No one likes a nag, but sometimes when talking to our partners it’s hard to keep the words “put the toilet seat down” from coming out of our mouths. To understand just how much nagging may be affecting our relationships, we turned to relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, Ph.D.




What’s so wrong with nagging anyway?
I think there are times, and this is true for women and men, that you nag because you want acknowledgement for something that can’t be acknowledged [through words]. This is especially true if you’re thinking, “Why did I not get invited to his home for the holidays?” or “Why do we spend three nights together every week, but do not talk about exclusivity?” Sometimes you nag because you want an answer about the relationship that’s just not forthcoming, and so the first thing you have to do is look at his actions more than his words.

Will nagging end a relationship?
Sometimes it will end a relationship, and sometimes that is the only way to get through to a guy. That has a lot to do with the way he was parented. Maybe he grew up with a mom that constantly nagged, or maybe that’s how you saw your mother interact with your father, and you were modeled to learn that that’s the way to get a reaction from a guy – to nag until he does something.  I think if you’re nagging a lot, it is actually a bigger relationship issue you need to talk about because it is not just that you want something, it’s that he’s putting you in a position where you have to be persistent and desperate about it. You’re not getting the respect you deserve, and nobody should have that happen.