Being single and free can be the best time of your life, but there are implications associated with it. Being single for seven years, I have made mistakes that have impacted what I truly wanted in my life. By learning from these mistakes, I’ve been able to be happy being single, and opened myself up to finding real love. Single Mistake: Making it way too easy for him.
I made things convenient, offering too much without asking for anything in return. I was reliable; if there was an opportunity to be with him I dropped previous obligations, showed my domestic side and became submissive because I thought it might let him know I am “girlfriend material.” As long as I could keep him in my life, I was under the illusion that he would eventually want me.
When it came to sex, I always wanted to put on a show so that I could be the most memorable; all of this so that he could think of me more, and want me. With all my efforts I found myself thinking of him more, essentially wanting a relationship, which left me conflicted as to how and who I should be. Single Mistake: Wasting time on men who don’t want a commitment.
In my case, men hit on me and I was desired, but not enough for an exclusive relationship. I carried on seeing men knowing they were seeing other women and that we were not in a committed relationship. Instead of dealing with the situation head on, I decided it was better to stay in those relationships because I told myself, ‘Eventually he will come around.’ Single Mistake: “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
I now know that upon meeting someone who says “I’m not looking for a relationship” it would not best to attempt having one with him. “I’m not looking for a relationship either” was the easiest thing for me to say because I was afraid of the truth, thinking it would lead to being abandoned. Dr. Rosa Vazquez, a clinical psychologist, calls this the “wish” statement, which affects a woman’s ability, or inability, to achieve a relationship.