"If we do meet a girl who is willing, we'll put our all into it—even if we're not that turned on by her. So, we'll be trying to make up for lost time and lost opportunities and we will try to imagine we're having sex with someone we really wish we were with," says Hoffman.

There may be no way of knowing what the guy you're with is thinking about—but it’s not like women are exactly innocent either. Was that Brad Pitt floating through your mind last night? Yeah, I thought so.

David Moye is a La Mesa-based writer who, when having sex with his wife, tries not to think about anything—or anyone—else.

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