When you've mastered your own orgasms, try the following:

  • Stroke yourself the way you do when you're alone and let your partner watch at first, and then let him take over until he gets the hang of it. Be patient with his "learning curve."

  • Prolong non-intercourse sex play so that you raise your level of arousal to near orgasmic heights before attempting penetration. (See why it's so important to know what "the verge" feels like?) Then apply your fingers, or his, to keep up the clitoral stimulation while he's thrusting.

  • Try verbally sharing fantasies during sex. Hot talk might increase arousal exponentially and create the "head trip" that pushes you over.

  • Some women love being on top (known in porn lingo as the "cowgirl" position) to control the angle of penetration and add more friction to the clitoris. Others prefer variations, like the man sitting in a chair while she straddles him, facing away (the "reverse cowgirl"), or even spooning positions where he can reach around to stroke her clitoris.

  • Try using a small vibrator on your clit while your boyfriend enters you from behind. If you're on your hands and knees, prop pillows beneath you to support the arm holding the vibrator so that it doesn't tire.
  • Finally, be bold; be daring. You never know which unexpected combination of toys, tongues, trash-talk and tenderness will do the trick.
Dr. Joy Davidson's "how-to self-pleasure" book recommendations: Lonnie Barbach, For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality