87
I think Holly brings up a good issue. Some guys make it known that they are being heavily pursued and that you are "lucky" he chose you. And this isn't right. He should be so lucky to have you. If he's holding it over your head then you should definitely move on!

lily -- Los Angeles
Ha! This is sooo Kendra. Maybe it's not the most "mature" way to handle the scenario, but sometimes getting even feels so good.

Betsy -- Torrance
"One thing you should keep in mind is that everybody, even the most beautiful of women, goes through times of insecurity." I completely agree with this statement. Even the women you know who seem to have everything "pulled together" most likely have a ton of insecurities they are keeping hidden. We all have them, but just some women keep them more private than others...

kristart
You're right. It feels so good to get even. I know it's juvenile, but dressing up and making him feel like HE might lose you, is the perfect way to make him see how it feels. Wrong but fun!

MinnieSheila
Holly makes a good point, if you don't have any of your own interests than it's easy to get really caught up in whatever your boyfriend is doing. By having your own hobbies and things to do you won't spend so much time worrying about what he's doing.

brownhairbabe
LOL, I don't know if getting even is the best idea but it sure would make this guy think twice. If he is throwing it in her face how many hot girls like him then she should show him just how hot she is too!

summer-girl
I would never want a potential boyfriend to be calling other women all the time. Even if they are "just friends." If he has the "ladies" on the side, most likely he is keeping them around until he gets sick of you. Sad but true. Instead of making him feel jealous, you should just get rid of him all together. It seems like if you tried "getting even," you would just be stooping to his level. And women are better than that.

SarahL -- Los Angeles
It's so nice to hear that even playboy girls can feel insecure sometimes--I know I do all the time! But Bridget is right, we need to remind ourselves that obviously we have a lot of great qualities, otherwise our men wouldn't be with us in the first place!

SarahL -- Los Angeles
Great advice girls! Even if I'm not around models much I can totally relate to feeling insecure when my boyfriend is around other women, but you've definitely help me put things in perspective.

MorganC
This just happened to me the other day. I was at a celebration dinner for my friend and and four of us decided to split this REALLY expensive pitcher of Pimms. I know I couldn't afford it, but I gave in. Then, when we went to divide up the cost, and I realized that the friend of honor wasn't going to be paying because this was her night. Then one of the other girls decided--I only had a sip so I don't think I should pay. I ended up spending like 30 bucks for this stupid drink. And it's not like everyone signed a contract you can hold them to.

MorganC
My boyfriend also has a job where he works one-on-one with women. If I ask him, he will empirically tell me who he thinks is attractive. Honestly, I don't know why I even ask because it makes me feel insecure. It's good to know other women feel this way...even The Girls Next Door. Thanks!

MorganC
I do tune out when I'm driving in the car. Interesting tips.

lexie
I think if I became a vegetarian, I would eat like Corry and gorge on bread, potatoes and pasta: three of my favorite foods ever. I would eat a carb-only diet and not get 3/4ths of the nutrients I need. So it's not an option.

Olivia -- Tucson

I love the girls next door!


nat -- East Patchogue
I have to confess I am a mom, and I have alot of issues with this article. I understand that not everyone is ready for parenthood. I wasn't ready for it either. I have 3 children and in some aspects I am still not ready for it. But, to me this article is just going to scare woman who are on the fence about having kids.
I mean Risa didn't say anything positive about having kids until the 2nd to last question. I am no advocate of abortion at all, but I was left with the question if you are so adverse to having children, why did you have one. At one point she sounded almost allergic to them. She took great strides to spell out all the cons, and suffering. And believe me there are cons, and plenty of suffering. Like when your 4 year old get's you pulled over by the police for mooning the cop behind you. Then proceeds to scream "please don't arrest my mommy!" No, I didn't get a ticket, the cop let me go, fighting back laughter. These moments exsist yes, but they are the colorful moments that make life worth while. As much as there are con's there are wonderful moments too. Like hearing "Mama" for the first time, seeing their first steps, and I for one loved being pregnant. I loved and love every part of having my children. I also don't consider myself "one of those mom's". I work, and everything. I just feel that Risa is going out of her way to paint children as a bad experience. And I am left with feeling the need to put a positive spin on it, because for alot of us we find being a parent an enjoyable, and positive experience.

Bolos3
Without sampling what life has to offer than how can you make an educated decision on what you'd choose for the rest of your life? Maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if we took the time to find out what it is we really want, and to do that you have to find out what it is you DON'T want.

Women are fully capable of deciding what's good, bad, and indifferent for themselves.




summer-girl
I've heard of this and it sounds horrible. I actually saw the recipe posted on the internet. It's aweful that people are publishing it and encouraging this unhealthy diet.

cannonbose -- Portsmouth

Being a guy, I really appreciate a well dressed women, even if the gal is thick or thin. The quickest turn-off to me though is seeing the mid-section pudge. This is the quickest way to tell others that you don't take care of yourself.


kristart
I know what you mean. One day I lost my wallet and screwed up royally at work. Arg. Sometimes luck is just not on your side.

Betsy -- Torrance
Ewwww. Don't do it. I had a friend that tried it and she said her digestive system was all messed up and she was grumpy the whole time. Not okay.....

kristart
What does this mean:
16%—Say it depends on your definition of cheating

Is there confusion about what cheating means? I think kissing and anything more constitutes as cheating, but I know some couples who consider just sex cheating.

MinnieSheila
Prayer, seriously? That is so ridiculous, how dumb are those people?

LILA -- Los Angeles
How sad is it that 31% feel "eh" when it comes to sexual satisfaction...unacceptable...

steffi
In the hustle and bustle of our fast-paced lives, it is too easy to forget or simply just not be aware of what misfortune exists among us. It is refreshing to see Lisa, from our generation, empower herself and then share with us knowledge gained from taking the time to look underneath the surface.

charlotte
This makes me so mad! First of all, magazines should NOT print information about diets like this - it just shows they care more about sensational stories and sales than the health of their readers. Second of all, come on - do you really think you're going to keep the weight off after you return to normal food? It's not even a long term solution. Go to the gym!

lexie
I was the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding and my parents weren't invited to the ceremony. Isn't it tradition for the parents of the maid of honor to get invited?

Cristy
I can definitely relate to both points of view on dating older men. I have been dating a man 16 years my senior for almost 3 years now and there are definitely both pros and cons to our relationship. Naturally he has more relationship experience than I do, which is one of my biggest emotional obstacles with him. I have a difficult time getting over his past serious relationships, especially with the woman he almost married before me. He's just had more experience with other women than I like to think about - maybe I'm insecure? On the other hand, he is much more mature and sure of himself than anyone my own age. He knows what he wants in a relationship and keeps ours grounded. I'm a litte concerned about the future to come - he's so set in his way of life while I'm still trying to figure out my own. I think it's essentially an issue of security/predictability versus independence/instability.

Gwynda

Actually I've tried this before. It annoys me that diets like this have been around for sometime now and then "voila" Hollywood starts using it as a "new" trend. *slaps forehead*

I read it in a womens health book a few years back, but it warned that it should only be done for one week. I tried it, didn't taste too shabby. But when I read the book, it wasn't said to be used as a 'diet'. It was said to be used as a cleanser for your system of toxins. (which is very different). By the third day I was ready to strangle it but the fact that it's liquid made it a tad difficult. I decided not to do the seventh day. I lost six pounds, and it did make my body feel better, but I can say definately that the feeling better was in the next week when I resumed my normal eating habits. My digestive system even felt cleaner and after all that pepper my stomach could take on the world!

But I'm with you, to the gym I go and if I need to cut out ice-cream or watch food portions then so be it. But like I said, I did this for health reasons, not 'diet' reasons. And I think that for diet reasons this could result in health issues.


Gwynda -- Vancouver

Haha, heck ya. And girl you got my sympathies! *hands over jacket* ;)

But I admit, I seldom have "bad-luck" days. And when they do happen I take it as a sign from God to take some time off ;)

Seriously!- I say to myself:
"Gwynda, you are a strong confident woman. You don't get angry. You count to ten. You don't feel like taking your keyboard to the back of that interns head, you'll count instead." And then as I nervously count, I give myself 10seconds to get in a child-free, very much adult place so I can curse like a sailor during a squall. =) And I take off, buy a coffee, get a date with "Ben & Jerry" (ye the ice cream) and go home and watch a movie. Or maybe head off to the bookstore. If I'm in a situation where I can't just "take-off", I make a promise to myself that lets say this weekend I'm going to do extra extra self care and pamper myself.

But I'm really sorry to hear things suck. Feel better soon!


Gwynda -- Vancouver

Aye*
Agreed with both you and Kristart!


Gwynda -- Vancouver

Ugh! Completely annoying!
I also feel bad for intelligent women who are exposed to things like this and never feel like they can make themselves beautiful. Or beautiful women who feel they could never be intelligent. It frustrates me that society has purposefully hidden all qualities of a woman and painted a false illusion on what attribute "makes a woman". I could scream down the system for depriving me of my potential while growing up. And even now, I find that 90% of men who have tried to pick me up in the past are suddenly repulsed by the fact that I'm a physics and intense history lover. It's just like "Grow up already!" they still have this image in their mind of "barefoot and pregnant" and "only good for one thing". Makes me sad and I sincerely hope that if I ever have children that they won't enforce this ideal.

(Oh, and I agree with the other two who posted ;) )


Gwynda -- Vancouver

I talked to one of my friends about it and she told me that it felt awkward to tell me that I was embarrassing myself (makeup smudge!) So we developed a very silent, but effective code. We make direct eye contact and even tilt the head just a centimeter and then briskly but subtly take two fingers and touch the part of our face mirroring where the smudge or lipstick or food is on our friends. It's quiet which is nice and discreet so if you're in front of people no one notices unless their female mind readers!

For makeup I tried Eastern makeup like the brand "Kohl" or the not so eastern "Marcelle" and I found they smudged less. Kohl was easier to give smoky effect and cheaper than average eyeliner but doesn't seem to smudge on my throughout the day.

Hope that helped!


Gwynda -- Vancouver

I find dark khaki cargos with a long slimming blouse or shirt is pretty comfortable. I'm such a sweater person though so for me it's only the bottoms I worry about. I found wearing "period underwear" worked great, but in the winter I found getting cold was such a hassle and my bottom would always get cold first (which was no help to my painful periods), so I put on a pair of well fitted womens boxers over top of my underwear. It kept my bottom warm, some extra "comfy" padding for my cushion and not to mention kept my pad close to my body without those annoying elastic bands poking into my bloated belly. While wearing jeans or cargos these extra "under additions" weren't noticeable. Maybe also try buying some "wing-less" panty liners and putting two side by side just where your pad ends situated vertically. It should help with any leaks and prevent them from getting through to surface layers. I found this most helpful in sports or fitness training, and not to mention sleep!

Good-luck!


ladysilverwolf

Guys that are afraid to be honest about their feelings. Like if they are crying and blame it on allergies or having something in their eye just doesn't cut it for me. If a man wants my heart, he'll have to be man enough to admit his sensitivity.


lexie
Thanks Gwynda. You are so right about just taking the time to pamper yourself after a bad day like that. I went home and had a glass of wine and watched some bad (but oh-so-fun) television. And then walked to Baskin Robbins. Nothing lifts your spirit more than ice cream.

brownhairbabe
I've had days like that. I remember one when I was in college where I forgot to bring a paper to turn in for one class, had a pop quiz in another and when I got to my car there was a parking ticket. And of course, I was also on my period. What a day!

kristart
I love magnolia bakery!!! Their cupcakes are dreamy.

lexie
These are great ideas! What a fun theme for a party. You're helping the earth and getting to partake in tasty cupcakes. I definitely want to try it out!

Artsycat43
I just broke-up with an ex-con. When I look back at the relationship I ask myself "What was I thinking?" I dated him for four months. He had been in and out of prison for most of his life, lived with his mother (claiming he was living there to assist her), had a horrible history of assault/battery which he did not tell me until later after he grabbed me and pushed me on my sofa. In addition I had to call the cops on him twice for threatening me and going into jealous rages over imaginary things. He kept claiming he loved me so much and we were meant to be together. I was beginning to care for him and in the beginning we had a great time. The sex was totally great and passionate, which also made it difficult to leave! I hate to admit that.

He also was extremely narcissistic, always late, talking about how women were always after him in the streets etc. He never worked more than two days a week at odd jobs. I assume because of his record that he couln't be hired. He was also on probation for dealing drugs (so he claims, I think it was also assault against women). All of this and he was 54 years old! It took me about five times to really leave him, because I cared for him when he was not raging. I also wanted so hard to believe he would change and get help. He kept saying he was sorry and would get therapy. He stayed with me for two months almost everyday and kept saying he would help me pay for the bills, this never happened. He would always start and argument and say that is why he did not give me the money. He is a total nutcase and I would recommend never dating a guy in or out of prison. Anyone who can commit a crime that ends them up in prison is not an overall good person or a good bet for a lasting relationship. I am slowly recovering, but I am still scared of him, because of his history of battering women and assaulting men.

lexie
I agree. It's insane that women are completely misrepresnted on the Supreme Court. I don't know what's going to happen in the next couple of years, but I don't think it's going to be good...

magee
Yes, it's a GREAT workout. Among other things, you have to have really strong abs to be able to pull yourself upside down. While you're having fun and hanging with you're girls, you're also working up through the levels to increasingly more advanced workouts to give you the strength you need to do the tricks.

jspri20000 -- Santa Barbara
Although I agree that there should be more women on the Supreme Court, three of the male justices are strongly pro-choice. The issue is one of ideology, not necessarily gender - several of the women that Bush could appoint if another vacancy occurs will not support abortion rights. What we will live with for the next 40 years is a dangerous legacy for women - thanks to the current administration's appointments - and not just at the Supreme Court level. Combined with decisions that chip away at abortion rights there is a trend to assign to states the right to allow (or disallow) certain procedures and define health exceptions for women in distress. I'm from an older generation and I couldn't understand why the young women aren't marching in the streets demanding control of their bodies. When a group of men (the Supreme Court) begin to talk about "protecting" women you can read that as "controlling" women, a fundamental goal of the ultra conservative right.

Most women don't realize that in 85% of the counties in the US abortion is already not available. Local and state regulations have made it almost impossible, in many states, to provide adequate family planning and abortion services to the women most in need.

I challenge you young women to get active, get involved, advocate for women's rights - if not you will see a gradual erosion of those rights until you wake up one day and wonder what happened.

Sign up for Planned Parenthood Federation of America Action Fund, investigate your local Planned Parenthood for Action Fund (advocacy and electoral work) opportunities. Tomorrow, if you live in Santa Barbara, Ventura, Santa Maria or Thousand Oaks there are demonstrations supporting a woman's right to an abortion - check your local Planned Parenthood for more information.

bgeorgopulos@aidforwomen.org -- Chicago
I have those types of days practically once a month. Of course it is always the first day of my period just to top things off. I think those are days that God likes to have himself a chuckle and put me back in my place.

kristart
That's a good point jspri20000, it's not just about the representation of women, as much as the representation of ideas on the Supreme court. Their idea of "protecting" women truly is a fundamentalist way of "controlling" women, which will chip away at all the rights the women before us worked so hard to establish. It's scary to think that they can make these decisions for all of us, and we have so little say. Thank you for posting how we can get involved.

bella -- ojai
Lindsay,
I sincerely admire your courage and strength to persevere and again become the "captain of your ship".
Yours is an important story and I thank you and Savvymiss.com for sharing it with all of us. I wish that no one would ever have to think they did something wrong when they were the victim in such a terrible crime. I will be pulling for your continued success and for the success of all the innocent women who have suffered this horrible violation.

o0lilypad0o
My heart goes out to Lindsay and all victims who read this. I was raped while in college as well, only difference being that it was a stranger who attacked me. All what you described, I endured. When I read this article, I cried. I never reported it, and, soon enough, I had isolated myself from the world I thought I knew, became depressed, had panic-attacks, messed around with all sorts of guys, my grades plummeted, took up alcohol and drugs as my coping mechanism, and had wandered away from family and friends who didn't quite get what changed in me but nevertheless wanted to support. Fortunately, my academic counselor recognized my potential, and, while she had no idea what had happened to me, advised that I seek therapy. It took my a long time to trust even my therapist, but ultimately I came out of the experience re-learning how to love my body and re-discover my self-worth. It is a battle, but the time and energy you put into the healing process will aid you immensely in re-connecting to the world. I, too, was terrified at the prospect of reporting the incident because I feared being judged. I encourage any victim of sexual assault to ask for help because you will help yourself recover sooner than you realize. As for me, I have taken part in a campus-sponsored mentoring program for young girls in the community, participate in V-Day productions, and am committed bringing light to this taboo phenomenon.

cagney
What about a pizza delivery person? I've always been told $1, but I'm not sure if that's enough. Any thoughts?

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
It would seem this is a case of society struggling to interfere in personal matters. Moral justifications can lead to extreme and even crazy behaviors. If an available health option seems 'wrong' to you, then this is less a breakdown of morality than a perceived thwarting of your view. If you feel this way, why do you aim to control others? People of certain religions may refuse medical treatement on the grounds it is against their beliefs. That doesn't mean they impose their choices.
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au

Rosolye -- Endeavour Hills (Melbourne)
The process of travel and choices you make during adventure are opportunities to learn about yourself. If you don't have a car, its valuable that trains, buses and other means of transport are accessible options. The key is to build courage and get a sense of your bearings. Some people reevaluate their soul compass throughout their lives. Why not? http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au

cjsheldon
Message to Christa Vagnocci, Senior Editor at TheKnot.com: Some of us women managed to get married and spent less on our own wedding than you are suggesting bridesmaids spend to be in someone else's wedding? How skewed our priorities have become. All of your information here is being presented as if required by law. Nobody is required to be in a wedding. Nobody is required to have an expensive wedding. And a bridesmaid is "required" to stage a bechelorette party? I mean really.

coquis81
I sit down once a month and plan out my budget. I write down my monthly expenses, and estimate what I'm going to spend on clothes, food, gas, etc. Once I've reached my estimated amount for the month I don't spend any money on it unless I'm willing to go back and update my spreadsheet, but cutting back on another category. This usually happens when unexpected Birthdays and Celebrations pop up. I never dig into my savings, once it's in there, it's not coming out unless a life altering emergency comes up. Budget, Budget, Budget... It only takes a few minutes of your time a month, even if you can't stick to everything on your list, it's a great guideline.

coquis81
I have a friend who would never bring cash with her because she "did't have a job", so everyone was always picking her part of the tab. Some of us finally got fed up and decided that the easist thing to do would just be to say no. It was actually hard, but you can't let friends just weasel you out of your hard earned cash! It's different when a friend who doesn't have a job because she's trying and can't get one, compared to someone you know that is just sitting at home watching soaps.

funkytofabulous
Hey Leslie,
Thanks!
Even the most savvy women are too hard on themselves. It's great to give women tool to dismantle the 'Criticism Committee'!

funkytofabulous
I am curious. Do you tell someone that you are interested in about your 'weaknesses'?

nann -- Encinitas

They completely make us feel more self conscous. If they look like that and worry, then we must look like giant monsters. That's the first thing that went through my head. Thoughts of what I ate for lunch and how I could just stop eating and be thin so that I could be beautiful all ran through my head at one time.


Freed

Personally, there is nothing more satisfying than being a member of the Nazi highway patrol, horseback riding with the Olsen twins and shearing women's hair. Nothing more satisfying John, not a thing.

KristynPleva

Excellent article.

I feel awful for the girl who blogged on her myspace page. She obviously was betrayed by someone she thought was a friend--which makes a bad day even worse.

It just shows you, you can't trust everyone.

Great article, Ms. Tibbetts!


Betsy -- Torrance
I love Carmindy on What Not to Wear! She is always so positive, and makes everyone feel pretty.

Paula
Hi..
I don't mean to be so blunt, but would you think of honestly telling your man about this and going for it? Maybe invite him along if he's okay with that idea, as to witness you satisfy your curiosities?? Or, just see where his friend is coming from and go with who you are most in love with

mtnangel
Great article. Having just been through a cross between the two-week wonder and raging hormones, it was a good reminder. Thank you.

TinaVail -- Ojai
leslie,
this is such a fun written article!
and as a 59 year old woman i
an sooooo glad to hear crop
tops and low rise levis are OUT.
thanks for the fashion info.
tina vail,
ojai

lily -- Los Angeles
Hmmm. My boyfriend has never had this fantasy, but he definitely has his own strange ones. I would try to turn him on to something that's sexy and something that you both are comfortable with.

liz88
As a long-time Savvy Miss reader, I am deeply concerned to see this thoroughly misogynyistic article published here.
This book clearly has no goal of helping women; it's aimed to glamorize men's sexist antics and make money. So why it is being lauded or publicized on a web-site for "intellectually-curious, fun-loving women" is beyond me.
I am very disturbed that this author is urging soon-to-be brides to condone their fiances so disrespecting women, not just as individuals, but as a gender (let's keep in mind that the vast majority of strippers are disenfranchised women who have not had opportunities, so they have to take their clothes off for a living. Statistically, strippers live in poverty... so why are we lauding men who exploit them?). We get totally offended when Laura Bush, a powerful woman, stands behind her husband's anti-woman decisions to try to curb women's access to birth control, abortion, and education... but standing aside while our fiances exploit women at strip clubs is in the same category.
There has been a lot of talk among the women's movement about how the reason why we are losing our rights is because we so condone the antics of men who disrespect us... George Bush and David Boyer alike.
I really like Savvy Miss, but I'm becoming more and more concerned with the kinds of articles that are being published here (the interviews with the Playboy bunnies was disturbing, as well).
Let's stop pretending that we want to be "one of the guys" and take part in exploiting women who have less than us, and try to get some respect from the men in our lives.

galaxygirl24 -- Rome
watching porn is NOT a completely normal activity for men. some men just get into the habit if buying porn, and watching it when they are bored or horny to get off. yes, temptation is out there, but men have the ability to control their hormones just as much as women do, and have to. come on, guys have to be smarter than this. i'm sorry, but the writer of this article is completely wrong on this subject, and i also agree with ladylaura119, this was offensive.

brownhairbabe
Personally, I want to know what goes on at bachelor parties, and I'm not going to have the naiive notion that men don't like to look at strippers, even if it is misogynistic.
The article also isn't saying women should condone this, it's saying they should talk to their partners about it and be realistic about their expectations. After reading this I talked to my boyfriend about it and we got into a discussion about strippers and their place in society and I feel like it was a very positive thing for each of us to learn where the other was coming from. Also, if you read closely, he says a lot of guys feel pressure from society to do these things. Maybe if we're more aware of them we can change that. But pretending it doesn't happen won't change anything.

MinnieSheila
Oh my gosh, this article was so crazy! My boyfriend is never going to one of these parties! I'm so glad I know what really goes on, even if it is a little scary...

9-5gurl
I agree with liz88 that condoning fiances to disrespecting women is outrageous-- well said! But I work incredibly hard hours for less money than many strippers make so I don't feel bad for them whatsoever--they may not have had opportunities as liz88 said, but I didn't either and you won't catch me giving lap dances for dollar bills. And let's not forget some even dabble in prostitution. Who's to blame, the men or the strippers? Or both?

As a woman who has male friends (and boyfriends) who have gone to strip clubs it's nice to hear what really goes on so I appreciate the article and the authors candor, thanks!

lily -- Los Angeles
I agree. I am really curious what goes on at Bachelor Parties. I would not want my boyfriend to go, but I trust him enough that he won't be one of the "one in ten" that participates in "extra-curriculars." And I don't think that men's actions there should be justified as "living out a fantasy." It's unexceptionable really, but it is interesting to see how a guy can justify this. But do you ladies think that strippers will ever stop stripping? I have friends that turned to stripping that came from middle class neighborhoods. They describe what they do for a living as "taking advantage of guys." Is this ever the case?

Betsy -- Torrance
I think knowing about what happens isn't the same thing as condoning it. I would never want my future finance to have a stripper, but if he does, I would want to know what goes on.

uptownbaby
It's really unfortunate that David seems to suggest that men should be given more opportunities to bond, even if it is exploitative or comes at the expense of women. Despite it being disturbing to read, I think it's important to hear what really goes on and understand what's behind the "tradition." I certainly don't think Savvy Miss is condoning or agreeing with David, but I do think they did a good job in giving the real scoop, even if it squashes our hope that men don't really act or think like this :( I would rather know the truth and deal with it.

space_cowgirl
thanks for this article- I wholeheartedly agree that it's difficult for us who look younger to be taken seriously at the office. I'm 24 years old and work at a law firm, yet my height (5'2) and possibly my ethnicity (asians tend to look younger) make people think I'm still 14. Give me a break! This article has really awesome tips that I will be using. I am now in the process of eliminating my usage of 'like' in my everyday speak :-)

sheila-takeabow
I've actually always wanted to travel alone somewhere, but being a young, sort of inexperienced woman, I was hesitant and scared. I'm glad that a book on travelling alone catered to women and written by a woman, is available! yay! It definitely inspires me to travel more!!

sheila-takeabow
I'm really happy savvy miss is addressing the fight against global warming. you guys rock! I've been really trying to find ways I can do my part and I'm sure many people have too. These are all simple, easy ways anyone can do to help out.

sheila-takeabow
I just had a day from hell like this last sunday. My car died on the freeway and I had to get it towed, and now it's in car heaven. When I got home, i took my pug for a walk but he got out of his leash and started barking at my neighbors. 30 minutes later he comes to my house, saying my dog bit his son and he was threatening to call the police. horrible horrible day. and like most of you guys , I was on my period too. So there is some kind of weird connection that bad days= being on your period. but these experiences only make us stronger, so have a glass of wine and keep your chin up lexie! :-)

kristart
Weddings have gotten sooo expensive. I agree. But I don't see any problem in just letting your friend know that the prices are too outrageous. If she is your friend, then I'm sure she'll understand. Sometimes people just get caught in the moment (myself included), and they just need a reality check.

liz88
Great discussion! I'm so glad this fueled a dialog.
First and foremost, don't get me wrong: I LOVE Savvy Miss and think it's a really important and necessary web-site and I hope it grows to be the new Glamour or Vanity Fair.
But I think the problem with this article is that this book wasn't written for women... it was written for men, and from the authors' tone, it sounds like is a machismo-congratulating kind of article and I don't think that the author deserves any kudos, because I really doubt his goal is to inform women about the sordid endeavors of bachelor parties.
As a women's studies major (I'll be a junior at Mount Holyoke this fall), I personally just see this book as expanding the perceived schism between women and men, which, in the opinion of many feminists is what creates communication problems between men and women and promotes sexism.
However, in any context, perhaps it was okay that this article was published, because it sparked so much important dialog among readers.

judjudy
I'm going to say what I think... liz88 the article was to give women information on what happens at bachelor parties (if you read the title I think you would notice that) anyway the author is giving the information on- like what the title says- what happens, not to sugar-coat it. Were all allowed to express our opinions but, in my opinion the person who wrote this article took alot of time to write it and don't say rude things because it's rude and how would you feel if somebody said annoying and disrespectul things about an article you took along time to write? So keep your rude opinions to yourself because you never knows whose family members you are saying rude things about.

swilson
This article was fabulous, I read it from beginning to end. Such a different approach to life if you see yourself as 100% responsible for everything that happens in it - what a great and informative interview!!!

MorganC
So true. I can't just get A coffee. I have to get the crumble cake, and then the Starbucks mugs always get me. They're so cute and seasonal. Geesh. I'm in the trap.

Cristy
Yes, it's really sad that these types of sites do exist. Unfortunately there is a lot of nonsense on the internet that should not be allowed but because of free speech laws they can't be touched. There are even websites out there promoting pedophilia, child porn, and countless other sick topics. That's why these things are so difficult to fight. What do you think? How far should we go with restricting info on the web. Should we allow absolutely unrestricted free speech even in cases of online child porn and pedophilia? Do we defend the rights or the people whom they can hurt?

Betsy -- Torrance
Really? Pee? What's up with some guys fantasies? How could this ever be considered hot? Good luck with that.

brownhairbabe
Hmm, that's a tough one. I've never actually dealt with this, but in general, if you're not comfortable with something then you shouldn't do it. So if you don't want to pee on him or don't want to as often as he'd like then talk to him. See if you can work out a compromise that will make you both happy. If he's still obsessing over it then maybe he should talk to a therapist or something. Obsession over anything can be bad, especially if it's hurting your relationship.

9-5gurl
I appreciate knowing that I can be sexy and turn on a man, I really do, it's empowering to feel sexy and attractive and desired. But I don't do it for dollars.

Again ladies, who is to blame? Is it the strippers, or the men?

I love what lily said about her friends who were strippers who think they're "taking advantage of guys"-- it really made me think about the whole thing. I've always looked down on strippers and equally on men who support (give dollar bills, etc) to strippers. I appreciate knowing what goes on with men & strippers -- scares the crap out of me, but still...who's to blame? If there weren't any men who paid strippers there wouldn't be any strippers...if there weren't any strippers, there wouldn't be men to engage in these acts...tough call, but either way I don't support either especially when it involves a man who is either engaged or married...bottom line, engaging with a stripper is cheating...it isn't some exception to the rule like "it was a stripper so i didn't cheat" and for strippers "he had a ring on but i was being paid so it was business" -- that's terrible and disgusting.

I'm a feminist, but I've done strip clubs (male and female) and of course the male one's are much more about laughing at his speedos than being turned on, but I'm a realist, people go to strip clubs, it happens.

Ideally I would love a love life where no man I know would go to a strip club but unfortunately if that happened he'd probably turn out to be gay...because men do go to strip clubs and I just most of all am relieved to hear (although disgusted) of what really happens...so thanks.

And again ladies, let's decide once and for all, who is to blame: is it the men we love, or the strippers, or both -- I'm going with both!

axcar
Great interview! The Bible says,"Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope and hope does not disappoint us."
Without any obstacles, we would not be as strong. Stay positive!

lauramc70 -- Los Angeles
I think it is very irresponsible for a doctor to make mean and genaralized statements by implying that all fashion models are anorexic.

When I was younger I was as thin as some of these women and was that way because I have a fast metabolism which is genetic. Now at 36 and 5'7 I still only weigh 125, I eat whatever I want and exersize minimally just to stay toned.

I'm not saying only very thin women should be models, why can't there be models who are all shapes and sizes like the general population?

I have been accused many times of being anorexic or bulimic mostly by mean and nasty former female co-workers. But also by a very ignorant nurse in jr. high school who acted as if I had committed some kind of crime by being thin.

These accusations were very hurtful to me and these women seemed to want me to have an eating disorder so they could feel good about why I was thin and about themselves. Dr. Johanson also talks meanly about how models' bodies look when they are naked. Should some of these women and girls have eating disorders they are going to extremely insecure and to talk negatively about the way they look will only make their conditions worse. Women or girls with these disorders should have our sympathy because they have an illness and should not be insulted. Mean descriptions would not be used for overweight women because it would seem insensitive.

Even at my thinest, I always felt like a woman, yes a "real" woman. I always liked eating, sex, and life which Dr. Johanson says are liked by women who have flesh on their bones. I guess not by women who don't. Well she can kiss my skinny white ass! And of course a thin man would just be thought of as thin, not anorexic. Why is it that men can weigh 100 pounds or 350 pounds and do not face the same scrutiny!

violence210
If it's a situation where it's something that you may be willing to try and just aren't comfortable bringing yourself to do it, try doing this in the shower.
If it's something you're simply set on not doing, just let him know that you've gotta draw a line somewhere as far as your privacy goes--maybe look around some porn sites with him and find a different fetish you'd both be willing to give a shot!

dullrich
I love the tips on working from home. I would love to see some info. on good work at home opportunities/jobs - so many we find in the newspapers and on the net are scams.

kristart
I'm glad fried calamari is recommended... it's mmmm good

space_cowgirl
I'm proud to admit I like all these styles you say that aren't hot. It's just a matter of opinion, and just as another person commented, most heterosexual men don't have fashion sense. My boyfriend would still be wearing G-Unit sweatshirts with denim shorts if I weren't around.

crashing_nightingale
This article is so funny because I thought I was the only one that felt this way. Thank you Savvy miss! :-) I have a friend who LOVES going to expensive restaurants and all the so-called "hot" hollywood hotspots. She has mom's credit card to use; I, on the other hand, have to work 50/hrs a week and pay off student loans. She likes to order LOTS of food, so when we go out to dinner, I would always give in whenever she wanted an appetizer, cocktails, and dessert so it wouldn't look like i was being cheap. I finally told her I think it's ridiculous whenever she orders food/drinks she doesn't even eat and I feel pressured to pay for half of it, and I am being more aggressive in saying "no." now, thankfully.

crashing_nightingale
thanks for this article. My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Yosemite this summer, so I'll be definitely using this as a reference. :-)

Celi -- LA
I loved this interview and this topic! Thanks for bringing some positivity to your readers' lives!

leisle -- Westwood
Whitney-- You are definitely my favorite from Cycle 8! Great advice about the positive reinforcement. I feel like many men expect their girlfriend to look great, while they can pork up all they want. It's a double standard, and I think it's fantastic that you encourage both parties to participate in the exercise. Thanks Whitney!

kristart
This is Hilarious! Hopefully he's not dating a bitch. I don't understand why some people date guys/girls who they fights with. If my boyfriend ever thought I was a bitch, it would be off.

charlotte
Same with mojitos!

fiona
great suggestions! museums are also fun cheap dates- most of them have a "free admission" day at least once a week.

fiona
great suggestions! museums are also fun cheap dates- most of them have a "free admission" day at least once a week.

jenr87
I do think that this story needs to be televised. Finally! One of these teen stars is going to jail. You hear about Niclole Riche driving the wrong way on the freeway after smoking pot and using vicatin. You here of Lindsay Lohan getting wasted at what, 17? If we get the penalties for commiting these crimes, then they should too. I love hearing when celebrities get the punishments they deserve.

fiona
My boyfriend falls in the Controllers, Perfectionists, and Addicts group and it makes me so mad! Sometimes I wish he would just chill out a little and forget about work, but he can't think of anything else. It's so annoying. Yet he keeps on saying he's working so hard for "our future" together, but I can't help but feel neglected.

fiona
Funny, I thought multi-tasking actually made you more efficient and intelligent haha. It's difficult not to multitask these days though.. there's so much work to be done in every field, with people working weekends and everything.

fiona
thanks for the sound advice! i didn't know having a a generalized objective was so bad..

fiona
I hated Pinkberry the first time I had it. My friend raved about all of last year and when she finally took me, I looked at her and said, "Is this it?" It seemed like nothing but the new hot trend, which is a turn off in and of itself.

However, it is addicting. I went back a second time and for some reason I wanted more. Have you gone again after your first time? You might get hooked. Everyone I speak to agrees that it's not the best thing you will ever taste, but there is just an addicting quality to it. No wonder they call it Crackberry.

Betsy -- Torrance
I love my uggs. People HATE them, but they are sooo comfortable. But don't worry. I don't wear them with skirts.

babyallie -- West Hollywood

Wow...whoever wrote this article really inspired me to wear more dresses and cute flats...I can't wait to go shopping!


Carolanne -- Los Angeles
Great article! It's often not taking action when it comes to our money that leads us to feel trapped. We don't set aside money or we have the false sense of security that someone else will provide for us in the long run.

lily -- Los Angeles
I would rather have my boyfriend (who lives across the country) watch porn than cheat. I do think that for guys, it is harder for them to control, shall I say "urges." If he was addicted (like some of his friends) then it would be a different story, but the occasional watch is not a big deal for me.

Lavanda
First of all: I need to know the reason why all this is happening?
She might not consciously know it herself - so, asking her directly might not help.
And, generally there are couple reasons why a girl is more relaxed about her looks in a long-term relationships: (1) she might not be that much attracted to you anymore - thus you have to romance her the way she likes it; (2)she might feel as if you do not appreciate her as a person, but rather as an object with a good body - thus, you have to listen to whatever problems she might have and comfort her or maybe she needs a very simple acknowledgment of her other qualities, not just her looks; (3) it could be both (1)&(2).
I.E.: if you make her feel as a woman and as a person - your problems might go away.

Lavanda
Great response, Sarah. There is nothing that she must do -- but, she would do what you want if she wants it too. So, make her want it, just like Sarah said. And, be sensitive too her needs, flirt with her more, tell her how beautiful she is - and she would be beautiful for you.

Lavanda
I agree with leisle. What men do not realize though is that it is not just a double standard - it's the problem that is created by that double standard: women usually do not want to look good for a man who looks sloppy or chubby. And, usually they will excercise to keep up with her men's fit body - they won't want to look worse than you.

Lavanda
I wonder what the guy thinks about each of the responses - and what advice he followed?

Lavanda
Does he respond to anything that they are doing? If he does, why? I personally do not like guys who flirt with others. My boyfriend (now ex for other reasons) - was flirting with everybody without even realizing it --- when between us a strong bond was already created - I finally realized that I just do not want to tolerate this and I told him in a soft way - that when he does this and that (body language) he is signaling to a girl that he is interested in her. And I told him that I do not like this... The bond between us was strong enough for him not to want to lose me because of his flirting and he stopped doing it -- when he stopped reacting - the girls had no sound reason to flirt with a good looking but indifferent to them guy.

Lavanda
Regarding 2) -- if she lost her enthusiasm -- it's more appropriate to turn him off too. Why to have sex without wanting it?

Regarding 1) - selfish in bed? -- it's sounds more a guy thing, -- I hope it would be rather a girl thing, but it's not. But, I guess, I interpret "selfish" a little different.. For me selfish means taking without giving... rather then close ups.

Betsy -- Torrance
My mom taught me to toss take-out food after 2 days. It's not worth getting food poisoning for that last mu shoo pork.

charlotte
My mom has always encouraged me not to rush into marriage. Thanks mom!

charlotte
Yes! The cherry blossoms in DC bloomed in what, February?, this year? And there were record-breaking highs on the West Coast and record-breaking lows on the East. The ice caps are melting, there's no arguing about it. It's really, really scary because it's actually happening RIGHT now.

sheila-takeabow
It seems this article is saying most men watch porn solely out of boredom. if that's the case, why not make yourself productive and pick up a hobby or something? to me porn is sort of a "cheap thrill" that fulfills only a temporary pleasure, so it shouldn't be something men should "love."

sheila-takeabow
I'm really bad in saving money, so this article help me out in sorting my financial troubles. I'm working on growing my "F@ck YOU" fund.. haha. I love that term.

sheila-takeabow
great article. The "quarter pose" is what the stars do and is such a fool-proof way to look slimmer.

sheila-takeabow
it's really scary, but i think it's true that we are going through global warming and man is only accelerating the process at staggering rates. I mean, it's a scary thought to know that in the near future we might not even have rain forests. Global Warming is something the world needs to work on together.

cyber_hippie

I met the love of my life via an online dating site! He sent me a flirt,I saw his pic, I wrote back, we met for lunch, and the rest is history!

We have now been together for 3 months and are already moving in together! He was only the 2nd guy I dated out of my last relationship. I feel I got incredibly lucky!

Jen M.


bridesmaid2B
"You’ll need to get the happy couple engagement and wedding gifts and bring a gift for the bridal shower"--hardly. Guests in general are not expected to buy gifts for the engagement, and bridesmaids should feel even less obligated given the fact that they are doing the couple a favour by standing up for them at the wedding. The bridesmaid must already pay large amounts of money for her attire and travel expenses, so bridesmaids often each pitch in a small sum to purchase a wedding gift for the couple. They can also pitch in fr the shower gift if they wwould like, but these gifts are expected to be inexpensive and could even be handwritten notes of advice or little cakes or appetizers at the shower. Brides should keep in mind that they are putting quite a financial burden on their attendants, and should not expect gifts other than their presence at the ceremony and their help in planning the affair and/or helping to settle the bride's nerves. It is a pretty greedy couple that expects gifts for the engagement, shower and wedding from any of their guests let alone their attendants.
I also think it is a strange assumption that these customs are universal. These 'American' customs are actually dominant Anglo-Christian values, and are by no means universal. In many cultures, the bride pays for the attire of her bridesmaids since they are doing her a favour by standing up for her. I think that more brides should at least consider subsidizing the cost of each bridesmaid's dress, as this may be a dress that she hates and will never wear again, in which case it hardly seems fair that she shell out her hard-earned cash. It is also a good idea to give general guidelines for dresses (pastels, a light blue-grey, etc.) and let each bridesmaid find a dress that suits her individual style while keeping with the formality of the occasion. You can also set out several swatches of fabric and allow bridesmaids to choose from that colour palette. This way, each bridesmaid can purchase a dress that suits her body type and that she can wear again, and this also allows her to shop around and possibly score a bargain on a dress.
I agree with cjsheldon, who mentioned that many bridesmaids are being asked to spend more than they spent on their own weddings. $1000 is too much, IMO. In the case of a destination wedding, travel, accomodation and/or attire should be subsidized by the couple. It is inconsiderate to expect your attendants to shoulder such a financial burden. If you cannot afford to fund a substantial part of the travel and accomodations, then do not marry at that destination! It is as simple as that. I also agree that weddings have gotten out of hand. These cceremonies and receptions are meant to celebrate the union of a couple and to allow their family and friends to share in their joy. They should not be gift-grabs. Gifts should be thoughtful, and should fit comfortable within each guest's budget. It is not their job to pay for or reimburse the couple for the costs of the wedding.
Also, consider renting bridesmaids gowns. This is a growing industry, and can save you lots of $.
Enjoy the weddings!

crashing_nightingale
my mother taught me to never take life too seriously! And also, she has give me some of the best fashion advice in the world :-D

Sarah-SavvyTeam
Yeah, I make the same joke with my friends, but it isn't really a joke anymore. Check out this article for ways you can help: http://www.savvymiss.com/body-spirit/spirit/spirit-archive/article/15-ways-you-yes-you-can-help-stop[..]

Sarah-SavvyTeam
I hate when this happens, and of course guys never notice it so they don't believe you when you try to tell them. The best advice I can give you is to be the bigger person. Instead of waiting for her to say hi to you, say hi first. Be really nice and friendly to her. This does two things, one it makes you look like a great person and ensures she can never complain about you being rude, and two, it will drive her crazy. She obviously doesn't want you to be nice or like her, so by being nice you make her mad, but she can't complain.

Sarah-SavvyTeam
These sites are horrible, but because of free speech there isn't much we can do. Which on the one hand is sad, but on the other, I would rather have some disturbing sites online than have everything monitored and not have the right to free speech. And there is something we can do. We can protest against these sites and use our freedom of speech to speak out against them.

MorganC
Okay, being the bigger person is good and all, but also AVOID her at all costs. Go to a movie theater where she won't be around, or tell your friends to make sure she doesn't show up. After a couple of weeks, hopefully she will have forgotten about pestering. She sounds aweful. I would just make sure to remind yourself how lame she is, so she won't get to you.

axcar
You are on the money! The more we save at an earlier age the easier life will be. Unfortunately, most of us don't save as much as we should when were young and then after kids it's nearly impossible. Start saving girls!

fiona
these tips will be really helpful once I start the summer cleaning (sometime) soon. I absolutely dread cleaning the bathroom! it's so gross, and every time I clean it, it seems like it gets dirty right after.

jwzest
I think our standard of living is more than financial stability. Happiness really doesn't only depend on how much money we are able to save. This doesn't mean I'm suggesting not to be careful with spendings. But giving up a lifestyle that makes you happy might not lead to contentment when you retire.

MinnieSheila
I don't want to sound mean but Paris Hilton deserves whatever punishment she gets. She is a seriously bad role model and I'm so sad that my little sister and other young girls have her to look up to.

LILA -- Los Angeles
this was a great article! i was one of those ladies that had been wearing the same bra size (ok, even sometimes the same bra) since I was in college...over 5 years ago! i'm so glad you featured the Intimacy folks too--i visited their store in NYC and got a couple of valuable lessons.

MorganC
I recommend taking a weekend trip together. Being in a different/fun location can definitely spice things up.

MorganC
How long do bras usually last? I have many of my same bras since high school and college.

leisle -- Westwood
My mom passed down her love of sweets. We love to get our coffee and treats together.

leisle -- Westwood
Are spray or powder bronzers better?

sheila-takeabow
I have bras from high school too. (6 years ago). Is this bad? I feel they still fit ok. I've also washed them with regular detergent and they've lasted long enough.

space_cowgirl
I agree MorganC. Getting out of your usual bubble makes the relationship feel fresh and new again. Stay at a Bed& Breakfast for the weekend, or camping on the beach.

space_cowgirl
I *SO* feel you on this! i'm knee-deep in student loans, yet I feel the need to buy new clothes. It's a bad habit and will only give you temporary happiness though. I found that you usually spend the most money when you are with your friends (pressure, encouragement, etc.) Just try to think about the long run before deciding on going out with friends.

rivergirl
I don't care if this sounds mean or not, but I'm sick of hearing about precious Paris and her clones. She would be absolutley nobody, if her father didn't own those hotels. It's not like she has any talent, unless you include partying. What she really needs is for someone, to cut off her connections, money and privledges. And make her earn her living the hard way. Just like everyone else. I bet that would be way more traumatizing than jail. But since that will never happen...YES She should go to jail, and she should be treated like everybody else. No special treatment because she is a celebrity. 45 days in the slammer is too "traumatizing" for poor Paris, well, boo hoo. She could have killed someone with her drunk driving. I don't feel I bit sorry for her. She and other celebrities need to pay for their crimes and not get off lightly or get a slap on the wrist, just because they are famous. (Wasn't Robert Downey Jr. temporarily let out of jail in order to make movies?)

What isn't fair is that celebrities are treated with special care and privileges, and not being penalized in the same way an ordinary person would. Rules are rules and they should apply to everyone equally. Scott Peterson didn't get off for the murder of his wife and neither should O.J. I can only hope she actually stays for the full 45 days, which I doubt. Being who she is, I'm sure she will get out early somehow.

Sarah-SavvyTeam
I've totally been there--retail therapy is so easy to succumb to. I have found though that the few times I have been able to resist I actually feel better, I'm proud of myself for being strong. There are lots of tricks you can try to slow your spending, like waiting 24 hours to decide if you really want something, to putting your credit card in the freezer so you can't get to it easily. The easiest way though is to just avoid shopping altogether, but that can be hard (not to mention no fun!)

space_cowgirl
thanks for the article. I'm trying to turn my hobby of writing into a career, and it's difficult to stay motivated, but your tips really help.

space_cowgirl
thanks for the article! These tips all seem to be common sense, yet many women, especially me, don't get re-measured or rotate bras! I realize having the correct size bra can change the way your clothes can look on you for the better.

fiona
I'm excited to be going camping with my boyfriend this summer too. I'm really forgetful, so I'll use this list when packing for the trip!

fiona
this situation is extremely annoying, mainly because I agree with Sarah- guys don't notice what's going on. As much as you want to cuss and pull her hair out, DON'T. It will make you look bad, even though technically it's her fault. So she's driving you nutz- but keep on remembering she's being an insecure petty person. Show that you are your secure, friendly, and aloof self- you'll look better compared to her among your circle of friends, and you'll drive her nuts too.

fiona
I read some of your entries, and I love what I read! Hilarious and I could relate to your situations. I'll definitely be reading more :-)

divinespirit
Thanks so much for all of your comments!!! This site is truly the best. Fortunately, I have been able to keep my distance from the homewrecker, but it's only a matter of time before she surfaces....I will certainly be holding my head up high and being the bigger person. Just needed that confirmation from some others. Thank you!

sheila-takeabow
I'm planning a picnic on the beach with my boyfriend this week to celebrate our anniversary. It's a sweet and easy way to celebrate. check if your favorite restaurant fixes up "picnic baskets" to go.

AliceInWonderland
Thanks! I appreciate it! :)

AliceInWonderland
Thanks! I appreciate it! :)

axcar
Excellent interview! I also have two teenage daughters and I'm looking forward to reading Arianna's book, On becoming fearless. Nice job Delilah!

cnuttall -- Charleston
I love this article. See, I am this girl you're describing. But even the most confident of us need reminding, especially when a stupid boy enters the picture who is less than worthy. That's my current situation - a boy (let's call him John Tucker) who makes me feel less than adaquete. My last boyfriend was worse. I always wanted to make love more than him, so I'd find myself getting rejected. I'd have to go and have sexy time alone instead. It's amazing how sometimes you can feel sexiest when you are WITHOUT a boy. If that's the case, the boy is not worth it. If all else fails, here is my sexy tip: Put on something silky, pour yourself some wine, light a candle, and pop in "Sex and the City." It never fails.

brownhairbabe
Great article! It is so true that we're still dealing with the same fears past generations were. Let's hope the next generation can move beyond them.

lily -- Los Angeles
It bothers me that some say women only like soft "People Magazine" news. Men read car magazines and Maxim, but that doesn't mean that's what they only like. Why is it that women get pigeonholed and men don't? I agree with Arianna. There is a caricature of all women as "Today Show" enthusiasts.

sheila-takeabow
mmm the Lobster Bites and Olive and Sun-Dried Tomato tapenade sound sooo good. these recipes sound great for a picnic basket-to-go too!

fiona
great tips! I just started excercising regularly and found I have more energy than ever, even after a long 9-5 workday. Also, ironically, cutting off coffee has given me more energy too. The "buzz" would come down really hard when I got home, making me tired and nauseated.

lauramc70 -- Los Angeles
This is a great article. Usually we always hear negative things about break-ups, it's nice to know that some guys think nice things about us when it's over. I guy a dated used to try and impress me with the choice of books he was reading and he seemed to be more his real self around me compared to the way he was with other people.

bitesizeyak05

MinnieSheila
Honestly, I think guys hate sex and the city because they've never really watched it and they think it's some male-bashing show. My boyfriend used to say he didn't like it but when I finally convinced him to watch it he actually enjoyed it. The thing about Sex and the City is most of the men on the show are great guys and are well-portrayed. If men were smart they would watch the show, one to make their girlfriends happy, and two to learn a little more about the opposite sex. Guys need to stop thinking that watching a girl show makes them less of man, because it doesn't. It makes them smarter men.

jwzest
Some people look good in skinny jeans, some don't. Some people look good in low rise pants, some don't. I think it only makes sense to follow fashion to a point where we still keep our own style and don't wear anything that doesn't look good on us.

I just got back from Paris, and lots of women were wearing crop tops and low rise pants. Very, very stylishly.

As long as you keep a good sense of what looks nice on you and what doesn't, I'd say don't worry about looking unfashionable in your low rise pants and crop tops.

Just because now ruffled skirts are in style they won't look good on everyone. Be yourself!

KatWilder -- Marin County

First of all, snooping is never OK in a relationship. Why? Because it totally tears apart the very core — honesty and trust. You violated that and I'm sorry but the "ends" (discovering the herpes meds) does not justify the "means" (snooping).

If he is an honorable guy, he would have the herpes discussion with you when you are beginning to talk about getting sexual — when you'd both want to show some sort of proof of being HIV- and STD-free.

But, alas, you have not been honorable with him, and that would be grounds for him to dump you.

People can and do live (sexually active) happy lives with herpes; no one lives a happy life with deceit.

You can read all my blogs at http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder


KatWilder -- Marin County

First of all, snooping is never OK in a relationship. Why? Because it totally tears apart the very core — honesty and trust. You violated that and I'm sorry but the "ends" (discovering the herpes meds) does not justify the "means" (snooping).

If he is an honorable guy, he would have the herpes discussion with you when you are beginning to talk about getting sexual — when you'd both want to show some sort of proof of being HIV- and STD-free.

But, alas, you have not been honorable with him, and that would be grounds for him to dump you.

People can and do live (sexually active) happy lives with herpes; no one lives a happy life with deceit.

You can read all my blogs at http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder


KatWilder -- Marin County

My guess why so many women (and 31 percent is A LOT!!!) say sex is "eh" has very little to do with their partner and a lot to do with how little they know about their own body and what feels good for them, their shame or discomfort with their body ("I'm too fat," "My thighs are too big," etc.), and their inability to express honestly to their partner what they want.

Until a woman has confidence in her own body and what it can do, it's unlikely that she will love sex — or herself.

Read all my blogs at http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder


chtran12
I totally agree! Her lyrics could have improved a little bit, but it is definitely worth buying. Great Review!

crashing_nightingale
Definitely find out the truth before you do anything else with him ladies! I knew this guy for about a year and in a very spontaneous, bad move, I had a "one night stand" with him. Turns out he was still with his girlfriend, who went ballistic on me. I should've asked the hard-hitting questions so the whole situation would be avoided- I speak from experience.

KatWilder -- Marin County

Just by the way she herself describes the relationship — "I've been hooking up with this guy" — pretty much says it all to me. If you check in with yourself and listen to what you say and feel about what's going on, you'll be in touch with your "gut."

Like what Dr. Kerner says — If he wants to see you and do things with you outside of the bedroom (or wherever you're trysting), then he's interested in you for things other than sex — regardless of what he says. If not, well, save yourself the heartache of wanting more than what's there.

Read all my blogs at http://blobs.marinij.com/katwilder


beach_girl
Believe me, you're not the only one. I definetly have a shopping addiction. My boyfriend says I should be in Shopaholics Anonymous. haha.I used to buy anything new and fashionable and it would make me happy. I traveled to Europe recently and realized that once I did save my money, I could see the world. Seeing the world is way better than getting new T-shirt if you ask me.

loves_2_shop
I once cheated on a bf a long time ago and I felt incredibly guilty and horrible about it. He never found out about it, but like you said, I knew about it. And I had to live with myself. I began to feel insecure about the relationship. If i can't trust myself, how can I trust him? I've learned a lot from that guilt. That relationship ended quickly after and now I am in a new and happy relationship. I haven't cheated and I won't because it is wrong and I would never want someone to do that to me. So I don't believe in "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

loves_2_shop
Paris went to jail last night and in all honesty, I kind of feel bad for the girl because the media is loving the fact that an heiress is going behind bars. Although, I do think that she should spend some time in there and that she will hopefully learn some lessons.

beach_girl
Practicing in front of a mirror really works! It may seem funny that you are doing it at first, but it really helps you perfect your favorite look!

space_cowgirl
I've never been one of those fortunate people who knew what their career would be right when they were born. Since I graduated from college, I've been going in and out of jobs, trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life, so this article really helps me in figuring out my passion. thanks!

space_cowgirl
I think this kind of information in a women's magazine is great because many girls don't know about handling cars. I'm planning a California coast road trip in August, so this is definitely helpful for me. My girl friend and I know next to nothing about cars, so I need all the info i can get. thanks!

KatWilder -- Marin County

Thanks for your comments, loves_2_shop.

I also don't believe "once, always," but I'd sure want to know why he cheated, what he learned and why he doesn't think he'd do it again.

That said, there are no guarantees ...

Good luck with your new love!


MorganC
I applaud you for doing that! I have always wanted to do something like that...my hair is getting pretty long--maybe I should do it too!

loves_2_shop
everyone worries about finding the perfect job.this article is good advice!

loves_2_shop
i love this section! im just learning the basics of cooking. these recipes are great!good ideas!

beach_girl
that is amazing...last yr i cut my hair up to my chin and now im wishing i did something great and generous with it.

beach_girl
haha my bf watches the show with me .. along with desperate housewives and greys anatomy. hes great like that. sex and the city is his least favorite of those 3, but he understands that its basically a woman's guide to survival... haha... and he thinks samantha is a slut.. and he gets upset when i say that i admire her bc shes so open about her sexuality.

loves_2_shop
I found two bronzers that are also great. Urban Decay came out with a new bronzer called "Baked." It comes in a yummy cupcake-style package and I experience two different tints. "Toasted" made me feel like I had a healthy and glowing tan. I might even say that I looked like a little ray of sunshine. haha! You can put it on wet or dry and its streak free. Its one of my new favs.
Another one I tried is So Cal Glow by Hard Candy. It comes in a big compact covered in the hot spots of the west coast. It is very light and natural feeling and the best part about it is that it smells like coconut!
These bronzers are great and now I'm looking tan and ready for summer.

cyber_hippie

I really don't think my current relationship is a rebound. It was weird how it happened--I'd only been out of my last relationship for a month when I met my BF, and we were both very up front about the fact that we were not looking for anything serious or long-term; however, we HAVE grown very close very quickly, and I'm confident in saying we ARE in love. (My last relationship was...not a normal one--I had detached from my ex emotionally long before we broke up. I was ready for love, but not in a hurry when I met my current BF.)

We are already talking marriage, in fact.

JM


Chloe -- Los Angeles
I love camping. It my favorite escape from Los Angeles where I live. Being out in the woods helps me feel grounded. It helps me remember that life can be simple. I like the list you girls offer. Another tip I could add to help out is DON'T PACK TOO MUCH. I always bring silly things I don't need like my Victoria's Secret Love spell lotion that only attracts bugs. My boyfriend would rather I stunk then bring bugs around us. Ha Ha.

MorganC
Can booty calls ever develop into relationships?? I've always wondered that...

Betsy -- Torrance
I agree with GoldenAfternoon. When you have projects at work lingering, it's so hard to just drop everything and have a good time.

Sarah-SavvyTeam
While I don't really feel sorry for her, it does seem a little unfair that she would think she's getting out and then has to go back to jail. Either way though, I'm sure she won't stay for her whole sentence, she'll get out for good behavior soon.

fiona
I get caught up in the 9-5 grind as well. I almost don't want to leave for vacation because I feel I have so much work left to do and I start to worry about it. I know this is bad though, and it's great advice that we need more short, frequent vacations to relieve the stress.

fiona
Very interesting results. It's sad to know many girls are just settling for a mate. Being single is an amazing time- It's a journey of to find independence and a time to grow!

fiona
I can't wait to see this movie! I love the little inside jokes they always include. Great review!

bgeorgopulos@aidforwomen.org -- Chicago
WOW!! It is SO refreshing to hear a guy say that! After studying the trends in history, it was extremely apparent to me that the common theme of the degredation of a society began with its lack of respect for each other. I'm thoroghly convinced that it begins with our sexuality and you really nailed it on the head in your response.

mandoir
"It’s tough to declare a concrete winner—if you value sex and regular “date nights” then coupledom is probably for you, but on the other hand if moving up the corporate ladder and having time to search for your perfect mate sounds appealing then the single life is the way to go."

I find this comment to be a little too formulaic and not really accurate. There are plenty of "power couples" out there who respect each others' careers and who value each others' goals. I've been in a relationship for years and have never once heard by boyfriend complain that I don't devote enough time to him because I'm too busy pursuing my goals in life!
But oh yeah, we still get amazing time together and great sex.

bella -- ojai
This is a fun article, but i wish you had gone a bit deeper with the topics. Intimacy,support(emotional), tolerance (others way of doing things) might have brought on some interesting responses.

KatWilder -- Marin County

I don't know, Morgan. You both would have to experience each other in a different way to start.

But the woman can lead it. If she decides she doesn't want to be his Love Thang, she can say it to him, and then carry on with her life (and mean it, too, and not get weak and give it up again). If he decides that he wants more than that with her after all, he'll be back — the right way.

And, my bad — my blogs are at http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder .. not blobs!!!!


lily -- Los Angeles
I heard that if she wasn't famous, she would have gotten out in two days because the jail system is so overcrowded and her offense wasn't as great, compared to others. I do feel somewhat sorry for her-it's a tough break, but then again, we're all dealt tough breaks, and it seems like she has the tendency to get out of them-um, did she ever show up for traffic school? Nope. Karma's a biatch.

LS -- New York City

Cristy
My mom used to make a concoction of mayo, avocado and raw eggs to put on my hair. I hated it so much and I screamed and yelled every time she'd slap the goo on my hair and wrap it in plastic wrap. But, as always, mom knew best. It kept my hair really strong and shiny...that is, until mom didn't do it anymore and I screwed up my hair when I dyed and straightened it.

leisle -- Westwood
I agree with your examples! I mean really, did anyone think Pamela and Tommy were going to work? NO. It's exciting at first, but you should just leave it at that. There needs to be some balance.

jazminsmommy -- Greenbrier

i will be hypenating my name i will keep my last name and hypenate his name


jazminsmommy -- Greenbrier

Well i am a mother to a 2 year old and i wasnt ready either but i did what i had to do to make sure she was healthy and to take care of myself when i was pregnant and now 2 years later i couldnt imagine my life without her


leisle -- Westwood
I agree with mandor. You can be in a relationship and still follow your career dreams. You just have to live in a place where both career options are accessible. There's no rule against a couple with two bad ass individuals.

KatWilder -- Marin County

cnuttail,
Only YOU can make yourself feel less than adequate, and you are doing that by choosing men who do not value you.
Why? You'll probably have to look deep in yourself to figure out why, and that's important. Wine, lingerie and candles are surface things to make us feel good about ourselves -- the real way to feel better is to go below the surface. And to make a better choice of partner. good luck!


MrsK2008
I am a bad girl and I landed a nice guy. It takes a lot of work to keep our relationship going. I want him to stand up and be a man, more than I feel he does. It causes fristcion in our relationship sometimes. I love him so much though. being with him makes me want to be a better person at all times.

fiona
So has anyone tried this out? This is an interesting concept on getting what you want. I'll try it out, but it seems hard to stay disciplined in doing these excercises.

fiona
I've been wanting to do this too! My hair grows out really fast and since summer is here, I've been wanting to chop off my long hair for a short bob. This is really inspiring. Thank you for blogging about this :-)

Chloe -- Los Angeles
Putting dryer sheets in the hamper in such a good idea. I can't believe I didn't think of that. You see I don't have a washer and dryer in my apartment complex so sometimes it adds up. You girls are so SMART! ! !

fire4ced
Any kind of distraction technique...sometimes I'll dig my nails into my skin - not *too* hard, but just to take the edge off of the welling emotion.

Sugar007
I really liked this article particularly because I am not a wordy person but when I do it, I want to know I am saying the right things. But also, this article brought something to mind that occurred this week, he told me that I have wet kisses and its too much saliva. I was in the bed when he said that I was offended by his insensitive comment. But to me, my kisses are wet but not sloppy. It hurts when you say things like that in bed for sure.

jenr87
Who's the hot model?

RIPPENTUBES
They must cater to me and just appreciate me being with them.

asya
This is great! Now, all I have to do is get a client.

asya
Hmm. The Champagne Sorbet looks perfect to quench your thirst and add a little kick to your summer day. I can't wait to try it!

HondaHunny
I believe that people with Bipolar Disorder have been a little misrepresented in this article, which is why most people are afraid of US, and most feel we must hide our illness, and a lot will not seek treatment due to fear of being viewed as "crazy," or viewing others reactions. Bipolar people are always portrayed as psychotic, or suicidal, and that is not the case with all of the Bipolar Disorders Types (there are many). Not everyone who has Bipolar Disorder experiences psychosis, not all Bipolar Types try to commit suicide, or become delusional, or even try to kill other people - its not just being manic, or being depressive. Bipolar Disorder comes in many different forms. There are people who are hardly able to function with this illness, not knowing they have it because they only know half the story, and missing out on a "normal"life .

lily -- Los Angeles
I love their suits! I just got the vix one!

TinaVail -- Ojai
I was a little hesitant to read something by these beautiful
"bunnies" but they each had something very real to con- tribute.
There is an exercise a therapist
and friend of mine gives her clients struggling with issues
like insecurity. Write on one sheet of paper from you insecure self...how you feel....what you are afraid of etc.
Then on another sheet or the
opposite page in a journal write
with the pen or pencil in your
opposite hand (the one you don't use) Here you write from
your essence, your wise self. You will be surprised at the wisdom you have within you!

blackie
Tammy, if you happen to read this, don't be so sure that you CAN'T wear those aforementioned summer dresses and wedge heels. I saw a girl on the news recently wearing SHORT SHORTS--damn near hot pants and SHE had lost a leg at 10. They're called LISA legs--just the thing for a night out on the town, when you don't want to be wheeled around or wear the "industrial" legs. Check 'em out IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY--they, fit HIGH, too. I THINK they're made by a firm called FDR orthotics.

nicole007 -- San Diego
Jason, I love you! Not because I actually know you, but because you're funny as hell and tell it like it is. Thank you!LOL:)

nicole007 -- San Diego
Jason Mulgrew is my new hero! Funny as hell and definitely endearing. LOL. Are you still single?!?!?

nicole007 -- San Diego
PS - Jason I visited your blog. Good luck in Beantown this weekend...but Anna's Taqueria???? That's like the mexican food equivalent of frozen pizza. Yes I've loved it many a drunken nights, but if you're excited about Anna's, you need to get out to California!

LILA -- Los Angeles
I didn't know you had answers in this arena too! And I totally agree that you 30 is not the new 50! Love your column--keep up the good work, darling.

lily -- Los Angeles
Honestly, sometimes when I go to the beach I wish I was single. My boyfriend hates going to the beach so we never go together...and there's something exciting about being single and flirting in the hot sun. I'm jealous of my single friends!

LILA -- Los Angeles
I so hear what you're saying. There are just too many people out there who don't know their bodies, yet want to slip into some britney gear or look like they're 10...if i see another muffin top, i'm going to scream!

LILA -- Los Angeles
Tammy--thank you so much for shedding light on the military experience. While I respect the fact that the troops put their lives on the line for their country, with this war (that I don't agree with), it's been rather hard to not think of the troops as being "brainwashed." Now I feel like I can't really say that anymore thanks to your story and explanation of what it's like and what it means to be a U.S. soldier. Thank you.

asya
I would leave that guy like a bullet. There's got to be something wrong with him. Either he is fickle and unstable or he has really low self-esteem.

asya
there's something mysterious about "bad boys." the problem is that once you know all he's about, the mystery is gone and all you're left with is trouble. for a relationship i like stabilty (not to be confused with predictability) and that's more promising with a "good guy."

asya
First of all, not all women let themselves go. I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years and I always make sure I'm presentable to my boyfriend. But if it does happen, then the best thing is to turn working out into a date. Take her out to a nice park that has hills you both can jog and climb. Also, why don't you stop by Whole Foods and buy a creamy low-fat ice cream to replace the calorie filling one in your fridge. Subtlety is key.

asya
I think Holly is absolutely right. Keeping yourself busy and trying new things will help you feel accomplished and therefore sexy.

hollinsphoenix
I agree with Jamie and especially Eve. Unless your guy is a porn star, he probably will make weird faces in bed. If you can, try not to focus on them and just think about the fact that you're making him feel so good he can't control himself. His speed in finishing may also improve with time, but remember that both of you will have to make an effort before you can see any results. Some adult stores sell endurance creams and gels for men, which you may want to try. Til then, try to prolong foreplay so you can also get pleasure. Take care!

blondedarlin -- Miami
Jason's awesome, I love this advice. Especially the closing. Quick Question everyone...I do have a master's in Journalism and thought I knew the English language -- but what's "Torquemada" ???

AbbyGal -- Atlanta
I think Jason's advice was the best. He's out!

But If you really want to sleep with this man tell him to call you when he's at #199 and maybe if you're #200 you'll actually feel a little special and be unforgettable.

Pari-love
I've seen these no-nos too many times. But what's worse is when one of my friends commits the crime. I don't know how to tell her that her outfit is not so hot!

Pari-love
I had the same conversation with one of my guy friends the other day! He just doesn't think women can be funny. I think it all has to do with the presentation... guys are more likely to be over-dramatic or exaggerate a joke just to get a good reaction out of people. They would be more embarrassed than a woman if their joke flopped.

bruinla
This article is such a great help! I'm always stuck when it comes to tipping people. I never know how much is appropriate and it feels so awkward, especially when it comes time to hand someone their tip. Any tips on what to say to the person? Do I just say "here" and hand them the money?

fun_in_the_sun
It took me forever to get over my ex. I just never accepted the fact that it was really over. But the only way I finally got over him was by keeping myself busy enough not to think of him. I picked up some new hobbies and met up with old friends I had let slip away. Now I am better than ever!

MorganC
Too funny...my question is...what is the magic number for a woman to tell a guy? My guess is five.

lily -- Los Angeles
Male sluts are always going to be sluts....I agree for the most part, but shoot...my boyfriend had a bit of a reputation pre us. I guess you just have to access if he's changed or not...or access if he ever will.

lily -- Los Angeles
Really? 100? Drop him like it's hot.

leisle -- Westwood
I am right with you. OF COURSE it matters. But everyone has a past, so you have to decide if it's something that your willing to let slide.

fun_in_the_sun
This would definitely bother me. I would constantly wonder what it is he wants from me. But if he stays faithful to you and proves he really has changed, I say go for it.

summer-girl
He is such a walking STD. Leave him now! It's not worth it.

summer-girl
I love the Kathy Griffin show. Any man that doesn't find that funny is lame.

summer-girl
I tried the strawberry face mask and then I wanted to eat it. Fun recipes! Thanks!

leisle -- Westwood
I just cleaned out my closet yesterday and found that I had so many Britney Spears inspired tops...what was I thinking?

leisle -- Westwood
The New York City Ballet DVD is the best workout ever. I don't even like workout DVDs and I liked this one...really, it's that cool.

LILA -- Los Angeles
You might be right, Jason. He probably tried to "impress" her with the 100 women, when, in reality, that's not really impressive to a lot of women--it's actually scary. What was this guy thinking?!

LILA -- Los Angeles
History of any kind does matter! I totally agree with you. I probably wouldn't get so caught up in it if you really like the guy, but there's no reason to feel guilty for taking his history into consideration.

asya
what i appreciate most about this interview is that it's not sensationalist like many people out there. tammy does not simply bash on the administration but intellectually defines the problem and what we can do to alleviate the situation.

bruinla
Stefani's advice is really great! I think one of the most important things for women in high positions is to not be seen as a bi****. If you give off that energy, people will be less willing to work with you.

asya
i can't say i'm a big fan of the donald himself, but i did love the interview with stefani. she's unpretentious and really gives women the inspiration to pursue their goals. i like her advice on taking pride in what you do. sometimes it's hard being proud of a humanities major when everyone around is doing either bio or engineering. her words are very comforting.

asya
wow. i love the quote, "fearlessness isn't the absence of fear-it's the mastery of fear." that's so powerful!

LILA -- Los Angeles
Stefani, thank you so much for sharing such great advice. You seem like you really have it together and each day I strive to do that myself. I must admit, it can be quite hard to bring enthusiasm to work on a daily basis, but, just like you, I've seen that enthusiasm seems to be a quality that a lot of successful leaders seem to share. I wonder,however, do you ever get burnt out and how do you deal with that?

MorganC
I agree with bruinla. Women sometimes think that because they are taking on a leadership role, they have to act tough and mean. This doesn't have to be the case. Having power does not mean you have to be a dictator...I think respectful, hardworking people make it farther...

LILA -- Los Angeles
I totally agree with you, Resident. Is he past his past? Also, it would be a great test of character to not put out whenever he wants. That way she can see whether he wanted to make her #101!

bruinla
I definitely agree that women need to be more informed about the war in Iraq, especially with more women fighting overseas. War has always been viewed as a "manly" area and it's time for that to change.

fun_in_the_sun
I think we have to listen to what Tammy said about the troops not having freedom of speech to speak out against the war. One of my friends is in Iraq and he agrees that we just need to get out of there. We need to start listening to the soldiers themselves who have seen everything first hand, because only they can tell us the truth about the situation.

fun_in_the_sun
"Unless you are absolutely convinced that this guy has somehow been born again—and if you’re writing this letter, you aren’t—he isn’t worth the drama." Amen to that. From my experience, men never change.

Pari-love
I agree with Lila completely. Try not putting out for a little while (even if it's hard for you, too!) and you'll be able to see if he really want you for you.

asya
these are all great reasons! my favorite one is that summer really IS all your own and you have the freedom to do anything to your heart's desire.

ucsdgirl
oh, man! the summer fling is so true! i was in barcelona last year and it was so hard keeping my hands to myself with so many hot guys around because i had a bf in the states, so all you single gals out there, take advantage of the freedom!

ucsdgirl
oh, man! the summer fling is so true! i was in barcelona last year and it was so hard keeping my hands to myself with so many hot guys around because i had a bf in the states, so all you single gals out there, take advantage of the freedom!

ucsdgirl
bar blunder #2 sounds like something i would've done and not realized how poor in taste that is, but seeing it from a distance, along with this great commentary definitely put me in check!

ucsdgirl
these dream themes sound very familiar. it's good to know that there is some kind of explanation that our subconscious is not willing to shed light on.

womanasother
you know, i was really excited when i saw the banner for this site - but after reading several of the articles it seems to me that this site does not connect, inform, or empower women. it undermines them. please change your banner, it's misleading and embarrassing.

crashing_nightingale
Jason, you're hilarious and oh so right! Guys that brag about sleeping with lots of women are losers, not boyfriend material.

fiona
I think revealing your sexual history to your significant other should be left unsaid in the beginning in order to avoid bad first impressions. If you're looking for boyfriend material, you wanna get to know who he is. Who he's been with shouldn't be important!

fiona
I have to admit I've never actually watched The Apprentice but I found that Stefani gave some sound advice. From her answers, she seems like a confident, determined, and hardworking woman who deserved to win The Apprentice. GO Stefani!

fiona
Leslie's right. She gives the reality check ladies- instead of being jealous, just get yourself to a clinic first, stat! haha.

fiona
100 women is a bit excessive, isn't it? Either he's lying or he really got around. But if it's true and he says he's a changed man, don't let it bother you. I'm sure you can't help it (who wouldn't?), but the past is in the past. The only thing you can do is get over it to be happy!

KatWilder -- Marin County

Yes, sexual history does count -- along with other a lot of other things as well. You don't say how long you've been seeing him, what other qualities he has that might redeem his character (or show a different side), etc. So, I don't see a need to dump him yet (or ever) if you don't delve a little deeper. Nothing wrong in asking him why he slept with 100 women and what's changed now. Then listen to what he says (not what you hope he says). And if you don't think you can get past it ... move on. Otherwise it will always be the "thing" that comes between you.


leisle -- Westwood
The Sassy Sangria recipe was fantastic...it reminded me of my trip to Spain!

leisle -- Westwood
Vacation sounds soooo good. My ideal vaca--taking a good book to the beach and lying there all day. I can't wait!

cyber_hippie

This is true of deaf/hearing partnerships, as well. My boyfriend and I are from the 2 sides of that coin. (We met online, so were able to get to know one another that way.) I am learning sign language, because I love him, and we really have a great relationship.

There needs to be respect and communication, just like there would be if he were, say, Lebanese. I'm not going to learn ASL overnight, but we have been together for 5 months now, and I'm able to converse with him in ASL pretty well.

He's introduced me to a rich world I would have missed out on, had we not dated. He's a wonderful guy, and I'm glad I chose to give this a go.

~The Hippie


summer-girl
I agree with jzwest that some clothes look great on some, while others don't etc. My best friend can rock the skinny jeans, while I just feel silly. But I do feel that some things are just universally bad--low rise jeans with the plummer crack? I don't think there ever will be a time when this looks good.
And I admit, I have crop tops too, but I wear them on vacation and they are new. But if I was trying to squeeze into my old hoochie shirts from seven years ago, that would be a different story...

bridesmaid2B
"DO create a reason for people to talk badly about your competitor"
This is really vndictive and mean--I can't believe Savvy Miss would encourage this. Where are your ethics? I would hate to see what kind of manager the quoted individual turned out to be. What a despicable thing to do! I hope she gets what is coming to her, that low-down, dirty snake. How little talent must one have to resort to pulling such a stunt?

Betsy -- Torrance
I didn't fantasize about pirates until Johnny Depp decided to put on that costume. Before that my opinion of pirates was pretty low....has anyone actually seen the pirates in the Disneyland ride...not attractive.

brownhairbabe
Sleeping with 100 women is definitely a little sketchy, either he's lying (which is bad, who want's to be with a lier?) or he's only interested in sex. I would stay clear of this guy, I wouldn't want to be just another tally on his growing total.

brownhairbabe
I love how all those romance novels take place in the Medieval times and women dream about knights and stuff. But really, a time period when no one bathed--ever? How sexy is that?

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