Photo © Cara Purdy

Last Saturday I received my monthly credit card statement, which included a $49 fee for the privilege of allowing the bank to charge me 15% interest. Irritated, I decided to cancel my VisaMasterExpress card. The first sign of trouble was that there was no customer service phone number on the card. There was, however, a number to call if the card was lost or stolen. (Think about that for a second. The number to report a missing card is on the missing card.)

Feeling rebellious, I called the number even though the card was in my possession. Apparently, a whole lot of other people do this because the automated menu said, “If you’re calling about your membership fee, press 1.” So I did.

When I entered my account information, the computer responded, “Good news! You are eligible for the special offer of a $10 membership fee, but you must act now by pressing 1.” So I did.

Then the computer said, “Congratulations! You are eligible to apply for an increase of your credit limit. If you’d like to do so, press 1.”

By that point, my finger was like a well-trained dog, so I just followed the instructions. Besides, I was hoping the nice computer voice would give me more good news.

But my luck ran out. After a few minutes, the computer said somberly, “I’m sorry. We are unable to offer you a credit increase. Please try again later.”

It was like getting the wrong answer on a game show and hearing the buzzer go off. “Thanks for playing! Your consolation prize is . . . a lower credit score!”

I had been lulled into submission by the friendly computer voice. It was time to talk to a human being. I redialed and navigated my way through the morass of options, eventually finding a real person. After hearing my complaint, he reduced my membership fee to zero if I promised to keep the card for a year. If I closed the account before then, I’d have to pay the membership fee. I took the deal and felt like I was shaking hands with the devil. Was it worth a lousy 10 bucks? Probably not, but after all the time I had invested on the phone, I would have let him pick my kids up from school. Okay, I wouldn’t have gone that far, but I was ready to say yes to almost anything.