reach orgasm, female orgasm, masturbation

When a Savvy Miss member had the following question we turned to Dr. Joy Davidson for her expert opinion.

I'm 25-years-old, have had four partners (two of whom I was in sexual relationships with for over a year), and I've never had an orgasm. Ever. I feel like I'm missing out on sex. Is it me? Is it my partners? What can I do to reach orgasm?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you OR your partner. Women's orgasmic rhythms are so individual that until you learn how to make your own body quiver, it's pretty unrealistic to expect a partner to stumble on the perfect combination of moves to make you reach orgasm.

At the moment, you're struggling with so much anxiety that being able to relax into new orgasmic sensations is virtually impossible. What's more, if you've been trying to orgasm during intercourse, you've added an unnecessary hurdle. Barely a third of women regularly have orgasms during penetration without simultaneous clitoral stimulation. And many women never orgasm during intercourse at all - they come before or afterward through manual caresses, oral sex or with a vibrator.

The good news is that the direct and prolonged clitoral attention that women need to orgasm is something we can give ourselves - and we should - whether we have a partner or not. So, my best advice to you is to practice masturbation: If you just focus on pleasure, not on outcome, you'll eventually reach your peak.

Once you've learned to make your own magic happen, you can apply your know-how to sex with your partner. There are lots of creative ways to help you orgasm while making love. One caveat: Don't get too hung up on the specifics. The most important point to remember is that orgasms are orgasms are orgasms. There's no right or wrong way to have them. Your boyfriend doesn't even have to be the direct source so long as he brings you a wealth of other erotic delights.