Self-pleasure is often rushed or abrupt. In The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm, Steve and Vera Bodansky say most people fail to take the best possible pleasure from masturbation because they “do it to relieve themselves” rather than for pleasure.

How you prepare to masturbate is important. Some prefer to take advantage of the heat of the moment, or you might want to take a bath first, or perhaps dip into an erotic novel to get some ideas. Don’t dive straight in. By the time you undress you should feel pleasantly warm and stimulated. Experiment with what feels good, tease your nipples, run your hands over the whole pubic region.

Open your legs wide; the sensation of air should feel pleasant. It’s best to wriggle your hips now and wait until your labia lips are swollen: this way they will swell, increasing sensitivity and moisture. Dip an exploratory finger just inside your vaginal lips. If you are wet, now is a good time to find out what turns you on. (If you are dry, use lubricant to get things running smoothly.) Use the moisture and run your finger around your vaginal lips. Feel for the outline of the labia majora (outer lips) and contrast this with your inner vagina (labia minora). You might want to experiment with the perineum—the skin between the vagina and the anus. Try circles, figure eights and even tapping motions with your hand. What feels good?

Try another idea: The most erotic part of your body is your mind. Perhaps you need to work on your fantasy life first.