Why Women Feel More Attached after Sex than Men
Most had only small increases or decreases in their oxytocin levels, but women whose levels rose significantly while remembering a positive relationship also reported having healthier relationships in general. Women whose levels fell dramatically while remembering a negative relationship also reported anxiety in their relationships. More research needs to be done, but this could indicate that oxytocin plays a part in whether we form healthy relationships or not.
Should we second-guess our relationships?
Yes and no. While we should always take a step back and make sure we’re with a person for the right reasons, we shouldn’t assume that just because we’re enjoying our sex lives that that is the only reason we’re with him.
“The oxytocin response is unconscious; it takes place within the autonomic nervous system, so it's hard to change it. But we definitely should be aware of what's going on when we feel this. Say you sleep with a man who's a jerk but a great lover. The next morning, part of you is going, ‘This guy is a prick.’ But another part of you says, ‘Oh, I feel this incredible connection with him.’ Well, that incredible connection is just your oxytocin talking. Remind yourself, he's not really The One—and keep looking until you find someone who's nice out of bed, too,” Kuchinskas says.
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This totally explains why my friends and I are always getting attached to and involved with the creeps, jerks and players! You meet a guy who you think is hot, and soon enough you wind up in bed with him. You soon find out that he is a creep or a jerk, but by then you are already attached to him because of the sex! This is probably why so many girls wind up stuck in bad relationships where the men are drinkers, druggies or physically abusive. I think the lesson to be learned from this is never to jump into bed with a guy until you really know who he is and know him well. Isn't it kinda like what our moms have always been telling us? ;)
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Actually, this is a very simple...and scientific...truth at play. I believe in the 'Biological Imperative' as the prime motivator for why we're here.
For men, that means spreading seed. For women, it means bearing children. (Naturally, this isn't the ONLY reason any of us are here, merely the core. We are, after all, biological entities, and that means that survival and continuance is what drives us.)
So it only makes sense that women would -generally- have a different process going on post-sex than men would. (Keeping in mind that the body doesn't differentiate between having sex, making love and making babies.)
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My best friend was dating this guy and he was awful!!! He was so caustic when he saw her in public, but then would call all of the time at night to hook up. She said they had a "special bond" which was her way of justifying his behavior. It was totally oxytocin.
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This is so true! I've experienced a feeling of connection after sex so many times - feelings that my partner didn't even deserve.
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