They say that sex is like pizza in that no matter how bad it is, it's still pretty good. But we're not so sure. So, in case you can't tell if your lover needs some help in the bedroom, here are the top ten (plus one) ways to tell the sex really is bad...     

10. You’re banging your head against the headboard—out of frustration.

9. You’re relieved when you notice signs that your period is coming. God bless those cramps and bloating.

8. He treats your nipples like radio knobs and he’s trying to find a good station.

7. His idea of foreplay is telling you he’s ready.

6. You suggest watching Big Brother 8 instead.

5. Your “oh’s” sound a lot more like “ow’s.”

4. You hope your parents make a surprise visit a la American Pie … just to end it.

3. He thinks the g-spot is a myth.

2. You can’t even time it because your stop watch doesn’t have a millisecond feature.

1. He watches Paris Hilton's sex tape for tips.