We know a lot of you are spending far more time than usual with your significant others these days — perhaps too much time to not get on each other’s nerves.
All those annoyances can add up, to the point where you want to say something to your partner … about leaving piles of dirty clothes around the house, procrastinating on filling out that important paperwork, or whatever it is that’s basically driving you batty.
We’ve all been there — on the brink of starting a fight. You desperately want to get things off your chest, because you’ll feel so much better afterward, right?
The thing about getting into a full-blown fight is that you can’t take what you say back. And in the heat of the moment, sometimes we say things we don’t truly mean. Then we’re stuck arguing over stuff that’s not even how we really feel, deep-down.
So all of a sudden a squabble over laundry becomes an argument about how he doesn’t care about the family (not your intended direction!).
While sometimes a fight happens — and is totally necessary — it’s also worth reflecting on whether it’s worth getting into one in the first place. Because a fight that isn’t needed can turn a great day into a not-so-happy one, and also create extra stress in your relationship. And nobody wants that.
Before you say those words that kick off a fight with your partner (or really anyone), ask yourself these crucial questions.
1. Will it matter one year from now?
Is the thing that’s bothering you something that will seem trivial in the long run? Those little things that irk us now — like an overflowing junk drawer — will probably be long-forgotten in a year and especially a decade. Think on whether it’s worth letting pass, or if 10 years from now it’ll still drive you bananas (and in that case, it would be worth bringing up!).
2. Could this wait until tomorrow?
We get it, sometimes you just want to say how you’re feeling right in that very moment. But if you can wait to bring up whatever it is that’s bothering you a day later, chances are you’ll say it in a way that won’t bring on a fight. You’ll have time to think about the best way to frame it, so it comes across as productive feedback, rather than an attack.
3. Can you ask a friend first?
Why not utilize trusted friends and family as a sounding board? Sure, you don’t want to air your relationship dirty laundry to just anyone, but someone really close to you can help decipher whether it’s worth the trouble of starting an argument, or if you should just let things go.
At the end of the day, you know your partner more than anyone, and whether their actions are coming from a good place or not. Trust your gut — and your heart — and you’ll make the right call.
Quote du jour
“Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.” — Norman Vincent Peale
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