when my husband and i first met we were friends and both in the tail end of other short term relationships. his ex ended up pregnant, however as the story goes she was apparently "seeing" others also. we have tried to get blood test because he wants to know as he is a wonderful father and believes in taking responsibility for his children. she said no to the blood test. she is also from canada and we r from america so the limits of the laws r different and he has no rights. she is now remarried and the child is going on 5. i find out he has talked to her via email an she continues to send pictures of the child, (who is a very pretty girl, but in no way resembles him) however we dont know for sure due to no blood test. i am livid to say the least. i do not think he needs to talk to her at all unless it is about a bloodtest. he thinks i am completely unreasonable and that i am throwing away a child since the possibility is there and trys to reason saying that they used to be really good friends. i have an ex that i am good friends with and i am completely open about it, but we also do not have any unresolved children or problems between us, but my husband trys to throw that in my face even tho he has said he would never tell me who i can or cant talk to. i do not want him talking to this woman period! she has caused massive amounts of turmoil in my relationship and then refused a blood test....i feel like shes dangling this child over my husband just out of reach in order to have some sort of control and or to keep him around??? am i totally crazy or does this bitch need to GO AWAY??? please give me advise.....i need to know im i am unreasonable or not????? thanks everyone!

No you are not unreasonable. It's never easy dealing with x's. My last three boyfriends had children with other women. I grew to love the kids, but it was always difficult dealing with the x's. However your situation is a little different, this is an unresolved situation. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment building up and it is going to boil into you and your husbands relationship instead solving the problem. I suggest you turn it over to him, let him deal with it however he needs to as long as its not hurting you. If he can't respect your opinion, maybe you could try contacting her.

I don't think it is unreasonable for you to ask you husband to stop being in contact with an ex that is causing problems with your relationship. However, that being said ,I have a couple of questions.Is your husband acting as a father to this child? Is he providing monetary support, getting visitations etc? If not, I don't understand why he would be getting pictures and keeping contact with the mother in regards to the child. Perhaps, your husband and his ex are using the child as an excuse to continue to be in contact? If he is not acting in the capacity of a father to this child, then I don't see a reason for him to continue to be in contact with the mother, especially if it is causing a rift in his relationship with you.

If your husband is being a father to the child then that is a different story, he will have to continue contact with the mother in some sense to continue contact with the child. Even if she is not biologically his, if he has been acting as a father to her and she doesn't know the difference, it could be devastating for the child to have him just disappear.

Thank you so much for your opinions, as they really matter and i want to know what others think.

to answer some of ur questions.....no my husband is not acting as father nor supporting the child since she refused a bloodtest to prove it was his child. he has no proof or any rights what so ever. IF there was a blood test then he would pay support of course....but the mother is not allowing him to find out.

O YA one more thing. i have asked him to tell her to stop sending pictures and to stop emailing him unless she gets a bloodtest done....yes kind of an ultimatum, since i know that i will continue to get more and more upset with the situation. i know it is not okay for me to tell him what to do so now i am worried he will start to resent me for telling him to do this. if and when there is a bloodtest and if it says he is the father we will deal with that together and that is a different situation than just not being allowed to find out. why would he want to talk to her after all of this??

What makes my tail tingle about your situation is that he contines to have contact with her after you have expressed your concern about it. That shows a disregard for your feeligs. I would suggest that the two of you go to couples counseling for a least a few sessions to work on communication skills. Sometimes it takes an independent 3rd party to say something that you have already said before it sinks in. Good luck!

What makes my tail tingle about your situation is that he continues to have contact with her after you have expressed your concern about it. That shows a disregard for your feelings. I would suggest that the two of you go to couples counseling for a least a few sessions to work on communication skills. Sometimes it takes an independent 3rd party to say something that you have already said before it sinks in. Good luck!

TDD
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/

Well...latest update. he has told her to not email him or send photos unles she decides to make other decisions about a bloodtest. Great Right?? It is now extrememly tense between us, we can talk about anything except us. Where we were once extraordinary we r now just ordinary and non communitive just kinda carrying out our day to day lives. This is not the relationship i married for. I waited a long time to get married, lived seperately for 4 years while dating and engaged to make sure it was right and now its all just going down the tubes.

No u are not unreasonable he needs too loose contact with her now ar u 2 are going to have some horriable promblems... I think he is unfaithful that is just wrong he should NOT talk too her... I am mad if he was my man he wud be sorry right now... Thatz just wrong.

Probably But who isn't?